ASH

"Ash-shy! School, hurry it up!" Uri, my step brother screamed.

Screaming. The first part of Uri's personality. If he wasn't screaming, he was whispering, and then you were in trouble.

I brushed my black hair, making it look as soft as possible. Too-big sweater, check. Tight jeans check. Anything to be as un-unique as possible. That's how it's always been. I know that sounds like a bad story. All about realising what makes me special is great. That you don't have to fit in to be 'accepted'.

Not this one. This isn't about dealing with Uri either. Some things are best left alone. . .

Pulling my air forces on, I headed out the door. Jogging after the bus, I made it. My hair shone red in the morning light, my eyes shining red too. I knew it. I looked down, trying to hide it.

If you didn't catch that, it's not normal to have your eyes shine red. I look totally evil. Usually it lasts 20 minutes. I put my sunglasses on. You know, to hide the red glare. When I was little I pretended it was lasers.

Uri, however doesn't have any weird things about him. He chooses to be weird. Not like me.

Finally the bus stopped. I jumped off, and ran away. I mean, I walked to my class. Heh.

"Yo Ash, what's wrong with your shoes?" Aiden asked.

I rolled my eyes. And kicked the grass of my shoes. I tried to find something to tease Aiden about, but as usual, he was immaculate.

I walked over to Dean, and started teasing him. He was short, with brown hair, and glasses. He always wore this green sweatshirt that said 'Archaeology Rocks!' He was so easy to pick on.

I figure if I join the teasers, I'll become one of them. And I get that it's bullying and all that but honestly I don't care.

"Yo Ash! Don't be mean!" Jaiden yelled. Jaiden. Average height, blonde hair, blue eyes, crop tops and all. She was the popularest kid in our grade.

There was 1 popular group, a group of girls. And then there was the alternate popular group, full of sporty guys and skater kids. They usually hang out together, but there's a clear difference.

I was in a group with myself.

What's your closest friend's name? Can't choose? Exactly my point. I don't have any friends to choose from.

The bell rung, and me and Jaiden's group walked into the school. I went to math, with most kids.

Finding it easy, as usual, I finished early. I found myself wiggling my pencil above the paper to make myself seem stupider. Being stupid was easier to relate too than being smart. There's pros and cons to both if you didn't know.

The only person who knew I was 'smart' was the teacher. My Mom didn't care. And my Stepdad didn't care about anyone but Uri.

The whole stepdad thing's always been confusing for other people. My Mom never divorced everyone. Uri's older than me. They've been happily married for 20 years. I don't know where I fit in there, just like I don't know where I fit in at school.

"Yo Ash, you need help?" Avery, Jaiden's best friend asked.

"I'm good, thanks,"

"Oh my god, Ash is so STUPID!" Avery whispered. I don't know how I heard it, but I did. I've always had good hearing I suppose.

I waited the whole day out, confused as ever about friends. The only problem I've never figured out.

Catching the bus, I headed home. A small smile spread over my face as I saw Elm High shrinking away.

I dreaded going to school more than I dreaded anything. But I did anyway.

Mom gave me new anxiety medicine, thinking as usual, that I was just anxious.

No. The medicine always makes me lightheaded and dozey. And that's not right. I've always been ultra alert, self conscious. I can't explain it, but I knew the medicine didn't work. Never did, never will.

Honestly, I WAS anxious. But it wasn't anxiety. I had real reasons.

At school the next day, I was the weird one again. My hair was flaming black, and my eyes flaming brown. I can't change that, no one can.

At lunch I sat in a tree as usual. No one could get me there. I could be the one looking down on everyone, not vice versa.

Then something happened. A flaming light blazed up around me. My hair was bright red, my eyes no doubt were too. This had never, ever happened before. My arms were glowing, my legs too. A weird face came up in the haze.

"Ash, come with me,"

I sat still, frozen.

"Ash, come with me," the man reached down a hand.

I took it, shaking. To say I was terrified would be a lie. I was way beyond that. I was shaking, everything coming in and out of focus. I was on literal FIRE. Like that never happens! I would die, I was dying, dying, dying, dead.

I was in a dark room. No, not a room. I was falling, into nowhere. Death was weird.

The man came back. Falling with me.

"Stop." He said. I wanted, needed to stop. His words had a weird effect. I couldn't think about anything else.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

I stopped.

"Am I dead." I said. It wasn't a question. It was me telling him. Telling him how dead I am.

"No." He said. "You're dying."

"Shoot." I said. I know, I'm so articulate. But that's what I said.

The man laughed, making me angry.

"Look, Ash, you can live. Live."

He filled me with the urge to live. Which surprised me, since I thought I wanted to live before.

Live.

Live.

Living.

It worked.

"Good job. Ash."

"You... know me?" I asked. I expected an eye-role. At least a 'no dummy'.

"I'm your father, Ash,"

My jaw dropped.

"Father?" I asked. This couldn't be true.

"Father," he said. The weird tone was in his voice.

Father.

Father.

No.

"That won't work this time." I said. "Won't."

His eyes wen't out of focus. Back in focus. Out again.

"I- I don't get it, Ash." The calm, cool, collectedness left his voice. "I'm your Dad! D a d,"

"Stop trying that. You're boring both of us. If your my dad, where were you all this time? I'm 14! That's like more than a DECADE you could've showed up." I yelled.

"You weren't ready! It's not my fault."

"What on earth?! I was so ready. You're just a weird guy who says... he's my father."

"ASH. You WEREN'T ready. Period. You're a Phyrrel."

"Sure, sure. Just get me out of here. Out,"

"Blinding won't work on me! I'm your dad for god's sake!"

I was confused. Basically every emotion had flashed through my head, but confused was the one that stuck.

"Explain," I said, using my wide vocabulary earlier mentioned.

"Phyrrel. You're basically a fire spirit. Crossed with a human. You're hair ever went all red? Eyes?"

"Yeah but-"

The conversation continued. Back and forth. Me in utter disbelief, him impatient. I just withdrew myself and let my mouth do the work.

I decided, I might as well fall into his trap. Anything would be better than this hole.

"Ok, Dad," I said. I looked at him with my best judge-y look, and waited.

His eyes went all red, his hair turned red two. His body glowed more than anything, then his eyes faded to auburn. His skin gave off a faint glow but it looked relatively normal. Examining myself, I saw my skin, a light brown, glowing red. My hair was richest crimson.

We were in a whole pile of mountains, all jumbled together, intertwined like an unused skipping rope in a pile. Rivers flowed through, in all the crevasses, frothing snow white and crystal blue. A thick blanket of trees covered everything, with grassy fields full of rainbows of flowers. Laced in between the evergreens were beautiful maples reaching out to the sky. Birches were splattered in the fields. Lakes shone like mirrors lighting up the hills, snow dusting the tops. Rocky cliffs smooth as glass slid up the hills.

I knew this place.

Memories flooded back. But they weren't my memories. They were the memories of nymphs and fairies. Spirits and gnomes.

I felt so out of place, spreading a trail of cinders wherever I went, burning the lives of thousands of little bugs.

Why did I have to be the spirit of flames. The spirit of destruction.

I walked over to a stream watching it's beautiful tumbling folds and smooth surface shifting. I reached down to feel the water.

Dad grabbed my arm.

"Ash. No."

I touched it anyways. Smoldering black rock spewed out, clogging the river. Fish sputtered to a halt, frogs sizzled and a particularly pretty Naiad glared at me.

"I'm so, so sorry," I gasped.

"Watch it Phrryle." She cursed a little after that, and I turned away, surrounded by a pool of guilt.

I reached to save the poor fish, but Dad caught my arm.

"Ash, stop."

"Let's go." I said, waiting for him to lead me away.

"Ash. No." He said. Did he even know any other words?

I ran. I couldn't stay. The naiad kept glaring, Dad kept staring, and I- I had to go. Sprinting faster than I ever thought I could, I escaped into the sunset. I sat down on a rock, careful not to touch anything alive.

I needed a plan. I really, really, needed to do something. The sun seemed to have lost hope on me too, casting its red and pink hues somewhere else, leaving me to the darkness. Lights glowed in the village. Warm lights, not like the modern billboard lighting. Firelight. I ran down, peeking in the window.

A girl with my flaming hair stood by a fire. Swords hung up all around her. A blacksmith. I learned about those at class. A class where I excelled. The only thing I was ever good at, and now it meant nothing.

"Yo, girl," I called in. Ugh, old speaking habits never leave.

"Excuse me?" She said, turning to me. Hazel eyes. Turning red. My hair glowed.

"Um, what are you?"

"You do not have to be so rude. I am a Phyrrle, and I'm not embarrassed."

"You don't get it. I'm- one of those too."

"You?" She studied me. The same judge-y glare as the kids at school. Great. My eyes blazed, I could feel it. "Ah yes. What are you called?"

"My name?"

"No! No no no. I don't want that. What are you called?"

I was pretty darn confused. But I went with it. "Uh, Ash?"

"Oh okay. Ash. Thanks for not sharing your name, I mean, it'd die with me, but I'm only 15!"

"Ash is my name." I muttered quietly. I was confused by this kid. 1 year older than me, and so matter of fact. I just wanted to shut her up, but language skills aren't exactly my forte.

"I'm Fernie, short for Inferno, but Inferno is not a good title, you know? Apologies for all this talking, I'm sort of alone here."

"It's cool." I said, studying her. She looked like an older version of me. Except her hair and eyes never burnt out.

"Why are you so dull, if you are a Phyrrle?"

I honestly don't know. But remembering something Dad said, he left my mom. My mom. My mom the human. I was a mixedbreed. Not Phyrrle enough to be a phyrrle, not human enough to be human.

"Uh, I'm a crossbreed."

Fernie's jaw dropped. "Get out,"

"It's not MY fault! Shoot, it's my parent's fault, come ON! All I need is to hide! Leave me alone!!!" I said. Closing my eyes just long enough to make a point, before glaring at Fernie, all my power shot into my eyes, making Fernie cower over.

I waited for Fernie to give her smart reply, even just an 'oh'. But instead an awkward silence filled the room.

Fernie turned away. She walked over to the swords. She glanced back, sizing me up. I had no weapon. I could never win. Not against a trained fire spirit. She gathered armour.

"Look, I get that your... going through something. But you can't hide here. You've been burning stuff? Wear this," she gestured to the pile of metal, "find the man on the gre'ven, he'll... help. With whatever. All the kids go to him once they get there skills. He's an expert. Hide your hair. Hide any glow, wear the mask. Young Phyrrle aren't exactly welcome here. Go."

I didn't say anything, I knew if I opened my mouth something stupid would come out. I pulled the armour on, it fit perfectly. It didn't feel heavy or anything.

I grabbed the dagger she layed out and put it in my sheath. And I left. I think I could live with mean kids, anything but this. Guess I wasn't welcome anywhere. But I set out to find this man on the gre'ven (pronounced greevin). I suppose a spark still lived in my heart. A spark of hope that might just save me.

I was getting a little tired,but I kept on going. I had no idea how far this gre'ven was, or even where it was. I stumbled across rocks, waded through bubbling brooks, hopped through marshes. I even did some vine swinging, over a pit of alligators.

It was crazy. Almost like something from a book...

My legs ached like they were broken, my head pounded, and my throat felt incredibly dry. The metal armour felt heavy, my perfectly fitted boots felt swollen.

Tripping into a cave, I collapsed onto the stone floor. It was pleasantly cool, an I hoped more than anything it wouldn't warm too fast.

Eventually I shut my eyes, and woke up to shaking.

An old man stood bent over me, his eyebrows wrinkled.

I groaned.

"I see you're awake now," The man said, his eyebrows furrowed even more.

"Yeah," I said, using my wide vocabulary some more. "I've got to go,"

"Where?" He asked, a frustratingly concerned expression on his wrinkled face.

"The gre'ven..." I said grudgingly.

"What are you seeking?"

"Hmm maybe that's none of your business?" I said.

"Maybe it is,"

I got the weird urge to tell him everything that had happened to me. To tell him how hopeless I am. To tell him how I'm a crossbreed. To tell him-no. Luckily I got my self control back.

"Fine, I need to find the old man on the gre'ven." I said, eyebrows raised.

"Well, you are closer than you think. It seem's like you're looking right at him," he said. It took me a while, but I caught on pretty quick.

I looked around. The walls were painted with red paint, in beautifully eerie arcs and curves. I made out animals, all of them dancing up to a 'throne'. It was a relatively large cave, the entrance was rather small, which was where I had slept, not wanting to get eaten by anything.

The middle opened up into a large dome, with a throne type chair at the back. Pillows and rugs littered the floor, looking carelessly placed, but you could somehow tell they were precisely placed to get some sort of effect. I nervously combed my hair with my fingers, trying to get out all the tangles from sleeping on a rock.

I was really kicking myself for not going in further, seeing as I could have slept on a cushion-y pillow bed.

"What do you need, consider me a friend." The old man said, smiling serenely. It seemed the only way his face could go was from serene to concerned. Very... mystical.

"Er, well, a 15 year old Phyrrle sent me here... Fernie..."

"Oh... a 14 year old untrained Phyrrle. Unheard of! Where have you hidden? How have you survived? Tell me everything! Forgive my enthusiasm," he said, a serene expression on his face.

"Um, I don't know. I know I wasn't here."

"Of coarse! I should have known, an alien!" He stared into my eyes, and I got the feeling he could read everything. By the way disgust flickered onto his face, I decided he did. Whether he was disgusted at me, or disgusted at what happened to me, I couldn't tell.

I raised my eyebrows at him, trying to emphasise that I knew what he knew.

An unbearable silence filled the room. At least it was unbearable for me, but the old man showed no signs of discomfort or starting to talk.

"Well, what should I do?" I asked impatiently.

"You will train,"he said, looking very much displeased with me.

"For WHAT?" I asked again.

"To control yourself." He said. I assumed it was sarcasm but he seemed deadly serious. So the man who trained fire spirits wanted to teach self control. No, that's not unusual at all.

I grinned like a devil. I needed him to know I wasn't the self control, patience and peace type. Anything corny and I completely lost interest. I felt like he knew that and was trying to get under my skin. And it was working good.

The old man turned away, I couldn't tell if he was teaching me patience, showing displeasure or if he had just forgotten about me.

So I did the only logical thing. I left.

Some would say my coping strategy is to just not cope, but I think it's just way better to avoid awkwardness all together. Much more enjoyable. I've ran from everything in my way, and ninety-nine percent of the time I can just run around. And then I'll be over it, not caring what happens. It's easier to not care than care, and I didn't care about controlling myself.

For some reason his words kept filling my head, the way he turned away from me, the way I just left. I didn't use self control at all. Before I knew what I was doing, I was racing back to the cave. He sat, still as stone, waiting for me.

"Ah, Ash." He said, which I found weird seeing as I never told him my name. But if he really did see everything that had happened to me, he would know. I should be a detective.

"Sorry,"

"This is what I mean, you need self control."

I trained and trained for weeks. Not once did the old man say 'nice' or 'good job'. It was always a 'blabla needs work' or 'you're not very good at blabla'; I was sick of it. Half my mind was made up to leave, but the other (smaller) half of my brain wanted to prove the old man wrong.

Finally, he announced I was to have a test. If I passed, I could leave this place, no guilt. If I failed, then I'd need more training.

I trained really hard for the next few days. All sorts of stuff, bribing myself, threatening, not being mad. Even keeping that serene expression that the old man always had.

"Okay, Ash. Do you like yourself?"He asked.

"Yeah, I guess." I replied. It was sort of a stupid question, who'd say no?

"Ok, well, I can remove the Phyrrle from your blood. Remove half of you, and replace it with human DNA. And I'd send you back to your 'earth'. Your choice." He said, staring at me. Was this the test? I wasn't sure, but I figured I should be truthful.

"I'll become human," I said, smiling.

"Changed my mind," he said.

He couldn't just do that. He GAVE me the option. He knew I needed that. My eyes blazed, my hair too. I could feel the heat radiating off of me, illuminating the room. Before I knew what I was doing, I raised my hand and a beam of reddish orange light shot out towards the old man.

He dodged it with unexpected agility. A hole burned in the wall behind where he had been standing.

My jaw dropped. I would have killed him had he not been unnaturally quick.

"It seems, you have failed," the old man said, the frustratingly calm expression had left his face leaving an even worse expression of held-back anger. "We will continue training, seeing as you don't have the required self control."

He turned away and left me in a stone-cold silence. My heart felt like it was ripping apart leaving nothing behind but emptiness.

Self control would be not attempting murder. Self control would be keeping on trying until I got it. Self control would be not running. Self control would be letting the old man keep pestering me until there was nothing left to pester. Self control would be impossible.

So I ran.

The cold hit my face like ice, and the wind rushing by my ears numbed them. I felt my hair flowing out behind me. My legs weren't stopping, I could run like this forever. My eyes were still firey, I could tell by the red hue everything had. Dodging trees and hopping over logs, I slowly got tired.

Eventually, I collapsed in exhaustion. I lay back on the moss, my armour feeling comfortable as ever. I gazed up at the sky. I wondered if the old man would miss me. I wondered where my dad was. Or what's happening with Fernie, we didn't exactly hit it off.

Finally I drifted off into a dreamless sleep, wondering what on earth was going to happen to me.

I woke up to a blazing fire. Trees were turning to black dice, birds were circling above and it seemed like I had caused it.

No matter how I tried I couldn't figure out how to control my powers. Half the time I was a normal kid, and the other half I seemed to be a fire-demon.

As much as I wanted 'self control' I couldn't get it.

I figured if I was going to be a 'phyrrle', I'd have fun. I had my whole life ahead of me and I could do whatever I wanted. I stood up. I walked coolly across the hills running my hands over trees, leaving a trail of flames, on purpose this time.

Days passed, nights fell, time flew like it never had before. A few times I had wandered into a town, burning a few buildings like it was nothing. Then I saw something.

A wanted poster was up on the general store. It was underneath a wooden overhang, sheltering it from the wind and rain that seemed to be constantly covering this land. It was ripped around the edges, and in the middle was a girl with flaming black hair and flaming eyes. Pale skin. Armour. Her face was covered with a hood. Then I realised it was me.

I was wanted. I sprinted. I suppose I was sort of evil. A wave of anxiety washed over me, causing me to collapse into a puddle. But somehow I didn't feel guilty. It was THEM who had turned me like this. They were getting what THEY asked for. I knew that was just what I was telling myself but I believed it anyways. I kept searching for guilt, but the only guilt I found was the guilt of not being guilty.

I needed to escape this. I turned to run but something stopped me. I could turn myself in. I could find a magical person to save me. I could banish the phyrrle from my dna. I didn't want to live like this forever.

I ignored that and decided running couldn't hurt.

I turned in for the night on a rocky hill. My dream was a pleasant diversion from all in the real world. I was back in my apartment, but I couldn't find anything for breakfast. So Mom gave me 5 bucks and I had breakfast at a restaurant. It was delicious.

A gun was pointed at my head, and I was tied to a tree.

"She's up." A male's voice said. The girl with the gun smiled.

"You're coming with us," The girl said, sternly. "You can come warm or cold,"

"Huh well I'm definitely hot." I said, my eyebrows raised at them. Fire glowed up around me on command, which was helpful. The chair didn't burn.

The guy smiled like he was the king of the world.

"I guess you'll just come then,"

I grinned like a devil, letting him take me. Slowly I wriggled my hands out of the binds, and I felt a weird feeling of 'I'm-so-epic'. My stomach was tied in a nervous knot, but I was so cool on the outside no one knew.

I gave him a sideways glance. "Looks like I'm going to prison, eh?"

"Totally," he said, trying not to smile. He obviously thought he had beaten me. But I knew better.

I could've escaped earlier, but I was enjoying this. Biding my time waiting for the perfect opportunity to leave a mark.

Then the perfect chance came. We were outside the prison. The guy had called the operator telling him he had caught 'the fiery one'.

Right before the operator saw me, I bolted, leaving the guy speechless. He ran after me but he didn't know how fast I was. Before long I had hidden myself in a small cave, and he'd be somewhere panting his tongue off.

I didn't know it but I'd just given my self the hardest-to-keep-up reputation anyone could have. I'd have to come up with a more devilish escape plan each time.

But there was something exhilarating about it, I liked the twisted evil feeling I had. I wondered why everyone wasn't evil. It's much more fun than being law abiding. It's like an everlasting game of capture the flag that I know I'll win no matter what. No matter how I tried I couldn't stop grinning. I was drinking in the glory that I gained from this running.

I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs off a mountain top, or doing a front flip into a lake.

But villains don't do that sort of thing.

I burnt a few buildings, maybe ruined some lives. It was all in a days work for me. It's amazing what you can get used too. I had let the sorrow fill my heart and now I was as cold and unfeeling as your average super-villain.

Somehow I still didn't fit the mold. I was infamous for how DIFFERENT I was. I'm a mysterious phyrrle, bad as they always knew phyrrles were. And female. It's crazy. This world was a little behind our world in the realm of equality. But it's cool, I mean, there's something fun in defying all odds and proving that girls are just as capable, all that jazz.

But I'm getting off topic. My needs still weren't met. And right now it seemed like there was nothing I could do. I could live live to the fullest and still not be where I wanted to be.

The spark of hope was just enough to light up ONE way through. It was magical, it was risky, it was perfect. If that failed, there was no chance for me.

I would get magically corrected. I know there's limits, but I've a hoard of jewels and such things that I've stolen.

And I'd go back to school, and fit in. It was by no means foolproof but it would have to do.

The first step would be to find a wizard- a far enough away wizard that he wouldn't know me as infamous. It struck me then what a BAD idea being bad was. I don't regret it at all. I'd have to let go of that part of me, and move on.

I walked pointlessly around in one direction, knowing I'd never make it anywhere. My feet were squishy and wet, the soles had worn of of my boots. The armour was many things but it was NOT waterproof. Which was... unfortunate.My leggings had soaked up the water too, but I was used to that by now. My hair was warm from glowing so much, which was pleasant but I couldn't use it to warm the rest of me.

I hoped I'd just fall into the home of a magician, but that was just convenient. I decided to go to the library and find out from there.

But apparently magicians are as stigmatised as phyrrles.

I needed another plan.