The Art of Connecting in Small Ways

We all know people who are shamans in one way or another, but we probably don’t recognize them as such. Shamanism is about healing people and the world. There are any number of ways that individuals can act in a healing, connecting, and/or sensemaking capacity. Many of these ways may not be immediately obviously shamanic. For example if we think of healing very broadly, we can begin to get a sense of the wide range of ways that people may be interacting with us shamanically even when they don’t recognize it. One of these ways is through connecting interpersonally in small (and sometimes bigger) ways, ways that have a healing impact.

Consider, for a moment, those people that you interact with every day. Are there some people who make you feel special? Who are really present to you, fully there, and fully engaged with you. They may seem to give you a little gift of their full or authentic presence—making you feel recognized and “seen” in ways that other people simply don’t. Interactions with them make you feel better because you know they, in a sense, witness part of you that more superficial interactions do not allow and there is a certain grace in that witnessing. Such people can be found in all sorts of jobs and positions, not just in overtly healing capacities.

Shamans in unexpected places and roles can be the people who make us smile. They provide that little bit of healing grace to us when they greet us. Consider the barista at your local coffee shop, who recognizes you and greets you happily in the morning, maybe even remembering what you typically order. It could be the receptionist at work, who does much the same thing, or perhaps the custodian, who views her or his work of cleaning as important to the wellbeing of those around them. Or the boss who truly values what you do. It could be a good friend who is willing to sit with you when you are sad, angry, or otherwise at your worst—and who still loves you, despite that worst.

University of Michigan scholar Jane Dutton, who has studied compassion and caring in organizations, talks about hospital workers—not the emergency room staff or the nurses and doctors or technicians—but the people who clean the rooms, as sometimes having this type of healing orientation in their work. The shamanic individuals among these workers (my term, not Dutton’s) bring compassion to their jobs and really “see” the patients as people. They interact with patients and their families as individuals with feelings, personalities, and human needs in a setting that can be dehumanizing for many. And the interaction works best when it is reciprocated, so that both patient (or family) and worker feel seen and heard.[1]

I believe that individuals who are able to make these connections are undertaking the connecting role of the shaman, by creating linkages and relationships. Other connecting activities in the modern sense, of course, mean crossing sector, disciplinary, or other types of boundaries that create separate “worlds.” But shamans acting in the ways that I am discussing here are also creating linkages that might not otherwise exist, healing, healthy, and whole relationships among people. Shamans acting in small ways make authentic connections, looking into our eyes and smile, so that we feel just that much better than we did before we saw them. We feel, that is, somehow healed. In making these connections, they can help us make sense of our day in new ways. Sometimes they just make the day a little better than it might otherwise have been simply in the way that they interact.

Here is an example of how simple interactions can be healing. Many mornings on my way to work, I drive a route that takes me past a crossing guard, someone who helps children safely across the street as they go to school. A simple enough job, to be sure. But each time I go past him—an older gentleman, probably retired and doing this work as part of his retirement—he looks directly into my eyes and grins a genuine smile at me. Almost without exception, I feel better for that small bit of connection. I often wonder how many other peoples’ days are made brighter because they interact with him in the same way. I’m sure that he doesn’t consider himself a shaman in any respect. Indeed, he may never have heard the word shaman, but he plays a definite healing role in my life when he makes that connection and I drive past smiling myself and feeling that much better than I’d felt before.

What if we all behaved that way towards others?

[1] Jane Dutton, 2015 Lifetime Achievement Award Address, Academy of Management, Organizational Behavior Division, posted at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUamHuNkTk4.