Crayon Colors: Objectively Ranked

Poppy Eagleton, Ava Fowler -- April 28th

Have you ever been kept awake deep into the night, worrying about whether forest green was better than turquoise blue? Or whether carmine was better than piggy pink? Well, you aren't alone: according to the Federal Agency of Public Knowledge (FAPK) debating the superiority of crayon colors is the #1 cause of anxiety and depression in the United States. 

In order to mitigate this perplexity we have devised an objective ranking of Crayola crayon colors from worst to best.

24) Dandelion 

According to the FAPK, Dandelion is the most dangerous crayon color.     This is why, due to immense legal pushback, Crayola was forced to discontinue the crayon in 2016. 

23) White

You cannot see it when you use it to draw. 

22) Silver

The metallic effect does not show up. 

21) Gold I

Literally not the color gold. It is green.

20) Unmellow Yellow

Indistinguishable from Laser Lemon. 

19) Laser Lemon

Indistinguishable from Unmellow Yellow. 

18) Sizzling Red

Gross, putrid, hotdog red. 

17) Carnation Pink

The color is nice, but the crayon wax gets everywhere. 

16) Wash the Dog

Literally disgusting, does not share any resemblance with the name, and is the same color as Dandelion. 

15) Spring Frost

Why is it green spring s still absolutely freezing It is an ugly color and als information

14) Blast Off Bronze

It's not even bronze :( its like purple

13) Shamrock

Pretty but it's not even green they should fire their crayon namer.

12) Red

The color red.

11) Macaroni and Cheese

It's cool, I guess. Not the worst.

10) Blue Wild Yonder

Delicious, but banned in 45 European countries. 

9) Lavender II

Worse than Lavender I, but more delicious than Blue Wild Wonder.

8) Lavender I

The superior Lavender.

7) Gold II

Gold.

6) Purple Pizazz

Stunning name id rank it higher if it wasn't lowkey pink.

5) Dark Venetian Red

Mars rock color.

4) Green

Borderline teal but pretty good.

3) Burnt Sienna

Delicious, classic color.

2) Light Chrome Green

Fantastic, most scrumptious.

1) Gargoyle Gas

It's amazing. Utterly outstanding.The prettiest shade of yellow by far.