JUNE

JUNE

Sorry for Now – Linkin Park

“So I’ll be sorry for now,

That I couldn’t be around.

Sometimes things refuse

To go the way we planned.”

June stands as the most devastating chapter of the year—a month that reshaped everything. The song Sorry for Now captured the helplessness of watching carefully built plans collapse without warning. What happened was not a minor setback, but a profound rupture: shocking news that dismantled goals for the year and caused a sudden, drastic loss of income that had been stable for nearly a decade. There was no prior notice, no formal communication, and no clear alternative offered—only silence where clarity should have been.

Being moved from the faculty room to the machine shop to somewhere marked the beginning of a deeper unraveling. It was there that the true story unfolded: years of effort, personal investment, and sacrifice seemingly erased in an instant, bursting like fragile bubbles. The lyric “sometimes things refuse to go the way we planned” felt painfully literal. While faith insisted that this might be part of God’s will, the human weight of confusion, frustration, and emptiness was overwhelming—pushing dangerously close to anxiety and depression.

The pain was not only emotional but physical. After days of crying in silence, the body itself seemed to respond—raising unsettling questions about illness and inner damage. Amid the devastation came self-doubt: Am I still needed? Am I still useful? Or is this a strategy meant to make me leave on my own? These questions lingered without answers, intensifying the fear.

June was not just sad—it was terrifying. It was a month where the world crumbled quietly, where apologies felt unspoken, and where plans disintegrated without explanation. Sorry for Now became the voice of that moment: an acknowledgment of absence, loss, and the painful truth that sometimes, despite effort and faith, things simply do not go as planned.

"There will be a day that you will understand" (I hope so.)

It's an ordeal to me.