There have been times in my life when I am not in control. I have no choice but to pick up my phone, open Geometry Dash, and keep playing until I beat a level. If you have not played it, I urge you to download it right now.

It started in fourth of fifth grade, I don’t remember which. My friend and I, Elsa Weybright, played in our school’s marimba band (it’s like a wooden piano). Everyday that we had practice, all we would do during our breaks was mindlessly play the game, and it got quite competitive. There are numerous times when Elsa and I would fight, so it is not quite notable, but Geometry Dash was frequently a source of conflict.

After a brief obsession, I move on with my life. I can enjoy the simple things, like walking in the rain, napping with my cat, and being yelled at by my little sister.

However, even with these lapses, Geometry Dash always comes creeping back. Perhaps one of my most memorable kicks was on my first trip to Europe with my family. I had broken my phone in London, the first city we visited, so the issue didn’t arise until my little sister, Audrey, downloaded the game while we were in Aix-en-Provence, nearing the end of our trip. Soon after, I commandeered my dad’s phone and began playing again myself.

It is always the same, I start at the beginning of the very first level and I do not move on until I’ve finished it. I never use practice mode, and I never update my icon.

We were taking a scenic train through Switzerland when problems started to arise. My sister and I, completely enveloped in the game, were oblivious to the beautiful lakes, mountains, and meadows passing by outside. Our dad decided to take a video of us staring at the phones while we rode through the beautiful surroundings, and frequently brings it up to this day.

I’m ashamed to admit that Geometry Dash is probably my most prominent childhood memory. Stronger than my connection with any actual people or places, the hopping squares and geometric wonderland conjure intense nostalgia and emotional investment.

Although there is always potential for escape from the hypnosis, I don’t want to be saved. My periodic, almost annual infatuation with the game, in a twisted way, gives me life. I’m always amazed by how natural it feels to be so attached to something that does not impact my physical world at all. It’s almost as if my primal instincts are activated, unwilling and unable to let me fail. Why my mind and body choose to protect that hopping square over my own physical health remains a mystery to me.

My most recent obsession drove me almost over the brink. We were in quarantine, so I suppose that is an excuse, but the consequences were almost dire.

One day, I decided I would not brush my teeth until I finished the level I was on. I ended up spending two and a half hours doing nothing but staring at the screen until my eyes hurt so bad I could no longer play. I gave up and brushed my teeth.