Letter Fourteen

To A, 

One of my friends told me you have a new girlfriend now and I felt my heart stop for a second. 

I thought I was over you and I thought it wouldn’t hurt, but it did. I don’t know why after all this time, after I chose to break up with you, I still feel so much softness towards you. Maybe because you didn’t do anything wrong, maybe because I backed away because I was scared, because I felt like the weight of my life was too much to put onto you. And I know you would’ve taken it, would have supported me, would’ve been there beside me–but I didn’t have the strength to open up more, I wasn’t ready to share that much. And instead I let you go. 

I think in the end, it was the right decision–but I am still so sorry I hurt you. When I watched you cry as you left I felt my heart break right in two, and I still don’t think it’s quite mended. So this is me, trying deeply to let you go from my heart, because you deserve all the happiness in the world, even when I know I can’t be the one to give it. I think I did love you and I was too scared to ever admit it, so here’s me telling you and saying goodbye. I’m proud of you, I hope you’re doing well, and I really truly hope you’re happy.

Love, 

Anonymous