Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, Public Programme.
Caxton Hall, London, 22nd October 1979.
[ Editor: Transcript will be checked and adjusted. ]

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Those who have come for the first time should sit in front, is better. You see, I can look after you better. All right? Just put your hands like this. [ Palms upwards, hands comfortably open. ]

Today I was thinking of telling you about the ego problem, because I think everybody feels that that’s the biggest problem they all have; and there’s a big ego trip one gets into, and they don’t know what to do with it. So first part I will tell you how the ego rises and what it does to us and the second how to understand it, how to tackle the position of ego and put it in its own aspect. As you see in the map here, the yellow stuff that you see on top is the ego. The balloon that is yellow is the ego. You see down below it starts from the Swadishthana. This is the colour of the bile within us. And this Swadishthana Chakra, which is for our creativity, is directly connected to that ego there. And when it starts rotating round the Void and going to the various parts of the Void, it collects all the problems of the Void. Void is that green circle within us where, physically, we have uterus, we have kidney – it’s a complete viscera – all the intestines, the ascending, transverse, descending colon, liver, is the upper part of liver more. Then also pancreas and the spleen. So, all the problems of these organs are collected by this chakra which moves. It comes out of the Nabhi Chakra and moves round and round and round, and collects all the problems. It nourishes, gives power, the vital power to these organs, and also it generates [the] necessary power for our creative action. It also collects the fat cells of the Void. Converts them into the proper cells for the brain, for its use, for the grey matter.

All this work it has to do, one chakra. It manifests aortic plexus outside. On the physical level we call it as the aortic plexus, and it has got six sub-plexuses which look after all these organs. This [chakra] is meant for our action. When we go into action, this chakra starts working. By the first power, which is on the left-hand side, we desire. But by the second one we go into action, and it’s called as Kriya shakti. Now when this action starts within us, it produces the by-products or we can say all the problems of these organs, which are to be deposited somewhere and they are all deposited in the brain as ego. All the problems that we have out of these – this creativity and the action of all these organs – are to be counterbalanced and as a counterbalance the ego develops.

For example, now I have to come and meet you all here. I had to get out of the house, I had to change, I had to drive, whatever it is. Then I came, I had to put in effort. I had to plan out how I’m going to talk to you - that I don’t do normally but I’m saying, in general, people do it. And I put in the effort to come in. Now how am I to justify this? All this effort. What is the satisfaction that one gets out of doing this effort, this Kriya, this action? We go on doing some action and why should we do it? After all, action means - any activity means exertion, botheration, problems. So best is to sit at home and do nothing of the kind! But we do not do that. We take up challenges, we rush up to it. All this we do with our Kriya Shakti, with our Right [Side] action. Because we do action, we have to have a satisfaction about it. As a reaction to that, ego develops. If we do not have the ego we would not do anything - is a fact. But ego is the one that rationalises all our madness, the rat race we are running into.

If we did not have the ego, we would not go into this nonsense. The more we try to rationalise our activities, the more ego develops to satisfy: “All right, very good, very good. Now you are a successful man! See? You’re a very successful man. You have got this, you have got that.”

Lots of misunderstandings creep in when we pamper our ego like this – or I should say that when we are satisfied with our ego – [such] that we really get lost. We get identified with our ego and not with ourselves.

So if you do some work very well: supposing you have, say, made a beautiful poetry or, say, not piece of poetry but say you have made a very good painting, then you would like people to appreciate. If they do not appreciate you, you think you have done nothing, though you have done a beautiful canvas. But still you will be so dissatisfied with yourself unless and until people appreciate you. They must garland you, they must say, “Oh, you are great, you are really unique! You are a genius!” You know many artists who created great art, got trapped into this kind of misidentification. When they created some great art, the art could not give them satisfaction. They had to go to ego. And Mr. Ego would not be satisfied unless and until everybody says, “Yes, yes, you are very good. You have done this, you are a genius! You are this, you are that.” That’s how the ego develops then within us.

But a situation can arise where, even when we have done nothing, we want to take the credit. Then we call such a person egoistical; who says, “I will do this, I have done this, I, I, I, I” – then we call him an egoistical person. Because he gives words to his ego, that’s why we call him egoistical. But all of us have got this Mr. Ego there, sitting on our heads. Then it starts bloating and the more successful you are, the worse it is. The more you indulge into planning and thinking, the worse it is. The balloon goes on, pumped, as if you are pumping a balloon. The more you pump, the more it becomes. And you can never realise that you are not that ego. Then you start feeling very nice about it because everybody says, “Oh, what a great man he is!” The whole society develops on those lines.

Today only I was discussing about the way people give you 'C.O.B.', I don’t know. 'V.I.P.' and 'M.A.D.' Like that and we carry those banners with us. And we expect everybody to respect those banners which have been given to us because we’ve done some work. Somebody has recognised us, branded it, stamped it, so we believe really this must be something great! So we accept that brand and we want to keep it up. So, it’s a doubly fixed thing that you are really rewarded for what work you are doing.

That’s why people start becoming [a] nuisance also. Supposing in a society some people do not find any significance to their lives. Then they will go to Oxford Street. Stand there, wear funny dresses, start jumping and singing something nonsensical and people make a nuisance out of themselves. [ Referring to 'Hare Krishna' spiritual group people, frequently visible in Oxford Street. ]

We have seen people who paint their hair in different colours, put pencils in the noses [ Laughing. ] and do all kinds of mad things just to attract the attention of others. Because we want to attract the attention of others, because our ego is not yet satisfied. But this ego is never satisfied. It goes on asking for more food, more food and you enjoy it too.

When such an ego is bloated within us, we cannot understand what we are doing. People can befool you like that. It’s very easy to befool a person who is ego-oriented, than to befool a simple person. A simple-hearted man cannot be easily befooled because he’s not on a trip. But those who are on an ego trip, [if] you tell them that, “This is the best way to go to hell,” they will be the first booking their seats. There will be a queue for it! And people would be asking for it, “All right, if it is so, it’s good.” That is how many gurus in this world have come forward, have befooled you, by telling you that you will get these powers, those powers, that will happen, this will happen. And they know how to pamper your ego. For example, they might say, “This is a world organisation of spirituality, and you are the head of the world organisation,” and you believe it.

Ego means misappropriation. You believe in it because you think that, “After all I must be something and I have done this, I have done that.” But actually what happens physically is that, when this balloon spreads on your head all over - the aura of the brain surrounds the heart, normally - but when there is ego problem, then ego surrounds the heart. And when ego surrounds the heart, the brain is cut off from the heart. So you are a non-integrated person, or we can say disintegrated. Your heart runs one side, your brain runs another side, your body runs a third side, your emotions run a fourth side. So four people, running four horses and that’s how you are completely torn. I mean, it’s impossible to stand on two stools but if there are four - with two legs, it’s a big feat to exist.

So this kind of ego trip comes in, by which you start behaving and living in this world in a very unnatural way. And if somebody says that, “No, not your ego, not that. That’s not you. You have to be yourself. Ego is not yourself. Do not be satisfied with this ego,” then you don’t like it. Because you are much higher than ego, much greater than ego, much more than what you think your ego can do. With ego, at the most, what can you do? At the most, what can you do with your ego? What people have achieved through ego? Nothing!

Whatever they have discovered, even in the sciences, has come from the unknown, from God’s own treasures. If God has given you some knowledge of the unknown, you should not feel pampered about it and think that, “Oh, this is what we have found.” No, He graciously gave you this knowledge which has come to you, so just take it with humility. And this ego is very, very dangerous for Kundalini awakening.

Now you look at the diagram, imagine the whole of your head is covered with that yellow stuff and this blue thing becomes a very small one. So first of all the desire to seek, itself, is diminished. You go for seeking as if you are going to a cinema hall.

There is no combination of what you are thinking and your heart. You are not seeking from your heart. You are seeking just with your brains because you have read three, four books. There’s a fashion ( that ) everybody is seeking, everybody is looking as if they are seeking something. So let us also seek. It is not coming from your heart because you can see that the activity of heart has become practically zero. You do not desire anything. It is what your ego desires ( that )  you run after.

Anything that doesn’t satisfy your ego, you get upset about it. One must go on all the time saying that, “You are the fastest horse, you are the greatest person, you are the most unique personality,” then only you are satisfied. It cuts you out so much from your heart. That’s why we cannot find joy, because joy you can only get through your heart. But this Mr. Ego gives you some sort of a satisfaction which is very superficial, temporary, and leads you nowhere.

With this ego-orientation, only, you get so many diseases, as I have told you before: like diabetes, heart attack, we can say also cancer could be one of them, arthritis you might get. You also get with this too much thinking, paralysis, paralysis is because of that, and kidney failures. The worst is liver. Because of over activity [the] liver is neglected. We are least bothered about the liver. If you tell a child, “Don’t eat chocolates” in childhood.” I mean, it’s an impossibility, you cannot talk like that. I just once said that, “Why not stop giving chocolates to children, who cannot digest it,” because their liver is not that; or make something that is digestible to their liver from childhood, till they grow up. And why not dilute the chocolates also a little bit more? So the question comes in then, that, “How can you do it, Mother? It would be chucking out everything, and children would protest without chocolates.” Gradually they’ll forget.

The liver problem starts within you and you become thin, lean, pale, aggressive; all the time grumbling, grudging, sulking; never in joy, never in happiness.

You call it tension, stress, all these things but it’s nothing but over-activity of this chakra. Tension is because the whole of it is covered with this balloon and the balloon is still going on and on and on. That has to reduce. Sahaj Yoga is the only way, really we can face our ego because through Sahaj Yoga only, we can see ourselves. But it is an impossibility with human beings to face themselves. Even after Realisation they find it difficult.

For example, all our misidentifications are there. Say I’m dealing with English disciples here. Before I start saying about the misidentification of the English, I must condemn all the Indians of the world and all the Japanese, Chinese, Greeks, everybody else. And then I should say, “There’s also something wrong with English.” Otherwise I’ve had it! Unless and until, at every stage, I condemn all the rest of the world, I cannot talk of saying that we also have certain misidentifications, which are sitting on our heads, by which we are oppressed. We think that this is the correct way of life, by which we have oppressed others.

And this ego business is so much prevalent in our society. Now, with all due apologies, I am talking about the Western society. When it comes to India, I talk to them but now I’m talking to you and think that I am also a Western person. So, I can see certain things as a Western personality and don’t feel bad about it. For in the so-called certain traditions that we have – today only I was discussing, you see – like at the table we have to sit for dinner. All right, simple thing it is to sit at the table for dinner. Now dinner is there because God has been gracious to us. For our well-being, for our friendship, we are all going to sit down. But go to any formal dinner, or you arrange a formal dinner, people would sit down, ten times discussing where is the seat of X and the seat of Y and the seat of Z! But if there is a slightest mistake in placing the people according to their date of birth, their face colour, their head colour, their height, their noses, their length, their upper lips - Any difference is there found in the 'Who’s Who' book, you see, that somebody was placed little higher in M.A.D. degree – then you’ve had it!

All the good wishes of entertaining people, of doing some good friendship, of having, creating something very, very great is all lost. All the effort is lost and you are left wondering, “Now what have I done? I did consult all the dictionaries and the ‘Who’s Who.’”

I mean, this 'Who’s Who' is another ego-pampering! But despite that, there was a mistake somehow and the person has taken a very big objection that Mr. X, who is one day junior to him, has been made to sit ahead of him. It’s the greatest calamity to his ego. The poor chairs do not know what happens for their different shapes! How much we fight over all such things, pampering our ego.