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Smooth Groove’s Congaree Creek Heritage Hash

Smooth’s directions led us to the remotest corner of Cayce—where the pavement ends on Old State Road, but apparently not far enough to enjoy an adult beverage in peace; Lexington County’s finest (or was it Cayce?) rolled on the scene with a stern warning—to Smooth—and we dutifully went about with our Hash traditions!

After laying her beverage stops, the Groove looked a little piqued, so—since she was a single hare—we agreed to give her 25 minutes. After 20 minutes the pack took off, and within a few minutes found a “BN”—seemed too soon, but who’s complaining! However, we soon found out that Smooth’s idea of “near” is not the same as most people’s. As we stood around enjoying our Miller Lites and Red Stripes, we noticed cryptic chalk writing that, upon careful examination, seemed to say “BC/15.”

After backtracking 16 hashes, we found the trail continued around the ancient Guinyard Brick clay pits. The relatively well-maintained trails of this “Congaree Creek Heritage Preserve” meant we could blow by all of the checkpoints, however we were once again stymied by a “BN.” Most hashers checked down the trail until the next check point and turned around, we checked under the bridge, but only found a troll. Yours truly went 300 yards down the trail before returning with the grim news “no beer.” Finally, nearly 400 yards and two check points beyond the “BN”, we found the trove of Lite & Stripes, which we enjoyed on the banks of the namesake Congaree Creek.

Despite this cruel joke Smooth had pulled on us, I decide to help her out by carrying the remainders back to the start/finish (or at least a road.) This got old after about 100 yards, so I handed off the bag to Fowl Finger, who handed it off to Special Ed, who finally handed it off to virgin NNMichael—the real hero. Not only did NNMichael carry the bag for the remaining 2 miles, but—when the bag broke—he wrapped the contents in his t-shirt!

Our esteemed RA, Bashful, was out of town due to a family emergency, so Fowl Finger appointed me “stunt RA” despite my poor performance in this capacity—specifically not recognizing enough transgressions, sins of omission, etc. with down-downs. However, thanks to alert fellow hashers’ “pints of lager” FRB, DFL, backsliders were all duly recognized. Virgins Michael and Jimmy were introduced, and in anticipation of naming, we grilled (NN)Special Ed, NNAlan, and NNDavid. However, due to a lowered blood-to-alcohol ratio, we’ve forgotten most of the answers—except, of course, Special Ed’s answer, “surprise 3-way!” Therefore, you wankers, expect a more thorough interrogation before we decide on your names.

Despite the police’s earlier vigilance, we all made it to the on-after at the Flying Saucer without incident despite some lead-footed competition between certain Columbian Hashers.