Non Fiction

This story is from my solo last year, and my thoughts during it. 

   More Than A Dance 

Breathe in, don’t worry, breathe out, I'll be fine. Breathe in, I know this, breathe out, ok let's go. 

I hear the announcer, “Please welcome number 416, Lucie with ‘Remain’”. Heart pounding like a drum. Hands all around clapping like cymbals. Body shaking like a tambourine. This is the moment, my last competition. I need to be the best, I need to make sure my technique is right, I need my teachers to think I am better than everyone else. No. I need to enjoy myself, I need to be ok with any outcome, I need to live, I need to dance. Yes. 

I hear my music, one two three four five six seven eight. My body starts to move, I don't even have to think. The music is like a wave taking me on a journey. Up and down, side to side. The beat of the song matches the thump in my heart. The lyrics fill me up with emotion. The lights wash away my nerves, but the cheers from my teammates are the best part. Those cheers make me proud to be on that stage. With every leap and every turn, I hear thunderous applause. 

Most people get nervous about the thousands of eyes watching them, but not for me. I am only scared of the five gleaming eyes right in front of me. Those five eyes are the ones that judge you the most. They are the judges, obviously. Dancing for an audience is one hundred percent different than dancing for judges. You need to wrap them into your story. Judges need to know what you are telling them, otherwise they are just watching another dancer doing another dance. Wrap them in, wrap them in, wrap them in. I find the moments where my eyes connect with theirs. I want them to see my pain, but I want them to feel my strength.  

As I move with the music I notice that the emotion I brought onto the stage were gone, but they weren’t removed, they were replaced. I no longer felt hurt or sad. I felt strong and brave. It’s as if my emotions were dancing with me. I own my story and I am not afraid anymore.

Even with this burst of confidence I could feel my body gasping for air. The waves were turning faster than I could keep up with, but I had to keep my head up. I had to use every last drop of energy. Give it your all, Lucie, this is your moment. I can do this, I CAN DO THIS. I pushed for what I wanted, I worked for what I wanted. I didn’t give up and just like that I took my last step. I looked to the audience as the lights dimmed out. Screams from my team and claps from random people who I will never see again filled my heart with passion. This is why you do this, Lucie. I walked off stage and found my teachers and friends waiting to hug and congratulate me. I fell into their arms with exhaustion but I could only think of one thing…

Breathe in, I am so tired, breathe out, just relax. Breathe in, it’s over, breathe out, I won. 

I did indeed win.