MONEY MINDSET

Imagine this Scenario

Dad comes home from a long day at work and is complaining about his boss. He feels he is a valuable worker, he is good at what he does, and should be paid more, but he does not know how. He has been told his whole life that he needs to have a job, to take care of his family. However, he has also been told that he needs to be in control of all situations, because that is how he shows he is a man. The best thing he can hope for is a raise, and he feels like he does not have any say in how his job affects his life.

He looks angry when he comes home, and when you go outside, you notice that all his work belongings are in a box in his car. He either got in a fight with his boss and threatened to leave, or he was fired. Either way, you know this cannot be good for your family. You have seen your mother lose her life taking care of the home and children, because your dad won’t allow her to work. He feels that he is the breadwinner and he will not allow her to compete with him, though she has her own skills and education. Though he won’t allow her to work, he always complains about her use of money. To him money is finite and depends on his hard work and dedication, and even when he works hard, he is often not paid what he feels he is owed.

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If that sounds similar to your upbringing, or if you grew up with a negative view of money, this can be affecting how much money you currently make. If you are a sex worker, you have the ability to set your own schedule, and make unlimited amounts of money. The same goes if you own your business, or are a freelancer. There is an abundance of money in this world, and there is a free flow of money, especially if you live in the US. Though you might think something is stopping you from achieving your monetary goals that is beyond your power (and you might be right, with things like slow season, weather, and economic downturns), a lot of what is stopping you may be found within yourself.

Ask yourself… Do I have a poverty mindset?

Most of what you know about handling money and finance comes from your parents. Finance is not something you learn about in school, and the mistakes your parents have made can stay with you for a lifetime. Many of us grew up with a story similar to the one above, which causes two major problems for women who are looking to achieve financial freedom.

1. That you and everyone else you know are poor, will always be poor, and money is difficult to get.

This is the standard poverty mindset that you will need to change if you want to be successful. Most Americans grow up in a home that struggles around money, and either goes into debt to look like they have money, or never has enough money to do what they want. This is even more prevalent in sex workers. If you came from an abusive home, did not have a family, or grew up in the foster system, you might not have any understanding of how you should handle money. In the situation above, it was the Dad who was at least working, while the Mom had time to spend with the children. Many people were not fortunate enough to have even that. Some of us had just our Mom working to provide for her children’s financial and emotional needs (as some of you are doing now). Some of us did not even have that, and grew up with the government as our parents. Regardless, of our upbringings, we have the ability as adults to start to control our relationship with money.

The first step to making this change is picturing yourself with financial freedom. You have to know that you chose your job as a sex worker to not only potentially get out of a bad situation, but to put yourself in a better one. Sex work can bring you success, financial freedom, and economic power. But you have to believe in yourself. You also need to open up your eyes to what can possibly be your life. Look at the high earners in your club and see what they are doing that allows them to make that much more money. Look around you and search the internet for what people who are upper middle class do, and what millionaires do. Learn from your super rich customers, and ask them about what they have done to make that money. You do not have to be part of the cycle of poverty. No matter where you started, you have the ability to do better than you have ever seen anyone around you do.

2) Men are the people in financial power.

There is a reason why I started this article with how Dad was feeling about money. Many of you may have read that and thought, “My childhood was even worse, I didn’t even have a Dad.” Our patriarchal society often makes us feel that men should be at the center of our universe as women, or at the very least, at the center of our financial universe. Women could not even apply for a credit card on their own until 1974. There have always been laws that put women at an economic disadvantage, but even worse is the cultural stigmas that men place on us, and we often place on ourselves.

Sex work itself is often described as a form of work that only exists for the pleasure of men. Women who perform sex work are in part seen as only “using” men for money, or being financially dependent on men, instead of making their own financial decision for their own economic power. However, there is nothing inherently sexual about the female body -- it is up to patrons to sexualize these bodies, and to feel that they are worthy of monetary value. The combination of this sexualization of women, and the transferable sales skills that are necessary to rise in a competitive field, prime you for economic advancement.

Even though it is likely that you grew up in a home that was centered around a male (or lack of) and his financial power, you also have the ability to change that for the next generation. To escape the poverty mindset, you must understand that women can be financially empowered and you have the ability to be financially free based on your work, without only having the ability to be as economically independent as another person. Allowing yourself to be financially free is a form of power, which can lead to your happiness, and the happiness of your children.

If you can realize what has been holding you back, that can be your first step of moving forward into financial freedom.