[Common Denominator Mathematics]

My name is Katie and once upon a time, I made the lives of everyone I knew chaos (to say the least) because I was struggling in a math class.

To set the scene, it was my senior Spring semester at Bucknell University. The only thing between me and graduation was a gen-ed mathematics course that I had pushed off for seven semesters. As a result of my multi-year avoidance, I ended up taking a class in which I was not prepared- Calculus.

I knew I was in trouble on day one when I couldn't keep up on the Pre-Calc review. My professor subsequently made the bold claim that "most of you won't be here after the mid-term". The haunting message bounced off the shoulders of the spritely freshmen making up the majority of the class, but fell heavy on me, one of two seniors realizing the gravity of our mistake. My plans of "cruising through" the last few months of college sharply transformed to an echoing thought I could not escape, I cannot graduate if I do not pass this class. 

For the first time in my life, school wasn't easy. 

In fact, it was so difficult that I had four different tutors. I went from being confused, to sad, to angry- and not just about calculus, but about myself as a person. My self-esteem was plummeting and it was impacting more than just my performance in calculus. My anger wove its way into every facet of my life. I stopped applying for post-graduate jobs, I began self-medicating, and I was dragging down my relationships with those closest to me.

My saving grace was my calculus professor.

This man saw the good, bad, and ugly from me twice a week, every week, at his office hours. Over and over we would do practice problems that were so similar yet still so difficult for me to compute. I vividly remember his eyes hoping I would be able to redo each question without his help. Initially I wondered if he hoped for me or for himself. As the semester continued, in the privacy of his office, I was required to be vulnerable and honest with him and myself about where I stood as a mathematician. Together we found and filled the gaps in my foundational math understandings, and began rebuilding the confidence that plummeted so quickly. 

Without confidence, learning cannot occur.

Almost a decade later, I am still in shock at how fast my perception of myself changed all because of one class. To try my absolute hardest and still not be successful was painful. It changed who I was as a person during that time, and had it not been for my professor, I might have stayed the person who I was becoming.

Today, as a middle school math teacher, I see students who are struggling the way I struggled. I see the confusion, sadness, and anger bubble up. I see the self-mocking and pretend lack of care. I see the way students lean into hating math as an easy out. It is my goal as a math teacher to not only teach math, but to forge confidence in every student, especially those who may not pass the tests. Confidence in math does not fall on the Bell Curve, nor does it require a specific passing score. Confidence in math is growth. It is moving beyond the questions you may not understand and tackling the next with full clarity. 

Confidence in math is built between teacher and mathematician.