Once upon a midday sunny, while I sat beside my honey,
Soaking up abundant sunshine near the California shore,
Anon our thoughts did turn to eating and the people we'd be meeting,
And all those birds whose lives were fleeting, flying just a few days more.
For November is a time that’s known through all of birdly lore…
A month when birds are nevermore.
As we sat there in our leisure, thinking of our empty freezer,
Came a subtle pecking noise upon the knocker of our door.
"Surely," said I, "someone's here to sell us something hardly dear to
hearts and minds of those from here to Timbuk Tu, and nothing more."
Up I rose to shoo the salesman on toward our neighbor's door.
I turned the knob and softly swore.
Imagine my complete surprise when, rather than a suited salesman,
There to my astonished eyes, a turkey sat before my door.
A head like finely-polished marble, a single word I couldn't garble;
Then he let out a piercing warble, shocking me down to my core.
Through my shaking teeth, I stammered, "Get thee to a grocery store."
Quoth the turkey, "Nevermore."
Backing slowly from the stoop, I saw the bastard take a poop,
And tilt his head as though awaiting word from some off-worldly shore.
There and then I fast decided Em and I would be delighted
For that bird to be ignited, feathers strewn on kitchen floor.
I wondered if we had a baster, left in some neglected drawer.
Croaked the gobbler, "Nevermore."
Off I went with pitch at fever, looking for the knife or cleaver
Which would stop the turkey talking – swiftly through the house I tore.
But alas I moved too slowly, for the gobbling doorway goalie
Flew his rather rolly-polly self away; he stayed no more.
When I returned, an empty doormat greeted me, and nothing more.
That bird was gone, forever more.
And so I caution you and yours to hold an eye upon your doors.
Keep a hatchet or a knife just at arm's length – not one inch more.
Let yourselves not be caught napping, if perchance you hear the rapping
Of a tasty turkey tapping on your tightly-shuttered door.
Move with haste and you'll have food that all your guests will sure adore,
And you'll eat turkey ever more!