Origin of Dave and Steve

There was nothing special about the day. It was just an average Tuesday when Dave was walking down the street on his way to the bakery nearby. So you can imagine his surprise when he suddenly saw a spaceship fall from the sky in the distance. 

“What the fuck is that??” A pedestrian to his right yelled in shock while pointing and he paused his footsteps, squinting his eyes as he watched it fall closer and closer to the earth's surface until it landed with a loud crash, decimating several small buildings, including the bakery he was on his way to. Damnit. No more weekly lemon scones. Dave then decides that since the bakery (the one thing that happens to keep his sanity and will to live in check) is now gone, he may as well investigate the spaceship before the CIA inevitably gets to it. So investigate he does. The spaceship was massive, to say the very least. It was strange, but not just because of the sheer size of it. The spaceship was a deep purple in color and radiated a strong smell. It smelled surprisingly similar to a hamster cage that had been left unattended for a week. In short, it smelled like shit. 

Suddenly, the circular door slid open, and green smoke poured out of the door as if it were a thick sludge. Dave watched on in horror as the smoke slowly cleared out and strange features began to appear. 

A small hairy mass of fur appeared from the cloud of smoke. Dave held his breath when a pair of sharp claws reached outwards to him. A deadly hint of rage and bloodlust reflected in its beady black soulless eyes. The smoke fully cleared and it- it was

A hamster? 

Dave doubled over, laughing. Looks like the citizens of earth really don't need to worry about some eldritch horrors taking over the planet after all, and he makes the mistake of voicing his thoughts aloud. “Oh thank god, I thought for sure I’d be toast. But you’re just a hamster” 

The hamster trained its piercing gaze towards Dave, who instantly froze in fear when the hamster's mouth opened and began to speak with a deep gravelly voice that echoed across the land, “EXCUSE ME?" 

Dave stood there dumbly, not knowing what to respond with besides a rather intelligent sounding, “Uhhhhhhh what.”

  “FOOLISH MORTAL. I AM NOT A COMMON HAMSTER!” The creature cried out indignantly. “I AM A GOD AND YOU SHALL REFER TO ME ONLY AS THE ONE AND ONLY LORD STEVENUS MAXIMUS THE SEVENTH.” The hamster now known as Lord Stevenus Maximus the Seventh rose from the ground, now hovering about 5 feet in the air, he flies forward elegantly to hover in front of Dave. 

“WELL? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, MORTAL?” Lord Stevenus Maximus the Seventh questions. Dave didn’t know before today that a hamster- uh. A god? Could look so downright menacing. 

“Uh- well. Sorry?” Dave sputters out. “I’m just, well, surprised? We don’t see flying ham-” he swallows down the rest of that word, “-uh, creatures around here on earth often. Or ever, really.” 

“HM. I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES SENSE.” Lord Stevenus Maximus the Seventh says, stroking his whiskers in thought. He snaps his little fingers after a moment. “OKAY, NEW PLAN. TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR WRONGDOINGS, MORTAL. YOU SHALL PROVIDE ME WITH A PLACE TO LIVE.” Steve flies forward and lands on Dave’s shoulder. “YOU MAY CALL ME STEVE. I WILL NOT HESITATE TO STRIKE YOU DEAD IF YOU BETRAY ME, GOT IT?” 

“Well, it seems like I have no choice, do I?” Dave grumbles and begins making his way back down the street with a seemingly insane alien hamster named Steve who claims he could end his life at any given moment if he chooses to. Hopefully Steve doesn’t smite him at the sight of Dave’s apartment. Well, this can’t be all bad. At the very least it looks like Dave’s life is about to get a whole lot more interesting. 

And thus began their life of adventure.