Post date: Mar 20, 2020 11:9:58 AM
I woke up this morning at around 3:40 am. When I am worried, or feel like I've left work undone, I tend to wake up between 3:20 am and 3:40 am. My eyes open, I turn toward the clock, I see those numbers. By five-- my alarm goes off at 6:00 anyway-- I thought, "Get out of bed."
While I-- we-- have plenty to worry about that has nothing to do with whether I-- or you-- work on the projects we have in mind today, I also know that if don't find a time and space for this work, the thread of it will be hard to find. I will also lose myself in some way that will lead me to wake up between 3:20 am and 3:40 am.
All day yesterday, I had the following poem by Charles Reznikoff in mind-- the last line in particular, "Surely, the tide comes in twice a day."
After I had worked all day at what I earn my living
After I had worked all day at what I earn my living,
I was tired. Now my own work has lost another day,
I thought, but began slowly,
and slowly my strength came back to me.
Surely, the tide comes in twice a day.
Each of us has our own relationship to our "own work" when what we write that stands in relation to "at what I earn a living." I am deeply committed to each kind of work, but this week in particular, at "what I earn living" consumes my thoughts and energy. And all the rest. I spent the day with that line in mind-- "Surely the tide comes in twice a day."
But the word day was long-- it began early and continued all day, until nearly 11:00 pm. In the middle, I took a two hour walk with my teenage daughter-- we've decided to do that everyday. These are not days when it makes sense to say "Can't today. Need to get this done," especially when I'm working at home and continue working long into the night to finish what I need to finish.
Covid-19 runs on a loop in the background like gas station news at the pump. I also know that the routines of family, staying in touch with friends, of my "own work" and "at what I earn a living" will keep me healthy. The creative work we do, the writing we do, offers solace.
Which brings me to "Resolve to begin." Tomorrow, I'll add a "Some Basic Tools and Gear" Post on Free Writing, along with some resources to help get you started. A journal to monitor your work, a free writing practice, and a regular practice of reflection and planning can be a powerful, sustaining combination in a writing life.
Today though, I borrow a phrase I learned reading about the Tibetan Buddhist practice, Lojong. Lojong is a set of slogans that make up a mind training practice. I'm no expert. Let me qualify my use of this slogan, or phrase-- Resolve to Begin-- by saying that I've found it's simplicity powerful and profound in my writing life, but have no expertise as a scholar or practitioner.
I saw my journal entry from two days ago which noted that I'd tried get to my own work and lasted 15 minutes-- two interruptions before I gave in. I had to consider several concerns: Give the people around me what they need so I can get the privacy of my own work. Let people know that I'm working in a way where interruptions aren't okay. Maybe work that requires concentration isn't right to do at the moment-- today or this week. What work is right to do?
So I intended to gather material so that my project is close at hand-- much has gotten disorganized in the last week or two.
I didn't do that yesterday.
So, that takes me from "Surely the tide" to "Resolve to begin".
In the work of writing, when writing occurs within and through the flow of everyday life, we will, certainly, over and over again, "Resolve to begin."
If you haven't found time to do your work, resolve to begin today. Keep it simple. Keep it brief, even.
What can you do? What one thing? A small thing, today: Free write for ten minutes? Print out PDFs? Send emails related to a project you've been meaning to send? Stack folders on your desk? Revise a paragraph or a page?
Maybe today isn't for a big thing-- maybe just a small one.
Surely the tide comes in...resolve to begin.