Captain Squeaks

Captain Squeaks 

The Gorgonzola War

By Colin Wang

Chapter One

Something cheesy

In the mighty stronghold atop cheddar ridge lived the Great Captain Squeaks. He was the dictator of the whole. kingdom. He was so aggressive he could defeat any kingdom on the face of the earth (experiments are needed to confirm this). . In his castle was 1,000 cheese cannons(modern military cannons), 1,000,000 rigorously trained  men, and 1,000 Cheese-16 hornets that were capable of holding a payload of 1,000 bombs per Cheese-16, 1,000 armored assault vehicles and of course, a extensively large naval fleet of Swiss class aircraft carriers, destroyers, cruisers and nuclear submarines powered by moldy goat cheese+blue cheese. But at the moment Captain squeaks was training more than 1,000 new recruits in the training quarters. He was looking at the soldiers that were practicing their aiming. They held up their Cheese-16’s and 

Captain Squeaks counted “3...2…..1…… FIRE!” cheese sored through the sky going 3 hundred miles per hour. And wham! An apple was obliterated(apples were chosen because they were good target practice and Captain Squeaks hated apples because people liked them more than cheese, in fact his dream was to one day remove apples from the universe.)

“Good,” said the Captain Squeaks. ¨Now you must increase your range which you can be accurate in. If you go less than 16 miles, … well end of the line for you.¨ he then walked over to the fighters who specialized in using all sorts of close range weapons. They were fighting against big dummies. 

``1……2…..3…..stab!” ”1……2…..3…..slice!” ”Wham Wham '' went the dummies flopping around. Then they threw the long sharp spear into the fake fort cheddar with dummies attached to the castle like guards protecting the castle. They nailed the dummies in the head. “This is what I want to see.” Said Captain Squeaks. `

`Yes Sir!” Said the fighters . The cavalry used their cheese spear and jab the dummies and rammed them with the big cheese horses. After they ran them over , the dummies popped up again so they could train continuously . 

“I want you to keep doing this.” Said Captain Squeaks in a very formal way. 

“Yes sir,” said the cavalry. Just as he was about to go to the double axe squad A call on his cheese-a-talkie said “Code red sir, this is general Nibbles, at the headquarters NOW!” Captain Squeaks rushed to the headquarters; this never happened to the fort cheddar. Up the stairs, left and up a chees-evater. Up to floor 5 and into room 510 which has a sign that said Cheese Quarters. He swung and opened the door. And there were his top generals and commanders. General Nibbles, General Cookie, and Commander Parmesan ``There you are,” said General Nibbles. “We have important news.” “What is it?” asked Captain Squeaks

Chapter Two

The Cheese Mystery

“The cheese treasury is gone! '' Said General Nibbles “Our accountants counted it just a few hours ago, someone must've found the secret code!”

''NO!!” yelled Captain Squeaks. “I spent my entire time saving the cheese money to make me richer. We must see who took the cheese or we will have no more money to make me rich… uh I mean to have food for the soldiers to survive.”. 

“ I think that it was the cats who stole the money. They must have known that the soldiers were going to starve.” replied General Nibbles. “ We must launch a counterattack to steal the cheese treasury back or we will all starve.”Caption Squeaks, took out his cheese-o-scope and went to the look-out guard towers. 

“Where could the culprit be?” questioned Captain Squeaks. He looked to the left then the right, when he searched to the right. Then General Cookie saw something to the right. 

“Wait, I just saw something,” said General Cookie. “It looks like……..

He paused, then he finally said ”Cats. It looks like cats.” Everyone looked at General Cookie. 

“What?” went to all the generals but Captain Squeaks said “where?”

“Over here!” said General Cookie. Captain Squeaks saw. He looked closely “ Your right!” Said Captain Squeaks “It’s the cats, they’re carrying the cheese! We must attack the cats in Catville and mainly the king, Now.”

Down in Catville scout Forger and scout Fortner were rushing to the king of the Cats with a chest. “Your majesty, scout Fortner at your service. We found this at Captain Squeak’s fort. We discovered the secret passage to the riches in the castle without being spotted” he opened the lid and out came cheese riches.” “Yes”, said the king. I wanted these riches forever. You two, scout Fortner and Forger shall be my best scouts.” said the king. “But Captain Squeaks won’t know it was us, or do they?”

Chapter Three

   The plan

Back at the fort, Captain Squeaks called every one of his commanders, lieutenants and generals to Fort Cheddar. Captain Squeaks began the meeting with this: “Ok folks I had summoned you to this fort for an important meaning. General Nibbles please come up and explain what is happening in our totally not tyrannic kingdom[citation needed].” “Yes sir, Caption Squeaks. So I discovered that the cats are going underground to steal our cheese money!!”yelled General Nibbles. “Gasp!!! How dare they!!!”(it's bold for drama ok so imagine it to be like “ScReaMMM”) General Nibbles replied. ”The search team for the money has not returned yet but they sent me a message on my newest Cheesy apple-...1000!!” “Wow!!” Everyone said ``That is the best phone ever created!!” “I know, I know, it's newly developed by Swiss Tech. inc, all the latest technology is loaded into this beauty.” Replied General Nibbles. “Anyways they sent me a message that said they were sniffing out a cat in the caves just north of Ratopia! So here is the plan.”

“So the plan is that half the army is going to take care of the cats up north. Then my army will split in 2 to go to Catville and stop at  Barn Owl city to raid their supplies. Then we are back on the road to invade the remote cat city called Ragdoll. Then after that we had a surprise attack on their capital Maine Coon. Then we take our cheese money back and run away. Then we can finally feed our people and reclaim our title as the most powerful civilization on Earth. But we are still starving, every single one of our lives depends on this. Let’s begin the Swiss operation.

Chapter Four  

Assault On Great Fort Meow

“OK, it's cheese-o-clock. This is where we start our ultimate *he he he* “plan” to raid a.k.a take over and ruthlessly tax Barn Owl City and take their supplies while Commander Parmesan takes care of the catty beast up north. Ok let’s review your plan, first we split the army in two and the first division will go and take care of the cats up north. Then I will split my army in half (yeah he has a lot of armies)and conquer Catville and make a pitstop at Barn Owl City to restock on supplies. Got it?*everyone in the room is like “NO DUDE*, ok let's begin operation swiss. But to surround the owls, we will have an army in the south and west with the river east of us loaded with our battleships blocking the river so they can’t escape(a fort cheddar can hold many armies for the not so brainy people reading this book) .

“Ok time to go, see you Commander Parmesan tomorrow at Swiss-56. Ok, Cheese 16 Hornet’s. Take the top and we will attack Barn Owl City.” Said Captain Squeaks. “Good luck to you, Captain Squeaks.” Said Commander Paramson. As the General Parmesan takes Cheese Hornet 16 he notices something about one of the controllers. “Hey what is this!!??!??! Is this what I think it is??” Yells Commander Parmesan “What sir?” Asked one of the soldiers. “ This is not cheese, this is yarn!!” “GAsp!!!!” Yelled the soldier. We must report this on Captain Squeaks Idemmedily!!” But it was too late, the rats looked up and saw not 100 but 1000 Yarn filled Lockhead Martin f-22 Raptors already coming down to attack. This might be just the end for Captain Squeaks. (this is a book not a movie but just imagine as soon as you read that last sentence it was like:DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?)

Chapter Five

Captain Squeaks fights back

“This is it king Ragdoll the starving mice can’t hold our 1,000 L M f-22 Raptors. Wait a minute. They are talking to the king of the sky. I repeat they are taking to the skies.” Said one of the pilots.(Here's what is happening by the way for you interested readers: Captain Squeaks: Hi sky king, big fan of your work making cat planes not planes so can I ask you a favor? Sky king:NO!) Meanwhile  Captain Squeaks is on the ground saying to his rifleman and snipers, “ Ok people we must protect our city, take out as many planes as you can and finish them off. This attack will make it to history and everyone on cheesetube will post videos about the great Captain Squeaks and how powerful he is and… wait why aren't you guys firing??” “You haven't given us the order to shoot.” answered one of his men. *Captain Squeaks be like:BRO”Oh ok you can fire.” Said Captain Squeaks.PEW PEW PEW  in an instant 100 of the planes blew up and Captain Squeaks could actually win.[citation needed]

The battle of Who Cut The Cheese lasted Gauda hours (3 days and 4 hours and 59 secs.) but in the end both sides were heavily damaged on both sides. The mice got more hungry and many cats were killed due to AA cheese guns. *Meanwhile inside Captain Squeaks mind: REVENGE!!! EXTINCTION OF CATS WARRRRRR*Squeaks Would have the first attack on them but first they needed to get their money back.*

¨We still have no money, what do we do!! Yelled Captain Squeaks. "We can tax the poor" Yelled Nigra De Lafra (a french cavalryman of the mice)"Yeah but wouldn't that cause attention all across our kingdom sir Nigra De Lafra." Called out The best spearmen Keldan De Powerla.  "Yes, maybe Keldan De Powerla, but it's our only chance to invade Catville. Also we only need a little and right after the war we can cancel all the taxes."said Nigra De Lafra."Still…"But Keldan couldn't finish speaking before he anonouns it to Captain Squeaks. "Hmmmmmm that sounds like a good idea. Let's talk about it with the other generals and see if they would be cool with"

Chapter Six

Tax the poor

“Ok, all in favor of taxing the poor??(16.5 people raised their hands. The .5 is because Captain Squeaks obese pet goat that briefly stood up on his hind legs because more money means more food for him)) all depose?? 16 people raised their hands. Ok, taxes will be put on the poor so we can restore our supplies and ammunition and more food for Mr.Obese goat." Said Captain Squeaks "we would do anything to win this war against cats.”

Tax collectors suddenly started showing up everywhere where the poor lived in Rottoncheese town. The poor begin to suddenly realize what was on. They were being taxed, there was a war going on and they were about to start a revolution. So how did that go out? Well when they went on a riot to attack the captain's men in rottoncheese.  Captain Squeaks finally agreed to step down and get rid of 10% of the tax. First  the poor thought that "Hooray no more taxes." But then the king just sent in with an even bigger tax rate. So yeah. Good luck with that people.

Captain Squeaks has realized that the taxes had not been going so well so he called everyone to the main table and said "Hey guys it seemed to everyone concerned that the taxes had not been going well and so we called a homeless to help us have reason for not to have taxes and help us to come up with plans to get our cheese money back. So all in favor? (29 people raised their hand) All deposed?(1.5 people raised their hand) Itś official. Taxes will be decreased on the 3rd estate. Right now let's just attack catville. Ok captain, hite, hite, hite, hite, hite, hite!

Chapter Seven 

Wall Smashing

“Ok of all we are the biggest, scariest, army in the entire world[citation needed]. Itś going to be awesome and we are going to attack catville. ``What could possibly go wrong?(life lessons 101: never say “What could possibly go wrong´ because then things will get worse)´ Said Captain Squeaks. It turns out… nothing. This invasion was perfect.“ Hey good luck to you CommanderDinner Leftovers.” Said General Peanut. “Good luck to you, General Peanut. This is going to be awesome." They went and they parted ways. Commander Dinner leftovers went and stole Barn Owl city supplies.

"Hey I came up with a catchy catch phrase. How about… We are the best, better than the rest[citation needed].” Said the soldier. “ Yeah, that is a great catch phrase. It also rhymes.(Just so you know the soldier is lying but in case you don’t know how an army works you don’t disrespect people of higher ranks.)  ” said Commander Dinner Leftovers. “Any ways no fooling around let go. 

As team A went for catville team B went to raid Barn Owl City.” Now that we went for an attack we must begin with our cheese artillery first. So all the artillery batteries must be in place for attack .“ said Commander Dinner Leftovers. The mice went in and put the balls into the cannons and lit the rope. BU BOOM! The cannon balls soar through the sky and, bam! right into the castle. Meanwhile at Barn Owl City. Team b Finally got all the food they could find and rushed back to catville with the walls of yarn destroyed. The men must destroy them . This is going down in cheese history with his awesome other stuff that also happens and Captain Squeaks is going to promote me and then I will Have such high ranks Captain Squeaks and when  Captain Squeaks dies my name would be on the thro…” “Yep I think we are done here.”

This was it. The walls are breaking. People are running out of popcorn in the theaters. This was it. The very first battle of this very war. The Battle of Catville. And the cheddar war has begun. Oh yeah. They ate frogs. (Gross.)

Chapter Eight

Castle Retreat 

“ Ok men. This is the very first battle of this war. I got good news and bad news. The good news is that the wall is almost destroyed. The bad news is. We are out of Cheese Bull. So we must have frog juice instead (Gross.) So what are we waiting for? Go Go GO!!!“ Said Commander Cotton. 

“Charge!” yelled Captain Squeaks. The mice ran and the cats were caught off guard. The cats quickly reacted and charged at the mice. The battle of Catville had just begun. DA, DA, DA,!!! General Gael (A French Tank General.) Send his tanks and DA, DA, DA!!! As he shot his cheese cannons to the top of the castle, he took down the guards . “Yeah we won,” said Captain Squeaks. But then the cats came back with a half a bigger and clober the right back. “Holy boy. This ant-sized cat is going through holes around us!!” said Captain Squeaks. “Hey!! I'm Average height at the time!!”Said King Ragdol “Sniff”

“Ok, how do we do this? Wait… I got it!!! We will use the Parmesan 54’s and take charge on them. This could be the best idea ever!!!” Said Bobbob the soldier. “Dude that really messes me up ,what is wrong with you?” Said a soldier. “My father used to punish me severely” Said Bobbob

What Bobbob thought was the most brilliant idea ever, it turned out that it was as bad as a Gorilla laying an egg. The cats won and the mice had to retreat and  Captain Squeaks had to retreat from the scene. “This is going to be a bad war” said Captain Squeaks but we must keep on going.

“ How are we retreating?” Commander Do ly Folatye. “We had lost to the cat Commander” Said a random soldier on the road back home. “Well in that case I’m going to send in our best flyer fighters to take them to the skies.” said The commander. And It was agreed. The Flyer Fighter did way more damage than the mice. So that was smart of commander Do ly Folatye. The Flyer fighter managed to take on the middle of the castle but they couldn’t move on thanks to the cannons blocking the way. Finally the cat gave up. It all happened when an awesome tank man called De lour fired the last shot and BLAM!!! Right into the castle. But many of Captain Squeak's men died during the battle. This couldn’t get worse. for  Captain Squeaks ``How are we supposed to win now?”