You Say U Love Me Then U Wanna Be My Friend __LINK_

My oldest friend from childhood and I were apart for 20+ years and then in our 40s she rather miraculously and accidentally wound up moving to the same town where I live now. We would sit and talk for hours in my living room or hers, and it was such a gift to be with someone who knew me (and her) in such depth. She had to move again to take care of her very elderly mother, and do I ever miss that idle hanging out, talking about what we were reading, watching, cooking, thinking, wishing, hoping, listening to, wearing, people around us, etc. etc.

I think this sort of friendship is often gendered: women stereotypically do a lot of errands and housework; women love to just hang out and chat. But men do this too, they just do it with sports in the background. Those hangouts are somewhat more appointment based, but when there\u2019s three football games on over the course of a day, you can kinda just agree to show up. Same with playing golf: oh, you wanna just spend like four hours walking and talking??? You know what? Men also love to hang out and talk. Intimacy is for everyone.

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When I lived in New York, I felt helpless to make friends. I hated \u201Cgetting drinks\u201D after work with someone I\u2019d met once. I didn\u2019t want to have to constantly plan my friendships. I loved my work friends but they were my work friends. I missed my Errand Friends, which is another way of saying I missed intimacy.

There\u2019s so much I want to do when all of this is over. But one of the things I want to do the most is show up at a friend\u2019s house, drive around doing mundane shit, then go back to their place and do nothing, absolutely nothing at all.

From a comprehensive understanding of what this relationship means to you in the context of your life, you might then engage in a cost-benefit analysis of sorts. First, what do you have to gain by communicating your feelings to your friend and exploring the potential for shifting your relationship to a romantic one? And with any decision, no matter how positive and beneficial it may be, there is always a cost. So in thinking about having this conversation with your friend, you might also ask yourself: at what cost would having the conversation come?

Falling in love with a friend is the stuff of rom-coms. You already seek them out in group situations and adore each other, but a healthy and thriving romantic relationship needs more than physical attraction and a few shared interests.

There's a lot of measured reflection needed when you're in love with your friend because your connection is at stake. Handling the meaningful friendship with care is important so you can preserve your friendship in case they don't feel the same way. It's hard to consider the painful reality that your feelings could be unrequited, that they're not interested in a romantic relationship, or that you risk losing the friendship because the awkwardness is hard to recover from. But knowing there are high stakes will help you figure out the best way to respectfully have the conversation.

Think about where you're currently at and why you're in love with them right now. Are you lonely and your friend is filling a void, which is why you're becoming interested in them? Are you fighting with your current romantic partner, which is making you consider someone else? Did they just get out of a relationship, and you want to finally tell them how you feel? Do you want to be with them to hook up or because you want a long-term relationship?

Separate whether you're in love with them or whether your friend is a mirror into an undiscovered and underlying issue you might be desiring from the connection. Parsing through the subtleties of the attraction along with your intentions and expectations will help you ground your feelings in realism.

Since they're your friend, it's likely you'll know how they behave when they like someone. Before you have the conversation, become objectively curious about their interpersonal behavior. Pay attention to how they act around you in subtle and obvious ways. If they're into you, they'll reciprocate flirtiness and you'll see some nerves on their side. If they're not into you, you'll notice they're not interested in cultivating intimate, flirty moments, and they're likely not jealous about your love life. They may support and champion it instead.

One caveat: Sometimes it's hard to tell if they're interested in you because they're also afraid of ruining the friendship. "There is a spectrum of risk that initiating the conversation presents to the stability of the friendship moving forward," McCullough notes. "If there is a history of flirtation in the relationship, an acknowledgment of mutual attraction, or a gut feeling you have that this person might be falling in love with you, too, the risk is lower."

Let's say you've examined your feelings, and you've decided your friendship matters more than the possibility of something more. You love them, but perhaps you've realized they don't reciprocate your feelings, or they're not a viable romantic match long term. You don't want to risk what you already have for something that might not even work out later on.

"If you fall in love with a friend who is the same gender as you, and you've identified as straight up to this point, it might be worth exploring whether there might be more fluidity in your sexual identity than you thought," she says.

"Falling in love with a friend while you're in a relationship could be an indication that you're not completely satisfied in your relationship," she says, though she adds, "If you love both your partner and your friend, you might be interested in learning more about alternative relationship styles, such as ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory."

If you've told your friend you're in love with them, but the feelings aren't reciprocated, letting them know may bring you some relief from the what-ifs, which will help you move on. If you haven't told them but want to move on anyway, just know that letting go of your feelings won't happen overnight. So, be patient.

Falling in love can be one of the most turbulent, confusing experiences. But love requires courageous vulnerability and taking a chance on the things that really matter to you. If you want to know, open your heart and open the conversation to see what happens. Let them know how much you care about them and their friendship, and at the same time, you have these strong feelings and want to be honest with yourself and with them. You'll never know until you directly ask and make your affections known.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years now. I love her and consider myself the luckiest I have ever been to have her. She is the most loyal and committed woman I have ever been with. Ever since the first few months of our relationship, we would stay at each others' houses every night and rarely spent nights apart. So we essentially lived with each other this entire time and have had very minimal problems or conflicts. We now have our own apartment and are still getting along as living partners great. That is the beautiful thing about our relationship is that we are so compatible and cooperative that we can spend every day with each other with little-to-no problems. Of course, there are small things that we get angry about (i.e. "how come I'm always the one doing blah blah?", "all you do is play video games", etc) but they are always temporary and they do not affect the structural integrity of our relationship. We have our ups and downs, and have even separated at one point because things were not working correctly. We eventually reunited and agreed to improve on (and we have improved on) the areas where we were lacking in our relationship. Today, we are strong, together and have big commitments in our future.

BUT... here is my predicament. I have a friend that I met through work (we no longer work together currently) and have gotten to be very close friends. She confides in me about things she says she does not tell anyone else, even her family. We share several common interests, passions and get along very well. She has many desirable qualities as a woman and as a person in general. She is essentially the polar-opposite of my girlfriend in many regards. She's also drop dead gorgeous. She has also fought through some very adverse and tragic phases of her life on her own will and has made it to become a strong, independent, self-sufficient, and loving person. She still has her flaws, and actually comes to me for help and guidance. She has had a difficult past with relationships and has always seemingly ended up with guys who don't give her the love, care, commitment, dedication, etc. that she deserves. She has also stated that she is not ready for another relationship as she is still not over her ex-husband. Also, she doesn't get along with other women and doesn't have many female friends (which makes things more difficult) So recently, she has been just "hooking up", "seeing" and spending time with guys. All of which seem to just want to get in her pants. She's aware of what some guys are capable of, yet her actions still contradict what she really wants, which is to be single and emotionally heal from her previous relationship.

We text each other very often and spend time with each other a lot (sometimes alone and sometimes with my girlfriend and other friends). I've always been physically attracted to her, but in the past few months other feelings have started to develop. I feel a connection with her. It feels wrong and I don't know how it even developed. I love my girlfriend and would never break my loyalty to her. However, I also understand that you simply can't change what your heart feels. I've tried to remedy this problem with an attempt to channel or reroute my feelings in an appropriate manner, in the form of being a good and loyal FRIEND. When she needs me, I'm there. If she needs advice, I'll give it. If she needs a smile, I'll try to make her laugh. That kind of thing. Purely platonic friendship. My strategy has held firm but as not solved my problem. I don't want to have feelings for this woman! Keep in mind I have never told her that I do have feelings for her. 006ab0faaa