"The Gospel According To WEEN"

Every dormitory has two guys at the end of the hall who never leave their smoke-filled room, their beer bong, their video game, or their electric guitars.

Ween is them the best and only band on a strange and twisted floor.

Ween is Dean and Gene, childhood friends and four-track wizards from New Hope, the Woodstock of Pennsylvania and last home of Abbie Hoffman. Like Abbie, they're ministers of irreverence-simultaneously winning converts and fucking up the program.

Their Elektra debut, Pure Guava, is, for lack of a better word, weird. It's a nineteen song ride on the "Poop Ship Destroyer," blasting through sand, daisies, weasels, and birdbaths, all in search of Ween's demon-god, Boognish. This is headphone music. Entering Ween's world is like strapping on a gas mask full of Scotchguard and bad weed.

You cringe as these two ether-addled youngsters exhume corpse after rotting corpse of 70's rock legends, only to dust them off, dress them up in powder blue tuxedos, and put dadaesque drivel into their mouths. The result is nothing less than pure genius. Only Ween could take a frank lyric about incestuous child molestation and turn it into an arena rock anthem ("Don't Get 2 Close 2 My Fantasy").

In concert, they morph into glam rocking, Spinal Tapping regular dudes. The randy ghost of Robert Plant inhabits vocalist Dean, who prances around the stage waving imaginary scarves. Multi-instrumentalist Gene rocks out on wah-wah while seemingly trying to get a bad taste out of his mouth. Songs are announced as "another party classic, by Ween" repeatedly. And though they joke about all their "number one hits," I've got fifty bucks saying they could write a single Michael Bolton would suck corn for.

I interviewed them over gyros and green beans, the day after their first video shoot. Hot food is extremely important to Ween. Though admittedly exhausted, Gene, the Bud Bundy look-alike, and Dean, the freaky heartthrob, gleefully exploited another chance to "talk about our songs with industry people." I suggested that they release a series of albums with titles lifted from Al Green records: Ween is Love, Ween Explores Your Mind, Ween: Love is the Answer, etc.

With two indie classics, God Ween Satan: The Oneness and The Pod behind them, Ween and their rabid groupies (Weenies?) are waiting to eat your brain. I'm not kidding. I've seen blood on their teeth.

MONDO 2000: Has moving to a major label come with any major pressures? Anybody pushing you to wear flannel shirts and move to Seattle?

DEAN: That's not the way to make a million dollars. But that's all we're interested in, making a million dollars.

GENE: Yeah. We figure we can make a million dollars and just stay at home. Multi-millions.

M2: Every song on Pure Guava has a different vocal sound. On one track, it's helium boy, the next is like Barry White. How do you come up with these voices?

DEAN: It's whatever's appropriate as we're going along. If the song's slow, low and sleazy, then the vocals are slow, low and sleazy. Sometimes we'll just do everything and then try it out at different speeds when we're done recording. We don't have any game plan.

ON NOT HAVING DICK

M2: But you're using some kind of studio technology, you're not just sucking down helium.

GENE: On our last records, there's no technology at all. We just make the best of what we have at home. As a matter of fact, we don't have anything, really. We have a bunch of cheap, shitty old effects and a drum machine, guitars, bass, and mikes. We don't have dick.

M2: You always use a four track and yet you get so much atmosphere. Why do you work with a four track?

GENE: That's all we can afford, really. Or that's all we could afford.

DEAN: Four tracking is great, once you get into it. We used to not even do four tracks. For the first four years, we had two tape decks and we'd just do countless overdubs. We had a little Radio Shack mixing board, and as we were throwing the drums to the other tape, we'd play the bass over it. So it'd be like eighty-five tape generations before the song was done. I mean, we've only had the four track for three or four years. They're a great thing, man. If you work with it for years, you understand the basic concepts of punching yourself in and out, throwing tracks in here and there. It's the same principle as studio recording, it's just on four tracks. It's more portable and it's cheap. Everyone should have one. I'll always have one no matter what. Even if we have a forty-eight track digital studio, I'm gonna keep my four track plugged into my stereo at all times. It's one of the greatest inventions ever. It's up there with the answering machine.

SIMON SAMPLE

M2: All right, level with me. Is that a Simon solo at the end of "Reggaejunkiejew?"

GENE: That does sound like a Simon. [laughs]

DEAN: [laughs] It should be.

GENE: No, it's not a Simon, it's a bullhorn.

DEAN: It could be a Simon, but it's not. We shouldn't tell you. We do have the utmost respect for the Simon game, though. I do have one laying around somewhere.

GENE: Didn't think to pull it out for the record, though. Should have.

DEAN: There was a time when I was pretty good at it. Last time I played the Simon, I could only get, like, red, yellow, green and then I lose. [laughs]

CALLING DR. LOVE

M2: How about other adolescent influences? What music were you listening to when you were thirteen?

GENE: Thirteen?

DEAN: That's when I started to really, really get into music. Listened to everything, actually, when I was thirteen. I mean, the most embarrassing shit in the world that I wouldn't even say now.

M2: Kiss?

DEAN: No, I have no problem saying I listened to Kiss. Just anything and everything, just freaking out on music at that time. Soaking it all up.

YES, RUSH, WEEN: THE CONTINUUM

M2: I thought there might be a Geddy Lee influence on "The Stallion Pt. 3."

GENE: I don't know who that is.

DEAN: Rush! [laughs] No, we're not down with Rush.

M2: That's a shame.

DEAN: [laughs] We're into the concept of Rush, though.

M2: What concept?

DEAN: Just the idea of a band that's so progressive. We hate their music - I would never even buy or listen to any thing like that - except I like the idea of having, like, eight hundred and fifty seven chords in one song that never repeats itself, with no melody. The most overindulgent, masturbatory...

GENE: Right! [laughs]

DEAN: I think that's funny. We're into the concept of, like, Yes and Rush and Rick Wakeman. We have the utmost respect for bands like that.

ON OUTGROWING ZAPPA

M2: How about Zappa?

DEAN: We're not really down with Zappa.

GENE: I used to be down with the Mothers of Invention when I was seven years old. He made one record and that was it. All his solo shit is really down shit, really lame.

M2: How about new bands?

GENE: Bushwick Bill [of the Geto Boys].

DEAN: Not too much. We still listen to tons of music everyday, but there's no new breaking band that won't come off the turntable.

THAT SHITTY GUITAR RIFF

M2: What's up with a song like "Sarah?" How do you go from something out there like "Reggaejunkiejew" to such a mellow love song?

DEAN: We really don't have a plan. We might make a record of nice, quiet, love songs, but we wouldn't set out to do it that way. We could record something really harsh tomorrow [laughs] if that's what it feels like.

GENE: We'll be recording one month and everything will have a certain kind of feel to it.

DEAN: We might write a whole album of songs like "Sarah" and then we might make a punk record.

GENE: It's all based on life.

DEAN: Yeah. It depends on what happens that day or...

GENE: Who you're going out with or where you're working.

DEAN: It all depends on the shitty guitar riff you wrote that morning, you know? You might write a guitar riff that goes, like, two hundred miles an hour, or it might be three in the morning and you're playing this crappy, sappy thing.

TWO AMERICAN KIDS DOING THE BEST THEY CAN

M2: What about all the atmospheres on your records? How do you translate the strange soundscapes of your CDs to your live shows?

GENE: It's just straight up rock 'n' roll. It's a lot different than the records. It's just guitar and voice - we don't have any effects. It's funny. After people see us, it gives them an entirely new perspective on us. They think they understand where we're coming from 'cause they have our three albums, and then it just all falls into place. What really comes across is we're not a rock band, as much as we're just, like, two dudes trying the best we can, man. [laughs]

DEAN: [laughs]

NO RESPECT

M2: When I talk to a Ween fan, they're as devout as Deadheads, except they have no political agenda. Do you have any thoughts on that?

GENE: That's the best, man. That rules. I love that. We have no respect for our true fans, though. [laughs] DEAN: Anyone who is truly into us in a fanatical way... I think it's awesome, but we'll never be friends with them because they're such losers. [laughs] They listen to Ween all the time!

M2: Not quite an endorsement for the Ween Fan Club. You should take your address off of your albums.

DEAN: Nah. We just get letters and throw them away and never look at them. [laughs]

GENE: I've got like four bags full of letters in my closet.

DEAN: We just read them and throw them away and never call anyone. We just laugh at them, as long as they keep buying up our stuff.

BOOGNISH THE INSCRUTABLE

M2: So, what's up with Boognish?

GENE: We can't talk about that.

DEAN: We skip that one every time.

M2: But what about those Weenheads wandering around outside, muttering His name?

DEAN: That's what touches people, that's what makes those loser kids listen to nothing but Ween. [laughs] Boognish!

RELAXING WITH WEEN

M2: What are you doing when you're not making music?

GENE: Drinking.

DEAN: We don't have any good recreation beyond Sega. We used to play tons of ping pong, then we got Sega Genesis.

M2: I got Nintendo as a present, and then four months later, Super Nintendo came out. Now I feel really inadequate.

GENE: Aw no, man.

DEAN: Just trade it in and buy Sega Genesis. But you know, even that's starting to wear off for us. We need some new recreation. We need a pool table.

GENE: I think I'm gonna join the YMCA and start swimming. Or maybe I'll join the Knights of Columbus so I can have a place to drink and just be with the guys.

M2: What are you going to do when you make a million dollars?

GENE: I'd like to go somewhere really rednecky and shitty where it's cheap to live. As soon as I have twenty thousand dollars saved up, I think I'm gonna retire to Louisiana for two years, until the money runs out.

M2: What's next for Ween in the meantime?

DEAN: Tour and make records, probably forever, until we go completely insane.

GENE: Until we have a breakdown in New York City.

DEAN: Totally.

M2: Anything to say to the people who haven't already listened to the album?

DEAN: Yeah. Fuck you!