Eulogy

EVELYN STEINBERG KOPLO

October 31, 1929 - January 4, 2012

- I N M E M O R I U M -

This is to honor the memory of Evelyn Steinberg Koplo, known to all as "Evey." But rather than grieve for her passing – which would be focusing on OUR loss, not on HER life – this memorium is in CELEBRATION of a life magnificently lived. In honoring Evey with this memorium, I can attempt to convey the magnitude of her effects on others’ lives, but I wish you all to bear with me, as any attempt to put into words a complete picture of the life of Evelyn Koplo will fall far short of the reality of her life and her livingness. For Evey didn't live for herself, she lived for others. And everyone she touched in her 82 plus years this lifetime was made better for that touching. That was her nature and that is her legacy, as everyone here in this room can attest.

Let me give you a brief chronology of her time with us:

Evelyn Steinberg was born on October 31st, 1929 to Jacob and Minnie Steinberg who lived at 185 Brighton 10th Street in Brooklyn NY. She had three older brothers: Teddy, Alex and Morris, and an older sister, Ida. Of that clan only her brother Morris survives her today. Evey was the youngest of the family, and they all adored her.

Her parents were Russian Jewish immigrants from Odessa, an international trading town on the Black Sea in The Ukraine. They left Odessa at the turn of the 20th century and came to America, and carved out a life for themselves. Five children were raised in a little stucco'd bungalow in Brighton Beach on the sheckles Jack brought home from his stall in the Market on the lower east side of Manhattan. For Jack was a peddler of gloves, scarves and hats. Minnie made every penny count. As poor as they were, Jack and Minnie ensured all of their children were well fed, healthy and very well educated.

Evey, being the youngest, was lucky to have three older brothers and an older sister to help take care of her. She was adored by her siblings, and in fact, she was a beautiful child. Her sister Ida did most of the raising, while her mother cooked and cleaned, shopped and directed the boys. The house was a block and a half from the beach, and the neighborhood was safe. The culture was Yiddish, and Evey learned the language from a young age. She went to Yiddishe Shule in addition to the NYC Public Schools, and she excelled. She was an avid reader, and continued to read daily throughout her life. She was always interested in new things and new ideas - lucky for her when she had teenagers of her own. And although very decisive in her own life about what she liked and what she wanted, Evey never imposed her own opinions or preferences on others.

She attended Abraham Lincoln High School on Ocean Parkway in Coney Island. This school has produced several Nobel Prize winners, many well known doctors, engineers, politicians and lawyers. It offered a quality education, as did most NYC schools in those days. After High School Evey got a job as a secretary with the company who supplied the tiles for the Holland Tunnel connecting NY and NJ. Then in 1946 her boyfriend Nate brought his best friend to a party next door to the Steinberg house, and this is where Evey met her future husband, Morton Koplo. Morty was going out with Rita - Evey's next door neighbor – when the two couples decided to swap. Morty and Evelyn became a couple, as did Nate and Rita. That was the beginning of a 65-year relationship.

In June 1950 Mort and Evey got married. They took up residence in the Steinberg house which had room now that the older kids had left. Then in August 1951, Evey got pregnant. TWIN boys were consequently born in April of 1952. And boy, was it a surprise! There were no ultrasound scans in those days – no means of detecting sex or singularity of the fetus. But where most women get kicked by two feet, Evey got kicked by four! Literally in the womb, and figuratively for years after.

There was no clue that Evey was having twins until the first one arrived, and the doctor said “Evelyn, that baby's too small – there must be another one in there.” And sure enough there was! The twins were named Stephen and Harvey. Evey proceeded to raise her two hellions. She became a full-time mother -- make that double-time, as when one finally went to sleep, the other would wake up! When one was fed, the other was hungry! Despite all of this, she kept things pretty much under control, that is, until they started to walk – in two different directions!

In 1957, five years after the first experiment, Evey had another child. This time it was a daughter, whom she named Merryl. Others with twins said she was brave to have another. She was the first of the Twins Club to do so. But raising a girl was like a vacation after the twins, and Evey loved her daughter and they continued to be very close for the next 55 years.

Needless to say, Evey had her hands full raising her three children through the 1950's and 60's. And it's true that at times she lost it. It's a tribute to her bravery and her compassion that she never killed one of the boys. Not when they painted the bedroom a beautiful burnt sienna from their diapers one Sunday morning, or got brought home years later by the NYPD for attempting to blow up the park with homemade gunpowder from a chemistry set given for a birthday. Or even when they blew up the expensive reel-to-reel tape deck a few days after it was given for another birthday. Or many others I could list. Actually, these minor disturbances didn't faze her at all.

No, to the contrary, Evey always encouraged experimentation. She let her kids get in their own messes and find their own way out of them. When other kids had to stay in the neighborhood she let hers roam the city on buses, or trains, or by foot. She never put her kids on a short leash – she wanted them to learn things for themselves. For a mother in NYC that took BRAVERY. On the other hand, she encouraged all art, music, science and extracurricular activities like band and orchestra, boy scouts and even karate.

But there's another thing, hard to put your finger on, but always a part of her character. No matter what else she was ever doing in life, Evey had a purpose. She wanted to HELP. She helped her own kids, no matter what that took. She helped their friends, anytime, 24/7. She even helped the neighborhood junkie who came to her with an upset stomach from taking dope – and she gave him some Pepto Bismal to make him feel better. She was the one anyone came to for consolation, for a talk, and yes, FOR FOOD. After all, she WAS a Jewish Mother!

But one cannot pigeon-hole Evey as just a product of the immigrant Jewish culture, for Evelyn Steinberg Koplo transcended her culture in ways few beings have done, and this is what made her really special.

Evey was always rooting for the underdog – she never forgot what it was like growing up in an immigrant household, never forgot what her parents had gone through to get to this country and rise out of extreme poverty. She cared about people - all people. No matter their color or ethnic culture, no matter their religion or country, she was ready to help. She taught her children to respect and fight for civil liberties and human rights for all. She taught the value of living things – plants, animals and people. She impregnated her kids with a social conscience, and she supported social movements and civil rights groups. And when her children became active in the anti-war movement of the 1960's, she supported them in this, and in their right to do so.

Many of her generation gave to charity – maybe a Zionist group or a Jewish social organization, a synagogue or a church. But Evey was unique. She was a member of dozens of social betterment groups. She gave donations to over 100 charities during her life. She gave to over a dozen Jewish historical and Zionist groups, to the Simon Wiesenthal Foundation, to over a dozen Environmental organizations, to another dozen health research foundations. She supported the Southern Poverty Law Center and American Citizen and the ACLU. She gave to local, national and international charities. Whatever would help improve the human condition, she was for. Even up until her passing, on a fixed income, Evey gave what she could to these groups. A true humanitarian, she helped in any way she could.

And, she made a difference in people's lives. Hundreds of people. Whether it was the milkman or the mailman or the cleaning lady who came weekly to clean the house. Last week while Evey lay in bed near the end of her journey, the cleaning lady was crying as she vacuumed the rug. Her previous cleaning lady, who lives in Brazil, heard she was ill and called to say goodbye. Evey treated everyone as an equal, she made each one feel valuable and worthwhile. There is no one else I've ever met who was so truly loved by everyone she came in contact with.

And this is a lesson we all should learn from Evelyn – she cared so much for others, true selfless caring, that they in turn found themselves loving her back. As a result the magnitude of her effect on everyone she touched was immense. If all people learned just a bit of this lesson, we would have no more wars, no robbery, no assault of other's characters, bodies or possessions. We would have peace, and human dignity and, ultimately, a world where people sought to take responsibility for each other rather than seeking to get ahead of others in a game of selfish ambition.

And even up to her last gasp of air, Evey never complained FOR herself. Oh, she DID complain! She complained of injustice to minorities, she complained of the destruction of our forests and waterways, she complained of the pollution big corporations were releasing into out atmosphere and of the corrupt politicians who allowed this to occur. She had plenty of complaints – but none was ever about herself. Evelyn felt that she'd had a good life, that she was lucky to never be hungry and always have a roof over her head. She lived comfortably – not extravagantly – and was careful not to waste what she had. She was always giving TO others, rather than seeking what she could get FROM them.

Her passion was not so much in the THINGS of life, rather it was in her friends and family, in all PEOPLE, and also in what they could create. She loved art, the theater and crafts. Later in her life she made paintings, pottery and went to shows. And she loved to communicate to anyone on any subject. When her kids were younger she listened to every argument – every philosophy they adopted that day or that week – and would discuss it as if she were a Talmudic Scholar. She was the one that anyone could talk to, and thus became a surrogate mother to other teens who were having trouble with their parents. Evelyn was the one mother who never had trouble with her own teenagers. She always tried to understand, and when she didn't understand then she accepted. Evey lived the prayer she was always so fond of quoting – the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

She's the one who took over the growing of a marijuana plant from a son whom she felt wasn't giving it enough water! And her plants? Evey loved her plants, but of course she did – as she loved all living things. On her plants I can spend an hour, her beautiful orchids, her lovely flowers. Everything she touched would grow...

There was a spirituality that left Odessa with the immigration of Jacob and Minnie Steinberg, and awareness of that spirituality was passed on to their young daughter. Although not religious from an orthodox Jewish viewpoint, Evey was really the embodiment of everything that religion stands for. She was there for her friends and family whenever the need arose, to succor them and help in any way she could. She held humanity as more important than materialism, and friendship more vital than money or station. She respected learning above dogma, and she had compassion for the weak and destitute. Before she passed on, Evey told me that she was aware of herself as a spiritual being, as different from the body which contained her. She had prepared herself for her journey beyond and she did not fear it.

Truly, I can stand here and sing her praises all day. But her life is complete, nothing remains to be done, except perhaps to thank her for all of us that she's touched, and to validate her for a life well lived.

Mom, we will miss you. We want you to know that we are grateful for your being here, for your guidance and your love. OUR lives have been bettered by YOUR LIVING, by your counsel and by the examples you kept. We appreciate your many achievements and the immeasurable joy you have given us. We are glad that you have lived and we are proud to have known you. We thank you for coming to us. We wish now that you go, in peace, knowing that you are to achieve even greater things in the future. We will all be fine without you, thanks to your help and dedication.

Go now mom, and live once more, in a happier time and place.

GOODBYE.

In loving memory, by Rev. Stephen J Koplo, her son, January 4^th 2012

On behalf of her husband Morton Koplo and her children: Stephen, Harvey & Merryl Koplo