Girls Like Things
When I was younger, I was obsessed with Justin Bieber. When it came to birthdays, Christmas, or any other holiday that required my family to buy me a gift, any piece of Justin Bieber memorabilia was their first thought. So, when going back to school, I had to have at least one notebook with Justin Bieber’s face on it.
I remember walking in on my first day of school, so excited to show my friends my new school supplies; I thought the mass-produced notebook I had bought from Target was so special—as if Justin himself had hand-delivered it to me.
While my friends were just as excited as I was, some people—mainly the boys in my class—had begun to tease me for it. While the comments weren’t malicious, they still bothered me.
As years went by, my obsessions grew. I had a One Direction planner all throughout middle school and chose to wear 5 Seconds of Summer shirts on the days our Catholic school had allowed us to dress out of uniform. I was proud of the things I enjoyed and wanted to showcase them to other people.
So why were people constantly making fun of the things that made me happy?
I remember feeling a need to not be too ‘girly’ in elementary school; I never admitted my favorite color was pink because it seemed too feminine. But, as I grew, I began to love the different aspects of femininity, like playing around with makeup or dressing myself up for different school events.
When telling people that I’m an English Writing major, and have dreams of becoming an author, they’ve asked if I’m going to write cheesy romance books, or instantly make a joke about me writing smut for the rest of my life.
As I discovered my body, and what brought my body pleasure, it felt as though it always got pushed to the side. The other person values their own pleasure and desire before mine, and when they’re fulfilled it’s over. My body is just another body to them.
For a while, I’d wondered if the fact that this upset me so much made me a narcissist– I was just being too selfish, and my pleasure shouldn’t mean this much to me. That maybe I was just meant to settle in the state of being averagely satisfied. But that’s not true.
To want to experience pleasure and satisfaction, and to simply enjoy what you’re doing, isn’t rooted in narcissism; it’s a basic human need.
Edited by Wendy Moore and Kate Castello