The Problem With Group Chats

Introduction

In this day and age, group chats are a key component to middle school friend groups. However, they are not always great. As a middle schooler myself, I use them nearly every day. Group chats used to be one of my favorite ways to talk to my friends. I could include everyone easily, did not need to schedule anything to chat with them, and felt like responses were not needed immediately. Basically, group chats felt easier than real life! As my friends and I get older, however, this does not seem to be the case. Over text, ordinary social rules can feel insignificant, and the fact that people can be "kicked out" of chats makes everything more intense. The biggest issue, though, is reading tone.

The Problem

Before getting a texting device, many of us were warned that perceiving tone was tricky over text. The dreaded "period" is a no-no when messaging, because it seems to solemn and menacing. Exclamation points are just as scary, though, since they seem so loud. At this point, middle schoolers have learned to avoid punctuations almost entirely. Yet, tone is still difficult to understand over text, if not in person. (Emojis help somewhat, but very few people have the time to add them after each sentence.) When you are in a group chat, this can especially be the case, since so many people are often texting, and there are more emotions to read. 

The fact that tone is so difficult to read is obviously a problem for many reasons. First of all, especially among sensitive and emotional middle schoolers, misreading tone can cause oodles of drama. If one understands a message incorrectly, tender friendships can be destroyed. I personally have definitely met people who misread their friends' texts, leading to arguments, and eventually a friendship break-up. Secondly, it can hurt students' feelings. If someone reads a message in a negative light, they might read it as an insult, and feel hurt. Last of all, not understanding tone correctly can lead people to act up over text hurtfully back. Then, nobody is the villain, but everyone feels awful.

To help elaborate on this point, I took a real conversation from an existing group chat that I am on. I edited it so as not to give away any personal information. The following messages were texted this winter by middle school girls. They had been talking about food, but the topic shifted quickly when a new person joined the conversation.

Gabby: I am making garlic bagels

Anna: Some people are trying to go ice-skating why are you texting so much

Margaret: That’s so delicious! How is your dog doing?❤️

Gabby: 😐 

Sorry Anna

Margaret: Sorry, we can stop. Have fun!

Anna: It's OK I'm just gonna turn off notifications

Margaret: Oh, alright. 

    Thanks, and say hi to everyone for me!

Anna: ????

Margaret: You said you were ice skating with people??

  😅

Anna: Yeah, and I have a hidden Pond

    I have a hidden pond and I skate there. Sometimes I invite friends but we'll see if Rose comes.

Gabby: Cool

Anna: Any of you have ice skates?

Gabby: no 

Margaret: No 

Anna: .😭

Margaret: I hope you have a great time though! See you later at theater ☺️

Why Does This Explain It?

That conversation is an excellent example of tone being hard to read in a group chat. At first, Anna sounds like she is being aggressive in her way of complaining that Gabby and I are texting. She also points out that "people" are ice skating, which is mysterious and could be read as leaving us out. Then, she specifically points out that she invites her "friends" to ice skate with her at a secret pond. "Friends" as in, not you two. She even points out another person in the friend group whom she invited. 

After all that, Anna asks if Gabby and I have ice skates, which basically asks, "Want to ice skate with us?" So, even though it sounded like she made a point of not inviting us at first, she does. Not only does she invite us, Anna is sad that neither of us can come. It now seems like everything was a big misunderstanding! Gabby and I will never know what Anna was truly trying to do in this conversation, and if she meant anything in a snarky way at all. 

Conclusion

This issue is certainly difficult, but you should still use group chats. They often create a sense of community, which is wonderful! In the end, it is just important to be careful when you are texting on them.