One afternoon, Akeidat stood by the doorframe, staring at the kitchen, as though they could magically produce food by the power of thinking about it hard enough. The nervous twitching of their paws and tail betrayed the almost blank expression on their face.
"What's wrong?" They yelped slightly, then relaxed at the sound of the familiar voice.
"I simply... hmm," Akeidat mumbled, frowning. How could they phrase this so as to not embarrass themself? They blushed at the thought. They were a big kid, now. Kids their age were supposed to know how to prepare basic food, right?
Nobody else had a problem making simple spaghetti for their yearly class camping trip; But Akeidat remembered the silly, stupid fear of being so close to fire, and not knowing when was the right time to turn it off, or how much water to add because they'd fallen asleep during the teachers' speech and they weren't handed written instructions, and what were the correct utensils to use, and someone else always had to come help them, and-
"I do not know how to cook," They spit out, quickly. Heat rose in their cheeks.
This was it. Darius was going to scoff and voice his disappointment in their current generation, or he was going to laugh and not actually help, or perhaps they'd be scolded, or-
"Yeah, and?" He apparently said instead. What?
They stared at him in disbelief. They couldn't quite grasp if he was being completely genuine in asking them to continue, or if he was being his usual, chattery, nonsensical self.
They must've been staring for too long, because he suddenly stuttered, "I- Um, I mean- obviously, right? You're a little kid. I wouldn't expect a kid to be some-" he snapped his fingers in thought, "some sort of, ah, master chef, right?"
"I'm in Primary Five."
"Yeah? You're a kid. 'Course you don't know how to cook," he shrugged, "I mean, I- uh, lots of people never learn how to cook 'till they're in college. Some folks never learn, and just go to restaurants or whatever."
There was no way, right? That sounded fake.
"All my classmates know how to make spaghetti," They raised a brow, sceptically.
"Really?" Why did he sound so surprised? "Huh."
They fidgeted with the hem of their shirt, fingers squeezing and unsqueezing. Did they really want to do this?
But they were hungry, and Fiera had left for work. Technically, they supposed they could survive off the dry snacks in the cupboards, and whatever was in the fridge, but something about that idea made them feel like a slug was leaving a trail of slime down their throat. They liked snacks, but they knew they'd get sick if they ate only them.
They didn't want to make Fiera worry about them more. They didn't have time for that. What kind of friend would they be?
"What do you want to eat?" their guardian angel asked, gently, encouraging. Akeidat contemplated it for a moment.
"Is... is rice easy to make?" They asked. Darius' eyes lit up, and he nodded; his smile complete with the whole closing-his-eyes-happily thing they'd only seen cartoon characters do and had never seen on an actual person. Or maybe people did, and they just hadn't been paying attention to peoples' faces.
Well, they were paying attention now. He flew ahead of them, wings fluttering with a buzz of golden light, as he inspected the kitchen.
"You guys' pantry is big," He observed.
"What's a pantry?"
"Uhhh, shelf, basically," The angel answered, still sifting through the- pantry, they supposed, "It's what you call a cupboard for the kitchen. Also for the bathroom, I guess-" he came to a stop by a low cabinet next to the fridge.
"Found it!" He grinned, hovering aside to let Akeidat kneel down to see. Tucked neatly under a rack of plates, was a humble looking barrel of polished wood, with a handled lid at the top.
"Wait," Darius warned, before they could reach in their paws to open it. He put his paws on his hips as they looked at him, "What should you do before touching food?"
"A-ah," Akeidat blushed. They quickly U-turned towards the sink, washing their paws with soap; and being sure to get the little gaps between their fingers. One could never be too thorough. They flicked their paws quickly, drying the rest by wiping it on their shirt. Darius grimaced at the sight, somewhat jokingly, somewhat disdainfully.
"It's just water," defended Akeidat.
"But it's a wet shirt," He whined, "Doesn't it feel weird on your fur?"
"It's my shirt, technically," They pointed out, "and it will evaporate! It's called the 'water cycle'."
"Mmmnrghh."
"Anyway," Akeidat turned their attention back towards the wooden barrel. They knelt down in front of it, briefly glancing at Darius, who nodded approvingly.
They reached out their now-dry paws to touch the barrel, pulling it out of the pantry with a surprising amount of effort. With a great grunt, they heaved it up from the floor and onto the kitchen counter.
Their paw hovered above the lid, before they once again saw Darius' approving nod, and they twisted the knob.
They didn't really know what they were expecting, really. It was a rice barrel. They'd seen rice barrels before. So, quite, obviously, it was full of rice inside; though it seemed stiff, cold, and dry. Buried halfway within the rice, was a small measuring cup. Taken in their paws, the little thing felt almost sacred.
"Err... pray tell, but how much do I scoop?" Akeidat asked.
"As many as you feel like you can eat," Darius replied. He then added, more scientifically, "Well, you need to get a bowl, first."
Akeidat nodded, sifting through the pantry once more to find a bowl that was of a quaint, humble size. Not too big, and not too small. Like that story about goldilocks and the three bears, their mind supplied. Just right.
In any case, they now had a bowl. Their bowl. And they knew it was solely theirs, and not Fiera's, because this one had a mural of a pirate ship battling a kraken at sea printed on its all-encompassing side. It was a funny thought; they'd never really owned their own bowl, before. Under their parents' home, sure, they'd eat out of the bowls they were given, but if it were to sustain any damage, they'd surely be scolded and punished for their clumsiness. Here, though, they could toss this bowl out the window and let it shatter on the street, and no parent would come to yell at their face. They'd simply not have a bowl anymore, and have to find a new one.
But it was their bowl, and they didn't want to destroy it. But they could.
The rice gathered and fell like sand in the cup. After about three scoops, the bowl was more or less full.
"Now what?"
"Now put it in here- it's a rice cooker," He gestured towards something that looked like a tall pot with a glass lid, with a fancy panel on its side. Akeidat did as instructed, carefully lifting the glass lid and placing it on the counter, as though they were a surgeon operating on a patient.
With nervous anticipation, they dumped the contents of the bowl inside.
"Is that it?" Akeidat wondered aloud.
"Not yet," replied Darius, "You've gotta rinse the rice under water."
"Water?" They squinted incredulously, ears raised as though they weren't sure they'd heard it correctly, "But it's electric, is it not? Won't that cause an explosion of some sort?"
"The inside is waterproof," Darius explained, a chuckle teetering at the edge of his voice, "Just take out the container-thing and stick it under the tap, it's fine."
"Err... alright," They did as they were told, awkwardly rotating the container at an angle, desperately trying not to let the grains fall into the sink. With one paw wielding the container, and the other paw on the knob of the sink, they turned the knob and watched as water gradually filled it up, until Darius quickly interjected:
"Don't just let it build up; you need to keep pouring out the water," he instructed, "You can use your paw to make sure the grains don't spill, too."
Something crawled up Akeidat's spine as they only imagined the thought of feeling the grains of rice individually float along their palm, and they shuddered and shook their head. Instead, they just opted for carefully tipping the container every so often to let the water out.
After a few more seconds, Darius gave another hum of approval, landing to sit on the tap. They turned off the sink.
"Look inside; the water's clear now, and at first it looked cloudy, right?" the angel explained, continuing when Akeidat nodded, "You rinse the rice to clean it, and make it taste better, later."
"Huh. That's quite cool," remarked Akeidat, genuinely, as they peered into the container. It was like science class, in a way, except they didn't feel the urge to make sure their project was absolutely perfect. Their ear twitched excitedly, waiting for Darius' next instruction.
"That was the hardest part, and it's over. Good work, kid!" He clapped, "Now, you just pour out the rest of the rinsing-water, and put in three cups of more water."
"Why three cups?" They wondered aloud.
"You put in three cups of rice, so you put in three cups of water," explained Darius. They hummed, and followed his instructions. Darius then flew from his seat on the tap, to now sit atop the empty rice cooker, and they carefully lowered the container inside.
"Put on the lid, and tap this button," he pointed at the panel with his leg, "And you're done! You just need to wait for a bit, there's supposed to be a little alarm that goes off, and you'll have rice to eat."
"That was... actually quite easy," Akeidat observed. They watched as steam rose within the cooker and condensation took place upon the glass lid. After a second or so, they retreated back towards the dining room, flopping onto a chair with a relieved sigh, "How do you remember all those steps?"
Darius' look softened.
"It's just practice," he replied, now sitting crosslegged in the air, "You do the same thing enough times, and it's like your body memorises it, so you don't have to. Like everything else you've done here so far. It's okay that you don't know everything yet, you'll just learn over time."
"I thought people just sort of... automatically knew," Akeidat mumbled, "Everyone else was so good at things that I was not, and I was good at things everyone else was not. I thought that was just how things were."
"Well, you still made an effort, right?" The angel encouraged, "You did a good job, Akeidat. You're smarter than you think."
"It's just rice." they didn't know why they were crying.
"And you did it correctly," came Darius' voice, cutting through the whimpering they were trying desperately to keep quiet, "Even if- even if you did it wrong- which you didn't, that's okay, too. You're not bad for it."
And there went the dams. They were crying louder, now, and they still couldn't quite understand why. They were thankful that they and Darius were the only ones in the house.
They felt a soft weight on their back and shoulders, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that their angel had currently abandoned being the size of a pixie in favour of now being more person-sized. They flinched away from the hug at first, then willed themself to relax, leaning into it.
Eventually, their crying died down to mere sobs, and their sobs died down to mere hiccups.
After a moment, they heard a ting.
A visit to the bathroom later, Akeidat carried the bowl of rice carefully in their paws, like it was a sacred object.
They weren't going to remember how to do this; Akeidat knew that for certain. They could never hold auditory information for long; in fact, it was already falling through their grasp like sand. Darius' one-to-one, step-by-step instructions were certainly better than their teachers briefing the whole class in one go, but they needed something to read.
"Could you repeat the recipe you just told me?" They requested, pulling up what they recognised as the note-taking app in their phone, "I wanna write it down, so I can remember later."
"'Course!" Darius beamed, with zero hesitation.
They eventually brought the bowl with them to the living room, sitting by the wall. They didn't like eating when on a bean bag; too unstable. The wall felt better on their back, and they liked how cold the floor was. Then another thought struck them, and they turned to Darius, "...How do I wash the dishes?"
"Ehh..." Darius drawled, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. One thing at a time, yeah?"
"Okay," replied Akeidat. And so, they lifted a spoon to their mouth...
...And felt a wave of nausea. Just as the grains touched their tongue, they immediately felt the urge to spit it back out. They clutched their head, feeling dizzy, and hissing at how scrambled- not scrambled, like scrambled eggs, don't think about food- bad everything felt.
"Hey, you okay?" came Darius' voice. Akeidat stuck their tongue out in distaste. They couldn't understand what was going wrong- they liked rice. It was a nice, consistent food. It was never supposed to taste yucky.
They hit a fist against the floor in frustration, then winced when it actually hurt, licking at the fur in an attempt to ease the pain.
"It feels too-" too what? Because it didn't taste icky, like any other time they found they disliked a certain food. It wasn't slimy, or wet, or smelly, "too- too much. It's too much food."
Darius hovered by their shoulder, "Too much food? Are you not hungry?"
"I don't know!" they flinched at the sound of their own voice, louder than they'd meant it, "Ugh! It's like- I was hungry before, but now there's food in front of me, and I'm not hungry anymore!"
They hated this. They hated not knowing what was going on. They were the smart, bookworm kid, they were supposed to know everything! What kind of person felt like this? They were a freak. A good-for-nothing weirdo that was never gonna be normal, and-
"Woah-woah- hey, it's okay," Darius said, when Akeidat growled. He placed a warm paw on their shoulder, "It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe."
"Breathe in, one, two, three, four, then slowly breathe out," Darius recited. Akeidat did their best to follow his instructions, "Two, two, three, four. Three, two, three, four."
"You okay?" he asked, once they were calm. Akeidat felt humiliated.
They looked at the bowl of rice, morosely, "I wasted your time."
"Huh?" he paused, then, "Oh! No, forget it. It's fine. I've got all the time in the world."
"Literally," The angel chuckled, with a wink and some finger guns. They heard themself snicker, quietly. But their smile didn't last long.
"'Too much', 'too much'," Darius muttered, quietly, then, "Akeidat, do you recall this ever happening before?"
They hesitated. Then they shook their head. Everything was quiet. Darius' pacing hoofsteps across the wood was a comfort.
"What's wrong with me?" they whispered.
Darius was quick to wave his paws, "No! No, no, no, nonononono, no! That's not-"
Suddenly his voice was the bane of their existence all over again, "Could you please cease talking to me like I'm a baby!? Just tell me what's going on!"
Then he stopped. His tail was swinging side-to-side, like a pendulum.
"Alright," Darius nodded, quietly. Then he questioned, "What else have you been eating, these past few days?"
"Uhhh...." How were they supposed to remember that? "That bagel I received from the 3D printer, cereal for breakfast, Fiera orders a bunch of different food-"
"And you ate all of it?" he asked. Akeidat's tail swished across the floor in thought, creating a gentle shhh, shhh, shhh sound.
"I....." they drawled. The memory of them throwing a half-eaten bagel after their talk with Darius in the shopping area came to mind, "I couldn't really finish any of them, but I still ate."
Darius sucked in his breath between his teeth. Was that bad? Did they do something wrong? They were just doing what their body felt like. They didn't feel like eating anymore, so they didn't eat. Was that not normal?
"Try to eat what you can," Darius finally said, gesturing towards the bowl of rice, "If you can't finish it, that's okay. Just eat something."
"Erm..." they picked up the spoon again, "...Okay."
Did he know what was happening? What wasn't he telling them?
"This isn't because of you, I think," he explained, as they slowly bit into small scoops of rice, "This is... I think this is because of the- eh-heh, the other you."
The Future Akeidat?! They wanted to exclaim, but couldn't do so because they were eating.
"Just..." he pressed a paw over his mouth, "I need you to know: it's better to eat something than nothing when you're really hungry, okay?"
Akeidat... had absolutely no idea what the, pardon their language, H-word he was talking about. They didn't get it, wasn't that just common sense?
"No, duh?" they said, bluntly. Then Darius was laughing, and then he ruffled their head-fur, which only confused them even more. As they reached upwards to swat him out of the way, more strands of fur dropped onto the floor, like they had in the shower, though thankfully not on the rice.
Darius stilled when he saw the fur, "How long has it been falling, like that?"
"...Since I've been showering? And when I move too quick?" they answered, "Isn't that just what happens when you're old? Balding, or whatever?"
"Not to this extent," Darius shook his head, "Also, your body is thirty. That's not that old."
Alarm shot through them, "Do I have cancer, or something?! Am I going to die?!"
"You do not have cancer," he assured, "...I think. I dunno, I'm not a doctor," he chuckled unhelpfully, and they made a deadpan face, "Anyway, just- I think eating a little more should fix it. Fur gets all fragile, and falls more easily, when your body's not getting enough food."
Was that what all this was?
"Okay, but why, though?" they squinted, incredulously, "Why would any version of me do that? Are they stupid?"
He shrugged.
"Not stupid, but- I dunno," he said, "It's- hah, not exactly like we can ask them."
Akeidat huffed. Very helpful, they thought sarcastically, "Spill it."
Darius sighed, fiddling with his fingers, then he finally suggested, "Well- well, sometimes, people get too depressed to eat. Could be because of any number of reasons. It's not good for them, but they deserve kindness, not judgement."
"Is that what's wrong with the other me, then?" they asked, "Were they too-" that word Darius just uttered hung in the air. It felt maybe taboo for them to actually say it, "-sad, to eat?"
"Maybe," he shrugged.
Then he perked up dramatically, something that unsettled Akeidat in a way they couldn't describe, "Buuuuuut, whatever it is, that's their problem, not yours!" they were literally kind-of-but-not-really the same person, but sure. He flew above their head, landing on their head with a poof. They were not in the mood, "All it means right now, is that your body's not used to eating as much as you do now."
They stared at him, unimpressed. The angel kept smiling.
"I think I'm full," they suddenly said, changing the subject. Then they plucked him off their head, carrying him by the scruff like some kind of gangly kitten. They jabbed a finger at him, "Teach me how to wash."