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We shouldn’t think of anxiety as an "enemy." Remember, we are born with anxiety to help us stay alive. It’s like a safety net that lives in your brain.
Anxiety is actually really helpful—but only if you are the boss of it!
How to Be the Boss
How to Be the Boss
One of the best ways to stay in charge is to "challenge" your worry the moment it starts. You can do this by asking your brain a simple question:
"Is this a rational (reasonable) worry or an irrational (not serious) worry?"
Rational (The Helper): This is a Reasonable worry. It makes sense!
Example: You feel anxious because you are standing too close to the edge of a busy road. Your brain is telling you to step back to stay safe. Listen to this worry!
Irrational (The Trickster): This is Not Reasonable (not serious). It doesn’t really make sense, even though it feels scary.
Example: You feel anxious about asking a question in class because you're afraid people might look at you. People looking at you might make you uncomfortable or embarrassed - but there is no real danger. This is a trick!
When you spot an irrational (not serious) worry, you can tell your brain: "Thanks for trying to help, but I'm safe. I can handle this!"
For example...let's say you were asked to read out loud in class. Now you might start to feel anxious about this, but ask yourself: is my life in danger in this situation?
You will not die by having to read out loud in class (even if it feels really scary). Reminding yourself that you're not in real danger will help to gain control over your anxious thoughts and feelings.
Look at the following scenarios and decide whether it's rational or irrational to feel anxiety about:
Sitting an exam in school
Sitting an exam in school
Irrational - feeling nervous before an exam is completely normal; it shows us that we care and want to do well! So it's understandable that we can get symptoms of anxiety. But even though our exams are important, our lives do not depend on us passing our exams. As long as we try our best, that's all that matters. Remember, we can always resit our exams!
Your hair not styling the way you want it to
Your hair not styling the way you want it to
Irrational - It may feel embarrassing if our hair doesn't look a certain way. But what is the worst thing that can happen if our curls won't hold or our fringe won't flick out to the side? Is anybody going to remember this tomorrow? Next week? Next month? No, because it isn't important.
If you feel anxious about your appearance, tell yourself that you are not in real danger and talk to a trusted adult.
Trying to cross a busy road
Trying to cross a busy road
Rational - Its normal if your heart races as a car zooms past you . If you were just about to step out into the road it can kick start your flight or fight system.! When we get a burst of adrenaline (the hormone that causes anxiety), it is a warning sign to be careful.
Getting an answer wrong in class
Getting an answer wrong in class
Irrational - Yes it can feel like we might die of embarrassment if we say the wrong answer in front of our mates. But are we actually in danger? Yes you are embarrassed but actually you are not at risk of harm. Everyone gets answers wrong, so they all know how you feel. It's more important to tell ourselves that we're ok!
Not being able to use your phone in school
Not being able to use your phone in school
Irrational - We all love our phones. But in reality school can contact your parents or carers, or the emergency services if needed. The more we turn our phones off and live life without them the less reliant we are on them. See it as a little down time from scrolling and allow yourself to focus on you instead.
Watching a horror film
Watching a horror film
Irrational - Whether you love them or hate them, horror films are designed to give us an adrenaline rush... but it just so happens that adrenaline is what causes us to feel those anxious symptoms in our body! When watching a horror film, remind yourself that you are safe and it isn't real; the symptoms will soon pass. If you don't like, don't watch them!
Decatastrophizing
Decatastrophizing
What is a catastrophe?
When we are anxious, our brains can play tricks on us. It makes us think there will be a “Catastrophe”.
A Catastrophe (pronounced ca-tas-tra-fee) is a "Worst Case Scenario." It’s the scariest thing you can imagine happening. For example:
The Worry: "If I drop my tray in the lunchroom, everyone will laugh at me, the whole school will point, and I’ll never have friends again!"
That is a huge worry! But is it what will actually happen? Probably not. To take control, we use a trick called Decatastrophizing.
To do this, you change the "Worst Case" into the "Most Likely Case." (what would probably happen in real life).
Let’s try it with the lunch tray:
Worst Case: Everyone laughs and I will never have any friends.
Most Likely Case: It will be embarrassing, and I might have to get fresh food. But someone will help me, and by home time everyone will have forgotten about it.
When you look at the Most Likely Case, the worry starts to shrink!
Another example that lots of people worry about is having to stand at the front in assembly. The worst possible thing that could happen would be to trip up in front of your whole year.
But ask yourself: how many times has that actually happened before? What’s more likely to happen?
It's most likely that you go to the front and then go back to your seat with no trip ups or anyone laughing at you.
In this case you have "decatastrophized" the thought. The more you practice the easier it gets.
It might help to think of a scale: at one end is the worst possible outcome, and at the other end is the best outcome. Your “most likely scenario,” is likely to fall somewhere in between the best and worst scenario.
Take Your Thoughts To Court
Take Your Thoughts To Court
Another way to change anxious thoughts is to get all the actual evidence for them all in your mind, or write them all down. In other words, we’re being a judge on trial and “taking our thoughts to court.”
To make this technique work we have to be sure our evidence is purely factual - as if it was a court case. No assumptions, no opinions, no guesses. Our evidence has to be facts only!
It's good to write all of these thoughts out so you can see your thoughts on paper:
The Prosecution
(facts to support your anxious thought)
The Prosecution
(facts to support your anxious thought)
..............................................................................................................
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The Defense
(facts to argue against your anxious thought)
The Defense
(facts to argue against your anxious thought)
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The Judge's Vedict:
(do you need to feel anxious about this thought?)
The Judge's Vedict:
(do you need to feel anxious about this thought?)
Yes / No
It can be helpful to involve somebody you trust (e.g. family members, friends or school staff) in this activity, as they can help you identify facts that you might not have considered.
You’re likely to find that you don’t actually have a lot of evidence to support your anxious thoughts!
Reframing Negative Thoughts
Reframing Negative Thoughts
Changing your negative thoughts for positive ones is a bit like giving your brain a new map to follow.
Swapping Your Thoughts
Swapping Your Thoughts
A great way to stop worries is to change the words in your head. When you are aware of a "scary" thought, you can swap it for a "brave" one!
Imagine your brain has little pathways in it for your thoughts to travel on. These pathways are built by your thoughts. So if you always think worried thoughts, that pathway gets stronger and easier to travel on. However, if you think positive thoughts, you will build brand-new strong pathways! The more you use the new path, the easier it gets to stay positive and calm.
Change Your Thoughts
Change Your Thoughts
Here's an idea of how to switch a "Worry Thought" into a "Brave Thought":
The Worry Thought: "I can't walk into the classroom late! Everyone will stare at me!"
The Brave Thought: "If I walk in late people might look up, but they will look away after a second”
See the difference? The Worry Thought makes you want to hide. The Brave Thought tells you the truth: you are okay!
Practice doing this as often as you can, every time you have a negative thought think of a positive one.
Practice doing this as often as you can, every time you have a negative thought think of a positive one.
Read the following anxiety-producing statements. Come up with a more rational and positive statement to tell yourself instead:
Anxiety-Producing Thought
Anxiety-Producing Thought
I won't finish all of my work on time!
I can't face my teacher; they're going to shout at me because I didn't do my homework.
None of my friends are speaking to me
More Rational and Positive Thought
More Rational and Positive Thought
I have completed as much work as I can and my teacher will know I've tried my best.
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Distraction Techniques
Distraction Techniques
Sometimes, no matter how much we try to challenge our anxiety and prevent ourselves from entering into the Fight, Flight or Freeze response, sometimes anxiety does take over our body. When this happens, we need a way of gaining back control of both our body and brain, by implementing distraction techniques.
A distraction technique is anything that you can do to distract your brain from releasing adrenaline and cortisol (which causes our body to respond in the way it does); when distracted, your brain will no longer release these hormones, which then helps your anxious symptoms to pass. This can be known as the relaxation response.
It’s important to practise these techniques in a state of calm, so that we’re more likely to be able to do them when in a state of anxiety.
Deep Breathing
Deep Breathing
A common and scientifically-proven distraction technique is that of deep breathing.
Now I know what you’re thinking…. It’s so annoying when somebody tells us to breathe, when it’s something that we’ve automatically been doing since the moment we were born! But if we learn the reason why deep breathing is so effective, we can then appreciate it as a useful distraction technique.
How it works: when we breathe deeply, we are taking in more oxygen than when we breathe regularly/automatically. When this extra oxygen reaches our brain, our brains are then able to instruct our anxious bodies to calm down (initiating the relaxation response). Think back to where we feel anxiety in our bodies; the extra oxygen will help to alleviate those bodily reactions (e.g. our legs will stop shaing, we will stop feeling sick, we won't feel so hot and sweaty etc.
A way to ensure you are deep breathing effectively is to do the following:
Sit down in a comfortable position and place your hand on your stomach.
Take a deep breath in through your nose for four seconds, as if you’re smelling your favourite flower (or another favourite smell!).
Hold your breath for four seconds (or for as long as feels comfortable).
Breath out through your mouth as if you’re blowing out your candles on your birthday cake. That’s a lot of candles so try to make your breath out last for six seconds.
Repeat steps 1-4 for ten times (you may already start to feel calm before completing these steps several times, in which case, you can stop deep breathing).
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
PMR is a way to help your body relax by choosing to alternate between tensing and relaxing certain muscles in your body. When in a state of anxiety, our muscles can feel very tense; practising PMR allows us to gain control of our bodies when we are feeling anxious, as relaxing our muscles will start the relaxation response.
Another benefit to practising PMR is that we will become more aware of when we are beginning to feel anxious, as tense muscles are a part of the body where we feel anxiety.
To practise PMR, do the following:
Feet - curl your toes tightly into your feet…then relax
Calves - point and flex your toes up and down…then relax
Thighs - squeeze your thighs together…then relax
Stomach - squeeze in your stomach…then relax
Hands - make a fist by curling your fingers into your palms…then relax
Arms - make fists with your hands and squeeze them towards your shoulders…then relax
Back - squeeze your shoulder blades together…then relax
Shoulders - lift and squeeze your shoulders towards you ears…then relax
Face - scrunch your facial features to the centre of your face…then relax
Whole body - squeeze all muscles together…then relax!
5-4-3-2-1
The 5-4-3-2-1 is a grounding technique that encourages you to focus on details in your surroundings that you may not normally notice. By identifying things that relate to each sense, your body and brain are connecting with each other and distracting them from the feelings of anxiousness; instead, your brain and body are being present in the moment. Wherever you are, you will be able to ground yourself by tuning into your senses using this technique.
What are 5 things you can see?
What are 5 things you can see?
Look for small details such as a pattern on the ceiling, the way light reflects off of a surface, or an object you've never noticed.
What are 4 things you can feel?
What are 4 things you can feel?
Notice the sensation of clothing on your body, the sun on your skin, or the feeling of the chair that you're sitting in. Pick up an object and examine its weight, texture and other physical qualities.
What are 3 things you can hear?
What are 3 things you can hear?
Pay special attention to the sounds your mind has tuned out, such as a ticking clock, distant traffic, or trees blowing in the wind.
What are 2 things you can smell?
What are 2 things you can smell?
Try to notice smells in the air around you, like an air freshener or freshly mowed grass. You may also look around for something that has a scent, such as a flower, or an unlit candle
What is 1 thing you can taste?
What is 1 thing you can taste?
Carry chewing gum, mints, or even a fruity lip balm; focus your attention on the flavour/s once you put it in your mouth
Categories
Another way to distract your brain is to think of a category and list as many items as you can to do with that category. For example, the category could be ‘animals.’ List as many different animals as you can until you can’t think of any more!
To make this extra challenging for when you’re extremely anxious, you could try to come up with an animal for each letter of the alphabet!
Examples of categories you could use are: animals, colours, places, foods…whatever you can think of!
Working Backwards
From a young age, we learn how to count forwards, and we learn how to read and spell…moving from left to right. Doing these things backwards is a great way of distracting our brains because we have to really concentrate, as it doesn’t come naturally to us!
Counting - count backwards from 100 in groups of a certain number, e.g. counting backwards in 7s would be: 100, 93, 86, 79 etc. The great thing about this task is that you can start from any number you like….the choices are infinite!
Spelling - spelling backwards requires a lot of concentration. Start with spelling your full name backwards, then we can progress to other people’s names, days of the week, months of the year….in fact, any words that we read and write on a daily basis!
Reading - once you have acquired the skill of spelling backwards, you can distract your brain further by trying to read words backwards. This really gives our brain a workout and will distract it from our anxious thoughts.
These distraction techniques are just some strategies you could try. They have been selected as you don’t need any specialised equipment and they can be implemented discreetly, no matter where you are when anxiety strikes!
You may find some work better than others, and that’s ok. This is about you finding what works for you.
Remember to practise these distraction techniques whilst in a state of calm, so that you can implement them when needed (when in a state of anxiousness)!
If you've tried using these coping strategies and distraction techniques and you still feel that you need some additional help and support with your anxiety, click the Help and Support for Anxiety button below.
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