THE ART OF INDEPENDENCE
THE ART OF INDEPENDENCE
Firstly, I want to begin by defining what it means to be independent. Google tells us that one who is independent is one who is “not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself.” Each and every single one of us who roam aimlessly on this earth should aim to be independent. I am not saying that it is a terrible thing to be dependent on the people we surround ourselves with, but I am saying that the process of figuring out who you are as an individual should definitely not be dependent on other people. I, as a 19 year old girl, who hasn’t yet figured out who I am and probably will not for a while, cannot tell you who you are, but I can encourage you to start your journey and inform you on the harm of not realizing its importance sooner.
Being self-aware is the first step. Realizing what is important to you and your priorities, not your family or your friends, is independence. Be aware of the choices you make in life, whether it be small or large, every single choice you make derives from your understanding of life and your interactions with people that have made you who are today. I know that it may seem contradictory to what I just said about the people you surround yourself with, but it is inevitable and it is a fact that your interactions shape your abilities to make decisions about how you treat yourself and the people around you. It is your responsibility to not let their opinions influence yours.
You need to take accountability for how you treat yourself emotionally and understand the consequences of not prioritizing yourself. In the long run, you will lose yourself before you’ve even found yourself. We are not robots and we can not see the future, but, if you spend enough time with yourself, you will avoid making decisions that will harm you more than you think it will in the moment. You are not your friends, and they are not you, despite the saying that “you are who you surround yourself with.”
I am not telling you to isolate yourself and physically cut yourself off from any form of social life in order to find yourself, but I am telling you to gain confidence within yourself that you can have your own thoughts and opinions that do not need to be validated by your friends. If you seek validation on your opinions from your friends and family, that is not independence, and if you are not confident in yourself as an individual, you are not independent. It’s important for personal growth to be aware that you are not independent so that you can work toward being self-sufficient. Do not expect for this to happen overnight, it’s a process so allow yourself that process and most importantly do not compare yourself to others in the meantime. It’s okay if your timeline looks different to the people around you. Every single one of us will work on ourselves at our own pace. Work on loving yourself first, and the rest will follow. In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that have shaped you. A woman who loves herself is and always will be her own muse.
Independence, as it might not seem, is that of a subtle process. One day when you have gained confidence in your thoughts and your opinions, you will find yourself opening doors to fulfillment that a younger you would have once prayed for. Being you, being your authentic self and staying true to that version of you will scare away the people that aren’t meant to be in your life. That isn’t a sad concept because trust me when I say that you do not want people around you that do not know and love your authentic self. The people that stick around through you finding yourself through every version, are your people, people that love you and are meant to help guide you, not shape you. Expressing an opinion and saying how you feel will never ruin a real connection. People who care for eachother will always find a way back to each other. When something is right for you, it brings you clarity. When something is wrong for you, it will bring you confusion.
“In the rules of nature, absolutely nothing stays bloomed all year long, so do not expect yourself to do the same.”
Guest Essay
By Farah Saabneh
Published February 16, 2025