Look Around

How do I surround myself with Christian Community?

Christian community is an essential part of the Christian life. We need community around us for care, support, and so many more things. It is inevitable that at some point in our lives, we will face a significant struggle or two. Christian community is there for us when we need them. So it is important that we pay attention to who we are surrounding ourselves with.

Do your friends breathe life or are they toxic?

When we think of the people that surround us and our students, are they people who breathe life into us, or are they toxic? When we think of people who breathe life into us or our students, what patterns do we notice? First, they are people who love us unconditionally. They are people who support us after we have wronged them or others. Next, people who breathe life into us are generally selfless people. They are willing to help meet your needs because they are free to give of themselves in a variety of ways. Generally, we should notice that these people leave us feeling refreshed spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

When we think of people who are toxic to us or our students, what patterns do we notice? First, they are quick to use us or other people to elevate themselves. Generally, people who are toxic are selfish people. They are looking for ways to use people around them in order to advance themselves. Not to say friends shouldn't help each other advance in life, but maybe ask, "Would this person still be around me if I wasn't helping them... (insert way you are helping them)?" Also, perhaps ask, "When I am around this person, do I feel stressed or anxious?" If a person is regularly leaving you feeling drained spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or even physically, we should ask if we should be around them.

Patterns vs. One Time

After we ask ourselves whether the people around us or our students breathe life into us or are toxic to us, we must decipher whether it is a one time thing or a pattern of behavior. A pattern of behavior is when a person is consistently acting a certain way around you for better or for worse. A One Time behavior is when a person acts a certain way around you but it does not fit the way they are normally. The reason I make this point is that we shouldn't cast people aside in our lives if they act in a toxic way to you once. When people are in times of extreme stress (death of a family member, addiction, a spiritual crisis, etc.) they are much more likely to act in a toxic way towards you. As a friend to this person, you should be there to care for them as their friend. Same goes for your students. They should learn to support this person in times of stress as it will prepare them for other relationships in their lives.

However, when a person is consistently toxic to us, we should consider whether we should be around them. When this happens, a tough action must take place. We must gracefully step away from these people who are toxic to us. How we step away from these people will depend on our context. I suggest finding a trusted friend or pastor to assist in this time.

Once we have found Community

When we have found Christian community that surrounds us. They will be able to support us in our deepest struggles. The Christian life is not easy and having people around us certainly helps. Whether it is simply providing a meal or caring for our souls, Christian community is there to meet our every need. This reflects Christ and the way he met our ultimate need at the cross. He took care of each of our sins at the cross and now we stand forgiven. Christ took care of all our needs at the cross and our community should reflect this.