Front Porch Steps was the first song we've ever written. It introduces our subject as someone struggling with codependency and a poor sense of self. In my first two years of high school, I focused my energy on other people to distract myself from the heavier stuff I was going through mentally. I thought that if I could talk about typical high school stuff, my friends would be able to relate to me better. This was especially because I hadn't found my passions yet, and I didn't believe I had much else to offer (teenage insecurity). Moreover, confronting the experiences that were really causing me so much distress felt lonely and overwhelming. I thought that if I could convince myself that it was all just teenage heartbreak, I'd be less isolated. 

A part of me knew back then that it was never about these people, and I didn't actually care as much as I seemed to. It was displacement and a deep-rooted fear of being vulnerable with my friends regarding the serious stuff. I didn't gain the courage to acknowledge or confront that until the summer before my senior year. Vulnerability is still something I struggle with.

Front Porch Steps centers the person I was perceived as by others. Someone with an inability to let go, and whose entire sense of self is wrapped up in another individual. While I don't identify with this problem to the extent that the song suggests, I know it can be a real issue for many. 

The voice behind the song is supposed to feel young, repetitive, and simple as it speaks on circular feelings of rumination. It also introduces a nicotine addiction that comes up later. The cigarettes portray the passing of time as well as this character's habit of turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

Streetlights, it was late, and he said my name wrong,

Rough pavement, laughed, “I get that a lot,”

I misread the fantasy to say I’m worth shared morning sun,

But his fantasies exist half past ten, by twelve, they’re done,

Delirium in another font,

I pretend it’s what I want,

Him pulling my hair,

My body stripped bare, 

Eyes not on him but on the stars,

Focused on sounds of speeding cars,

Held by hands that I don’t trust,

Suffocating in his lust,

The shadows of the strangers in the street judge me,

As I walk down paths alone, regretting what I just let be,

Far away, he boards another train,

Thinking of what we’ll do to me if I self-destruct again,

Delirium, I can’t outrun,

I pretend that I’m not numb, 

His hands on my skin,

I’m folding within,

Eyes not on him but on the door,

Wondering if I’ll be here once more,

Taste my innocence burn to dust,

Suffocating in his lust,

Fiction has claimed my strong sense of control,

I swear it's not my fault, but you reap what you sow,

As I count cracks on my ceiling every goddamn night, 

The sun slips through the blinds, and fuck, it’s way too bright,

To show the grey scale that I coloured myself with, 

My pride in this dumb deed was a convincing myth,

Delirium behind my stare,

I pretend that this is rare,

His tongue in my mouth,

I'm drowning in doubt,

Eyes not on him, but filled with tears,

Bruises to my neck as they appear,

The statue can’t breathe, she’s gone to rust, 

She can’t breathe, but god she must.

Sixteen is the most raw song on the EP. Within the storyline, it shows our character turning from unhealthy limerence and longing (Front Porch Steps) to depending on an older stranger for validation. She begins convinced that this person has her best interests at heart, proud of the fact that she went as far with them as she did. Following physical intimacy, she has a moment of clarity. This person does not actually care for her well-being, and she does not actually feel as empowered as she convinced herself and others that she did. This person only wanted her body and took advantage of her youth and trust. The lyrics describe a fear that she'll continue to see this person as a form of self-destruction during her hardest moments, knowing that they'll enable it. 

Unhealthy relationship dynamics involving physical intimacy are very prominent in high school culture, and I believe that the psychological damage they cause is often overlooked. I wrote two research papers about how popular culture enforces myths about consent, entitlement, and healthy relationship dynamics, and this song focuses on the repercussions. 

The direct story of Sixteen is very loosely based on a harmful relationship that I was in during the year I was in the eleventh grade, as well as the experiences of those close to me. The song provides fictional contexts and imagery that align with the EP's bigger picture. 

If you've been in my life for a while, you'd know that the first draft of Sixteen was originally released as a track titled virgin. It was Julia's first try at production, and was one of my first attempts at songwriting. We decided to put it out last year as a way to break down our fear of releasing things that are unpolished, knowing that we'd revisit it later. Now it exists as Sixteen, and despite the uncomfortable subject matter, I have always stood by the fact that these things need to be discussed. 

Hugged you at the crosswalk, said goodbye,

Guess I thought that it would mean that you were satisfied, 

Walked away, I left you standing there, 

Watching with a sorrowful look stuck within your stare, 

Saying,

"Breathe the air into my lungs, 

I’m choking on the dust,

Let me make it up to you, 

I’ll put forth what I must,"

Alone at last, I said I had to leave,  

Heard my name cried through the wind, no, you were not discreet,

You followed me down starlit streets, straight down to my door,

I feel your pain, I truly do, for I’ve been here before,

I said,

"Breathe the air into my lungs, 

I’m choking on the dust, 

You left me to discard,

Now I’m permanently scarred,

See my side, I’ve had it rough, 

I know I’ve made mistakes, 

Hurt myself and you in turn, 

But please just give me grace."

giving grace follows a time skip in our story arc and speaks on the most recent relationship that our character has been in — I titled it all lowercase to declare the gap. She has since acquired a sense of self-respect and has developed a healthy attachment style; however, her partner has not. She states that she does not blame her partner, but still needs to leave the relationship because it is not working for her. This song focuses on empathy and understanding as she reminisces, telling the person she's leaving about a time when she felt abandoned. 

This song is also informed by the media's often unrealistic portrayal of relationships. In the verses, our character describes the breakup. She says that after ending the relationship and leaving, her partner followed her down the street, persistently trying to get her to stay. This trope often appears in fiction and is viewed as romantic. In reality, it is inappropriate to follow someone home after they tell you that they do not want to be with you anymore, even if you have no malicious intent. These details further explain why she is initiating the breakup. 

This song is also about codependency, but offers the other perspective, the other side. This is why, even though chronologically, it comes after Slip, I kept it third on the tracklist, next to Front Porch Steps and Sixteen. Moreover, giving grace introduces us to our character's newfound growth in the context of processing someone else's feelings. 

Poor lost child, you couldn't move,

The fog of it was strangling you,

You never know how bad it's got,

'Til the sun climbs out from behind the clouds,

Poor lost child, your thoughts on pause,

Tobacco helps, but not enough,

And patience isn't easy,

They won't wait; they will flee, 

Letting the days go to waste,

Blurring by in drops of rain, 

Please don't think I can be saved,

Not your job to be obtained,

Just trust me when I say,

Poor lost child, you bit your tongue,

'Fessing up to what went wrong,

Paid the repercussions,

Lies fell through,

Unhealed wounds,

Scarred not skin but something,

Words were said,

Tears they fall, 

Down down down down down down down, 

The spiral that began it all,

Letting the days go to waste,

Blurring by in drops of rain, 

Please don't think I can be saved,

Not your job to be obtained,

Just trust me when I say,

Can't see it 'til it's done,

Can't feel it when we're numb,

A slip is not a slide,

Just trust me I'll be fine, 

Can't see it 'til it's done,

Can't feel it when we're numb,

A slip is not a slide,

Just trust me I'll be fine.

Slip emphasizes our character's newfound growth in the context of processing one's own feelings. This song got me through a very difficult period of time, and for that, it will always mean a lot to me. Chronologically, it provides more context to the experience that our character shares in giving grace, when she says, "I've been here before." Through the lyric, "hurt myself and you in turn," she shows that she understands that her battle with poor mental health is painful for the people around her. 

Slip goes deeper; it talks about relationships soured by an inability to communicate and how navigating mental health hardships with loved ones is beyond difficult. It centers on the importance of trust and patience, but acknowledges how both are very difficult to uphold for someone who is worried about their loved one's well-being. 

This track also shines a light on the hard conversations that take place when this is happening. Fear can manifest in a myriad of ways that prove harmful to everyone involved. Influenced assumptions are made, but Slip explains that these assumptions do not need to become reality. While mental health is not linear and relapse is common, it doesn't have to end there. 

The character growth at this point of the EP is apparent in the lyric, "tobacco helps but not enough." This line is a contrast to the smoking addiction prevalent in Front Porch Steps. It shows that the character has learned that unhealthy coping mechanisms do not work. The problem needs to be tackled at the root. 

This song is loosely based on a few people that I have lost. It was most directly inspired by a month in which I was struggling with reopened traumas from my childhood. It took me a moment to recognize why I was struggling so badly, and when I did, I didn't feel comfortable explaining it to someone close to me, as it was very personal. The dynamic between us got messy, and we fell out. Slip speaks to those who have lost someone during an episode of depression, and those who need a reminder that relapse doesn't determine the future. 

I tried to see the stars, but they’d been lost in the fog,

You said, too many sips twisted your tongue, you cannot recall,

Never fathomed saying that I’m glad you drank too much, 

If you were sober enough,

Wouldn’t have said all that stuff,

I tried to see the stars, but I’m not breathing easy,

Didn’t think your hands would ever make me feel this queasy,

Never fathomed saying that I’m glad I drank too much, 

If I was sober enough,

Now I’d be starting to rust

Your memory will blur my face,

A hurried haze, 

A mosaic,

Life blurs by, and yours I’ll miss,

Your smile like this just makes me sick,

Your memory will blur my face,

A hurried haze, 

A mosaic,

My bedrooms stained, the first of May,

The thought of you just makes me sick,

Just makes me sick,

I tried to see the stars, but I couldn’t see straight,

Liquor, smoke, silhouettes, I tried to forget it,

Never fathomed saying that I’m glad I drank too much, 

If I was sober enough,

Now I’d be starting to rust,

Your memory will blur my face,

A hurried haze, 

A mosaic,

Life blurs by, and yours I’ll miss,

Your smile like this just makes me sick,

Your memory will blur my face,

A hurried haze, 

A mosaic,

My bedrooms stained, the first of May,

The thought of you just makes me sick

Just makes me sick.

While my favourite song on the EP shifts with my mood, Mosaic always remains in my top two. This track wraps up the project by using recurring language, concepts, and visuals that tie back to every other song. Mosaic embodies the healthy process of letting go, and in that respect, it's a direct contrast to Front Porch Steps. Moreover, the lyric, "if I were sober enough, now I'd be starting to rust," is a callback to Sixteen, where it says, "the statue can't breathe, she's gone to rust." This connection explains that if she were sober enough to make bad decisions on a night of drinking, she would have reopened wounds from a time in which she had little self-respect. This is further emphasised by the repeated imagery of stargazing between the two songs. 

While a lesser tie, Mosaic mirrors giving grace, as another message directed at someone she is putting up boundaries with. Lastly, Mosaic relates to Slip by bringing back the imagery of fog. In Slip, the lyrics say, "the fog of it was strangling you," as a way to describe overwhelm and mental distress. Mosaic uses fog in the first verse to describe both overwhelm and clouded judgment. The lyrics, "life blurs by," and "your memory will blur my face," are also an intentional callback to Slip's chorus; "letting the days go to waste, blurring by in drops of rain."

While Mosaic can be seen as a message to every individual that our character chronologically speaks to throughout the story, it's also a direct extension of Slip. Following conflict resulting from bad communication, an inebriated interaction further complicated things and causes them to cut ties. 

The bones of Mosaic's story do derive from a true experience; however, it is very heavily dramatized and contains loads of fictionalized feelings and imagery in order to better connect to the other tracks on the EP, and to allow it to be more riveting.