Henry H

Because of lots of conspiracy news lately, this summer my friend and I decided to go to Area 51 in Nevada. After the hacker collective Anonymous claimed alien existence was soon to be announced by the United States government and NASA and a photograph of the Mars surface suggesting that alien life existed on the Red Planet, we thought there had to be something to find around there. We had seen a bunch of videos of people trying to enter, with military men coming out and and patting them down, and snipers on hills. We had one certain feeling: this is going to be fun.

Michael woke suddenly, from a loud sound coming from his apartment door. He looked over slowly, still groggy from a long sleep. At first, the door seemed normal. Then, after a few seconds, a clicking sound began. His doorknob started turning, and when it stopped, the door flew open. His best friend stood in the doorway. Drenched from the rain, with a gaunt, ghost-like face. He fell down to the floor, blood streaming from an open bullet wound in his side. He whispered something in Michael’s ear, then dies.

  • Once upon a time, Joe tripped.

  • 15 times the cheese moved sideways

  • A fat chimpanzee ate a burrito

  • A chicken was moving to Switzerland

  • The chicken’s name was Joe Shmoe

  • Joe Shmoe lived happily ever after

  • Jim’s Carrot Shack was recently closed.

  • It closed because of health violations.

Once upon a time everybody decided to leave Earth and go to space, searching for a new planet. The Earth had been destroyed by the sun, and life on Earth was now impossible. The last remaining species on Earth were not humans, but frogs. Frogs had evolved to surpass humans in intelligence, and with their smarts they were able to figure out humanity’s weakness and terrorized all of the humans. They had built spaceships and were able to find the new home of the humans in exactly 48 seconds. There, they sent down a video signal, giving the humans a message.


The Assassination of Max Spiers

On July 16th, 2016, a man by the name of Max Spiers was found dead in his hotel room. Now, who is Max Spiers?

Max was from Canterbury, England and had managed to make a career out of his research and investigating unexplained UFO sightings and alleged government cover-ups. He had recently begun delving into the lives of many well-known figures in politics, business and entertainment. Max Spiers had gone to Warsaw, Poland before his death to speak at a conspiracy theorist convention, because of his knowledge of extraterrestrials and unidentified flying objects. Days later, he was found dead on his hotel couch.

Now, this seems suspicious right off the bat, but oh, there’s more. Max Spiers was one of two conspiracy theorists found dead from unknown causes. What makes it weirder, is that just days before his mysterious death, a message was sent from his cell phone to his mother, saying, and I quote, “Your boy’s in trouble. If anything happens to me, investigate.” His death sent much controversy into the Conspiracy Theorist Community, and an investigation into his death was opened on August 30th, 2016. No definite causes of death have been named. The Polish government claims he died of “natural causes.”

Spiers “had been staying with a woman he had not known for long,” his mother stated in an interview. The woman stated that before his death he had “vomited large quantities of some kind of black fluid.” Conspiracy Theorists across the globe claim that Spiers was assassinated by a government who saw Spiers getting too close to something that they did not want public. The hacker collective known as Anonymous also claims he had already gotten close to a very sensitive matter the governments of the world did not want public.

So, what was his death REALLY about? Was he assassinated for his knowledge? Was his death of “natural causes”? Sadly, we can never know for sure.

The Dyatlov Pass Incident

In January of 1959, Igor Dyatlov led an expedition team of eight very young Soviet hikers into the Ural Mountains, as it was a very unexplored region at the time, attempting to reach Mount Otorten, from a small settlement called Vizhai. The group never reached its destination.

Months later, the Soviets deduced that something bad must have happened, and they sent another group to find the group led by Dyatlov. What they found was not pretty. They found the group’s campsite, completely ravaged by some unknown force. Two of them had fractured skulls, two more had major chest fractures, one was even missing her tongue.

The Soviet rescue group sent to find Dyatlov had also found out that one of the people had tried climbing a tree, and almost all of the tents had been cut through. From the inside. Almost all of the hikers were naked. It was as if something had scared them, to the point of no return. If there were any footprints that belonged to who -- or what -- ever scared and killed them, they were covered up by the snow. The Soviet rescue group found a camera with many pictures on it, almost all of the film destroyed.

So, the question is, what exactly happened here? All of the hikers were tested for their mental health stability before the expedition, and all of them were fine, so none of them should have snapped during the expedition. One of the most baffling parts of this incident is that all of the clothes that the hikers had had large levels of radiation.

Some theories say that extraterrestrial vehicles tried acquiring the hikers, and they went crazy over the existence of the extraterrestrials, or the testing done by the extraterrestrials caused them to go insane. Other theories say that a Russian Bigfoot ravaged the campsite, but that theory doesn’t cover the radiation found on the clothing. Another theory explains that there was Soviet bomb testing nearby, and they wanted the hikers to be nearby to see the effects of the bombs.

What happened in the Dyatlov pass in 1959, we will never know.

JFK Assassination

On November 22, 1963, the 35th President of the United States of America was assassinated, from what the House Select Committee on Assassinations concluded was two fatal shots to the back of the head coming from the Texas School Book Depository. That just doesn't make any logical sense.

Abraham Zapruder filmed what is now known as the Zapruder Film, the only film that captured the Assassination. It clearly shows JFK’s head get blown back by what had to be a force of at least three bullets, from multiple gunmen. Two bullets to the back of the head would make the head go forward. Also, a large chunk of Kennedy’s head flew off, which couldn't have happened with two bullets, but at least three from different angles, and it was a frontal piece of his head that came off, which is impossible if you're shot from behind, like the House Select Committee on Assassinations claimed he was.

Now, onto the alleged assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald. Former Marine, family man, PATSY. He was recruited by the government to take the fall for Kennedy’s death.

While in the Marines, Oswald was such a terrible shot, he was moved to Radar Communications. So, for such a terrible shot like him to fire two killing shots onto a moving target is impossible.

Also, the 6.5 mm Carcano Rifle, the alleged assassination weapon, has a massive recoil, making it even more impossible for a terrible shot such as Oswald to fire two killing shots 2-4 seconds apart.

Many of the doctors who operated on the president claimed that there were more than two bullets, and that they did not belong to a 6.5 mm Carcano Rifle.

And, still on the topic of the autopsy, by law, the President of the United States of America is to be operated on in the city of his/her death, in this case, Dallas, Texas.

So then the Secret Service illegally moved the president’s dead body to the Bethesda Military Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland.

That's that. I believe that everything having to do with the Assassination of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy points towards a massive inner government conspiracy to kill it's own president.

I looked at the horizon. Long barbed wire fences surrounded the settlement I used to call home. And now, I will never go back. They had all turned on me. My father had just tried exposing a massive conspiracy in our settlement, and they decided to silence my family, by killing them. I had escaped. It has now been 5 years since my escape, and it was time. I laid down onto the desert sand and looked through the scope of the rifle. There was the bomb in the middle of the settlement. And there, there was the Mayor. I put my finger on the trigger, but then I heard a gun cock behind me.

“Now that’s enough, kid,” a voice said. I looked up, and there was a New California Republic soldier with a gun to my head.