WHAT I WISH I KNEW BEFORE MY FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE

I don’t like to proclaim that I know a lot. Or that I have any sort of wisdom worth passing down. But, I’m currently starting my sophomore year of college, and I was thinking about the version of myself from a year ago. The girl who was so nervous it made her nauseous, so excited she couldn’t breathe. The girl who, probably maybe for the first time in her life, didn’t know what to expect. I’m writing this for her. Everything I wish I could have told her. And if you happen to also take away something from this, then I’m writing this for you, too. 

Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known. If only I was handed a detailed, step-by-step guide, explaining the ins and outs of college. That would have been great. But, maybe that’s part of it. Part of life. Figuring things out on your own, as you go. Still, if I could go back and talk to myself a year ago, here’s what I’d say to her. 

It’s okay to not have it all figured out. Everyone talks about college as if it’s the time you have to define your entire life; major, career goals, hopes, dreams. And sure, there are some people who do have their whole lives planned out. But here’s the secret: those people are the exception, not the rule. Something I learned my freshman year is that college isn’t just for figuring out what you like, it’s for figuring out what you don’t like, which is just as valuable. 

That’s definitely something I learned from personal experience. Sure, I went into college knowing I wanted to be a journalism major. I knew I loved to write. But that’s about it, which made me nervous. People would ask “Oh, so you obviously want to be a journalist, right?” I would always hesitate. Truly, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I still don’t. But figuring out what I don’t want to do feels just as fulfilling. I learned that hard-hitting investigative journalism is definitely not my thing. I learned that hard-hitting investigative journalism isn’t the only thing journalism majors are allowed to do. I continued writing. I started a blog with my best friend. I thought about writing more long-form, personal pieces. I dreamed about becoming a published author. I wondered what it might feel like to write for TV (literally on my bucket list is to be in the SNL writer’s room one day. Like, I know they would eat me alive, but maybe I want that???) Anyway, all this is to say that I definitely didn’t have anything figured out last year. And I definitely still don’t have it figured out this year.  But what I learned is that not having it figured out can be really exciting. 

Something not a lot of people will tell you about your first year of college is that feeling uncomfortable is such a feat. So, so many times you’re going to feel awkward. Out of place. Deeply, deeply uncomfortable. And when you do, I want you to pat yourself on the back. Why? Because it means you’re doing something right. It means you’re learning, changing, growing. As I’m writing this I’m realizing how sappy this sounds, but still I’ll say it with my full chest. Those moments of discomfort, they’re leading you somewhere. When you walk into a class and don’t know anyone. When you go around the circle sharing “fun facts” about yourself and your mind goes blank (this is my own personal hell). When you feel like you’re studying something that feels completely foreign to you. When you question if you made the right choices. When you get lost in the new city you live in. When you miss your friends. When you miss your family. All these little moments. They mean something. They might seem insignificant or awkward in the moment, but over time, you’ll realize they’re shaping you in ways you can’t even see yet.

You wanna know what goes hand in hand with discomfort? Impostor syndrome. Man, it’s a real bitch. Maybe this is just a me thing, but I’ve never experienced a worse case of impostor syndrome than freshman year of college. Here’s the thing: In high school, it’s really easy to feel good about yourself. You’re in a smaller pond. For the most part you feel like you’ve got a handle on things. It’s great. Then you get to college, and suddenly, everyone seems smarter than you, more talented, more accomplished, etc, etc, etc. You’ll have a mantra repeatedly ringing through your head. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here. Well. Spoiler alert! You totally do. 

There’s a quote I live by. A quote by one of the greatest minds of our generation (I’m talking about Taylor Swift. Sue me. I’m making a point here.) It goes as follows: “If you are constantly the smartest person in every room, then you’re in the wrong room.” Commit these words to memory. I think we sometimes confuse impostor syndrome with the idea that we’re supposed to already be perfect at everything. But perfection isn’t the goal. College—and life, really—isn’t about walking in and knowing everything from day one. It’s about showing up, learning, failing, and then learning some more. The fact that you don’t know everything, that you sometimes feel like the least experienced person in the room, means you’re being challenged. And that’s how growth happens. 

Enough rambling. I hope I’ve imparted some wisdom to you, dear metaphorical past self. I also hope you return to this advice regularly, dear current self, because it’s so easy to forget. I hope it gets easier, dear future self. I hope you liked this, dear reader, and I hope you learn from this–at whatever stage of life you’re at–and I hope you add onto this from your own experience. And in that case, I hope you’ll share that advice with me as well. 

Sincerely,

A college sophomore who still feels lost in life. 

By Nazly Elbosaty

Published September 13, 2024