GOOGLE SEARCH HISTORY

why do we forget our earliest memories?

The part of our brain responsible for storing long term memories is not fully developed during infancy. Still, I wish I could recall the exact moment I became aware of myself. The first word I ever spoke. The first time I felt afraid. The first time I lied.

do goldfish actually have a three-second memory?
No. They can remember things for months. I wonder if this means they remember every time someone tapped too hard on the glass, every time the water got too cold. I wonder if forgetting is a privilege.

why do people bite their nails?
Anxiety, boredom, habit. I don’t remember when I started, but I know that I stopped in high school. The habit returned during my first semester of college, between deadlines and homesickness and the feeling that everyone else had life figured out while I was still trying to map out grocery stores.

what does it mean when you dream about losing teeth?
A sign of stress, fear of change, something about losing control. I always wake up checking my mouth for gaps.

can you die from homesickness?
I know you can’t. Not really. But there are nights when I swear I can feel the distance in my bones. When the city hums outside my window, and I wonder what Cairo sounds like at that exact moment. Sometimes I wonder if my childhood bedroom remembers me.

why do onions make you cry?
The sulfur compounds irritate your eyes. It’s a chemical reaction, simple and explainable. Sometimes I cry without an onion in sight.

why do goodbyes feel physical?

Google says it’s because the brain processes emotional pain the same way as physical pain. That’s why heartbreak aches in the chest, why missing someone feels like hunger. The last time I said goodbye to my sister, I walked away quickly, like it wouldn’t hurt as much if I didn’t look back. It didn’t work.

do pigeons ever get lost?

Homing pigeons can always find their way back, even across hundreds of kilometers. I watch one peck at crumbs outside my window, unbothered by the rush of the city. I envy its sense of direction.

what’s the difference between loneliness and solitude?

One is chosen, the other is endured. I read an article that says solitude can be beautiful, that it’s about learning to enjoy your own company. 

why do we hesitate before answering the phone?

I watched it ring, my thumb hovering over the screen. It wasn’t a bad call—not an argument, not bad news—but I let it go to voicemail anyway. Later, I listened to the message: just a familiar voice saying, “Call me when you can.” I wanted to, I meant to, but by the time I felt ready, it was too late to call back.

how long do echoes last?

Depends on the space, the material of the walls, the distance between you and the source of sound. I test it in my room, snapping my fingers, calling out my own name. Nothing lingers. Some places just swallow sound whole.

how long does it take to feel at home in a new place?
Depends on who you ask. Some say six months, some say a year. I google it while unboxing a birthday present. Inside: a scarf my mother sent me. I put it on and breathe in deep. Maybe this is how it starts.

what to do when you lose your voice?
Rest, hydration, honey. But what if it’s not my throat that’s the problem? I type and delete messages I’ll never send, swallow words before they ever leave my mouth. Losing your voice isn’t always a medical condition. Sometimes, it’s just forgetting how to be heard.

do butterflies remember being caterpillars?

Science says no. The transformation erases their memory. But part of me hopes that’s wrong, that some small part of them remembers crawling before they could fly.

do caterpillars know they will one day be butterflies?
Science says no. A caterpillar dissolves inside its cocoon, its body breaking down into something unrecognizable before it becomes whole again. I wonder if it hurts, if there’s a moment of panic before the transformation begins. I wonder if it ever mourns the version of itself that could only crawl. Some days, I feel like I’m still in that in-between state—melting, shifting, waiting for the day I emerge as something closer to who I’m meant to be.

how to tell if someone is lying?

Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, over-explaining. I analyze my own reflection in the mirror as I rehearse my script. I’m doing great. Everything is fine.

why do hands shake when you’re nervous?

Fight or flight. A surge of adrenaline, muscles tensing in preparation for something. I shove my hands in my pockets, press my fingers to my palms. Google says deep breaths help.

when do cherry blossoms bloom?
Spring. March or April, depending on the weather. I missed them last year, too caught up in assignments and deadlines. I promised myself I’d see them this year. I added a reminder to my calendar. 

how do you know when you’re happy?
The search results give me articles, checklists, bullet points. But I think happiness is quieter than that. It’s the first sip of coffee in the morning, a song you forgot you loved playing in a café, the weight of a pet sleeping on your chest. It’s not something you google. It’s something you notice.

do plants know when you talk to them?
Some studies say yes. Something about vibrations, the way sound waves might encourage growth. I think of getting a little potted plant sometimes, and talking to it. Apologizing when I forget to water it, congratulating it when new leaves appear. Maybe I’m the one who needs to hear the words. 

why do candles tunnel?

Because they weren’t burned evenly. The wax around the wick stays untouched, forming a canyon. I watch the candle on my desk, and realize I’ve been burning it wrong. The scent is still there but it won’t last as long now. I wish I had learned how to do it right from the beginning.

what does it mean if you always wake up at 3 AM?

Folklore says it’s the witching hour. Science says it’s stress. The internet says to drink chamomile tea before bed. I lie awake and count the seconds between ambulance sirens outside my window. I don’t know which explanation I believe, but I do know that 3 AM feels lonelier than any other time of day.

why do old books smell good?

It’s the breakdown of compounds in the paper—it releases the same chemical that gives vanilla its scent. I run my fingers over the yellowed pages of a book I found in a used bookstore, inhaling the scent of stories that existed before me. Someone else once held this book, underlined passages, dog-eared pages. I wonder what this book meant to them.

do streetlights have sensors or timers?

Some are automatic, responding to the fading sunlight. Others run on a strict schedule. There’s one outside my window that flickers unpredictably, sometimes off, sometimes on, like it can’t decide what it wants to be. I relate.

how accurate are weather forecasts?
I checked three different apps before I left the house. All of them said no rain. An hour later, I stood under an awning, watching the downpour turn sidewalks into rivers. My phone buzzed—a message from a friend: “You okay?” I started to type “Yeah, just waiting for it to pass,” but then I stopped. I wasn’t just talking about the rain. 

why do clocks move clockwise?
Because of sundials. Because that’s how shadows moved in the Northern Hemisphere. Because time had to be given direction. I think about this when I stare at my own clock, watching the hands move forward, forward, forward.

how to start over?
No clear answers. Just articles about moving cities, changing careers, cutting your hair. I close the tab before I can read any of them. Instead, I open a new search bar and type:

best place to get ice cream near me.

By Nazly Elbosaty

Published February 9, 2025