Another stumble. The weight of various items in the old tattered sack weigh me down along with the overcoming force of fatigue. I listen to my own breath. For a moment in time, it’s what’s keeping me grounded, until it soon becomes loud, disruptively loud. Quickly it overtakes my thoughts and fills my eardrums, the sound of shaky breaths reverberating through my skull with the force of nothing short of a growing storm. My lungs feel tightened,my seemingly weak heart constricted. Legs which were taken over by adrenaline, now feel stiff and uncooperative, like someone replaced them with old and brittle rubber bands on the brink of snapping. The feeling to run consumes me, takes over my senses, body and even begins like it’s trying to seep into my subconscious. Exhaustion continuously reminding that I’m human by putting a seemingly everlasting dull ache at the front of my head. Thoughts now drive me and give me purpose to keep my legs moving. Thoughts that would seem to put a normal person out of their sanity, but as I have been told my entire life, I am not normal, nor am I sane. The swirl of pain, frustration and fear in my head, threaten to push me past my limit. My thoughts and emotions continue to mix like water and oil. I get the overcoming feeling as though I am a wild and dangerous animal be provoked and prodded with a red hot branding iron. Nighttime air nips at the nape of my neck, leaving me feeling exposed and more vulnerable than I truly am. Clusters of trees branches whip across my arms and face, giving me welts and cuts, welcoming the freezing air into newly opened wounds. I feel tired, but not tired in a temporary, but more of a lifelong exhaustion. I briefly consider turning back to return to my family, but being alone for the rest of my existence would be sufficiently more satisfying than staying with people who I can barely call my family, the only people who I despise.
It’s Tuesday. Hunt day. At least I think it is, I wouldn't know. Since the war, only the upper class get luxuries like calendars. I remember how I used to be in school and read about things like this. How the world would collapse into anarchy, I feel like I somehow escaped reality and landed in something like The Hunger Games or Divergent. My footsteps seemingly echo off the crumbling walls of what used to be one of the most prestigious hotels. I can feel the gravel crunching under the soles of my worn out shoes. That’s another thing we can’t afford. I’ve learned that the deer and rabbit tend to wander in the bigger buildings, they've gotten used to no humans around. Lucky them. I don't blame them for not wanting to stay in that hellhole of a forest either. At night I stay as deep in the city as possible, but when the sun comes out the the danger goes in, it’s logic. I think. Then again I know nothing about… anything. The only thing I was taught was to kill, steal, and survive. I am unprivileged, but it is better than being dead. Barley.
A new best friend
Today I left a friend,
Even threw away our special locket.
At least that's what I told her,
When I stuck it in my pocket.
I ranted on about how she lied and stole,
Dancing around how I was going to explain her friendship was toxic.
But as the hours stretched on,
It dawned on me exactly what I’d done.
Today , I found a new friend,
Who listened to what I had to say,
She had no problem listening to my rants all day.
She never interrupted me,
Infinitely engrossed in my words.
Today, I found a new friend,
She just sat and listened to my problems,
Looking like she had every intention to solve all of them.
We talked until the sky was dark,
Just sitting in my room.
I tried to pull my new best friend nearer,
But was disappointed, when she was nothing but a mirror.
The flower of her heart wilted,
Her spirits trampled and dead.
Inner demons consuming her altered mind,
Filling it with newborn thoughts of depression and dread.
She fought them off the best she could,
But no one believed her or thought she would.
Her mind in no working condition,
Desperately reaching for help only to have no one listen
Scars tainting her tattered mind,
Invisible to others.
She tried continuing her her life without being a bother.
With demons in her head running around,
It wasn't long before she was six feet underground.