New Message between [SoupySounds,BeeEnjoyer, FishingHangouts]
–SS is online!
–BE is online!
–FH is online!
FH: love talking about 2022 in history class
FH: i want to be like:
FH: would you believe me if i said i knew a gal?
BE: me, vagueposting abt sss future: :#
SS: SSS?
BE: possessive
SS: I see.
SS: So SS's?
BE: yea lmao
SS: Embrace punctuation.
BE: no<3
FH: i don't want to fuck up time and whatever by being too direct but like are you okay over there in 2022?
BE: yea dw
BE: things r pretty calm in my corner of the world
BE: and its not like i go out much lmao
BE: so im ok
FH: sorry if that was weird.
BE: no its ok
BE: it was rlly sweet :3
SS: I assume I'll find out what all this means in about eight years?
BE: i think its seven
BE: maybe like 6 and a bit
SS: I'm incredibly worried.
BE: itll be ok
BE: like itll be bad for a bit but then it starts being ok
BE: and since fh didnt know much abt it im assuming it starts wrapping up pretty soon.
SS: Okay.
BE: now onto an even grimmer topic than this
FH: !?
BE: i asked a girl out n got rejected lmao
FH: that is grim news!
BE: i figured it was worth a shot n then
BE: u wanna know what she told me
BE: 'im gay sorry'
FH: ????
SS: ????
BE: turns out i dodged a bullet if she was gonna be all transphobic like that
SS: You're transgender?
BE: yea
BE: coulda sworn id mentioned it at 1 point tnh
BE: my bad
FH: it's not like you owe us a coming out or anything.
FH: coming out is kinda bullshit anyway.
BE: cheers ill drink to that bro :3
SS: I hope my message didn't come across as passive aggressive! I mirror FH's sentiment.
BE: ss arent u non binary
SS: Yes, but it wouldn't excuse passive aggression.
BE: aw
BE: well yea she said that
BE: so obviously
BE: i hit her with a good ol
BE: same
BE: then she frowned at me and walked away
BE: never been more glad not 2 go out w a pretty girl
FH: jeez!!
SS: That's horrible.
SS: Are you okay?
BE: yea its kinda funny if i forget that transphobia exists
BE: like
BE: sorry fellow lesbian i am not going to go out with you because i am a lesbian
BE: i wish shed just said she didnt like me
BE: cuz that i can take
BE: because its in her right to do that
BE: :(
FH: if it's any consolation, there's plenty of girls out there that'd date you and wouldn't be transphobic either
BE: lmao i fucking hope so
BE: if every pretty girl i meet is transphobic ill quit dating
BE: buy an apartment and have seven cats
BE: u know the drill
SS: Ah, my future plans already!
SS: Everyone around me will not consider dating me because they don't want to be gay.
SS: As a non-binary person in a highschool, everyone decided individually if I was a man or a woman, taking my refusal of the gender binary as an opportunity to super-impose their own idea about who I was onto me. But it was unanimously decided that if you date me, You Are Gay, And That Is Bad.
BE: dude
BE: ur cool for coming out tho
BE: like i dont wanna go 'ur brave <33' cuz when pple say that to me theyre like tryna get brownie points and ignore that theyre usually part of the problem
BE: but its really hard being out as a binary trans person in 2022 i cant imagine being non binary in 2013
BE: cuz a buncha people are still all 'oh non binary isnt real sweaty' over here
BE: and theres a buncha pple who decided their acceptance ends w binary trans pple
BE: its
BE: rlly fucked up
SS: It is difficult.
SS: But I find that I don't care.
SS: I'm happier than I was, and as a rather incorrigible 'snitch' people have given up on physical violence. Administration is rather receptive to a fifteen year old who got the shit beaten out of them,it turns out. Of course people still insult me and berate me, but I can't bring myself to care. I was always a certain level of removed even before I came out.
BE: the fact that u had 2 get beat up to get taken seriously is so fucked up
SS: Yes.
BE: imagine if we went to school together
BE: id actually go most days then lmao
FH: i feel like we'd cause so many problems.
BE: i forgot u were here djdjdk
FH: you two were having a trans bonding moment. i didn't want to interrupt with anything unimportant.
BE: finally a cis ally who knows how 2 b quiet <3
FH: lol!!
FH: also 'djdjdk'?
BE: u know
BE: like keyboard smash
FH: ?
BE: no
BE: fh this is like gay 101
FH: it is??
BE: dont tell me the art of keysmashing has been lost to the ages
BE: i cant fucking take this
FH: i'm not super up to date on internet culture, it could still be a thing!
BE: how wil the future gays ever express emotions :(
FH: i mean, as a gay person in 'the future' i've never experienced an emotion.
BE: what the fuck
SS: As a gay person in 'the past' I have also never experienced an emotion.
BE: what the fuck (x2)
BE: i cant believe this shit
FH: my dads back i need to go.
FH: bye!!
–FH is offline!
BE: complete topic change but o well
BE: i bought this sickass book abt dinosaurs
BE: like that stuffs sick as fuck
BE: like apparently there wasnt grass when the dinosaurs were on earth
SS: !?
SS: That would mean any depiction of a dinosaur eating grass would be false!?
BE: yea :0
BE: lmao i kinda miss my brother
BE: hes off in some desert in the middle of nowhere lookin at dinosaur bones
BE: paleontology stops 4 nothing
SS: Is it just you and your brother?
BE: yea
BE: and he was around a bunch bc of reasons thatd ruin the timeline if i told you but now its somewhat safe for him to go back out again
SS: He doesn't leave you at home for long stretches of time very often, I hope.
BE: no he usually does models n shit in his office
BE: its really cool
BE: but the one hes making a model of they only found like half a skeleton and they found another one w a buncha bones he had no ref for
BE: and they dont wanna ship the bones 2 his office so he was like 'ok ill go there'
BE: he also asked me if id b ok on my own
BE: and i said yea bc im not gonna himder his career
BE: plus i owe him a bunch
SS: Would you like some possibly unhelpful advice?
BE: yea
SS: When I feel lonely, I try to do something that fills up space. I tend to stay in one or two rooms if I'm by myself, and don't go around the rest of the house. Something as simple as being in a different room can do wonders.
SS: It's a very temporary solution, but it could help.
BE: ill try that
BE: but before that i have a question
SS: Yes?
BE: are you alone a lot, bc i dont think iv ever heard u talk about ur parents
BE: or like any family at all
BE: and you just said ur by urself a lot
BE: r u ok
SS: …
SS: What does it matter?
BE: bc ur my friend
SS: If I was alone, what could you do that you haven't already done?
BE: i dont know!!!
BE: but i dont want you to suffer by urself
SS: I'm not 'suffering.'
–SS is offline!
BE: :(
-BE is offline!
–SS is online!
SS: Maybe I am suffering.
SS: But there's nothing you could do.
–BE is online!
BE: shush w that 'theres nothing you can do' stuff
BE: bc youre wrong
–SS is offline!
BE: fine be like that
BE: im still ur friend and even when ur being immature i want 2 b there for u
BE: its abt to get chalk full of feelings up in this bitch
BE: ahem
BE: yea we cant meet each other irl, but i know that youve helped me in so many ways
BE: every time u say 'you could do this, it might help' it might not help help but a reminder that someone cares about me that isnt related to me means the world
BE: and maybe im not you and i cant say something and make you feel better
BE: but what i do know is that talking abt stuff helps
BE: its teary and snotty and feels like digging up old bs sometimes but the point is that u shouldnt have to feel like ur digging something up every time
BE: that stuffs gonna be a part of you whether u like it or not
BE: accepting the things that hurt me wasnt easy but everything hurts less than when i was walking around trying to pretend like nothing was wrong
BE: and maybe i cant do anything to make you feel better
BE: but then youll have a better idea of what helps in the future
BE: hell u dont even have to talk 2 me at this point
BE: but u sound like u need someone 2 talk to and im willing to listen
BE: and idk maybe it sounds like im pulling a buncha nice bs out of my ass but i mean all this ok
BE: ill be here if you want to talk again
–SS is online!
SS: I'm sorry.
BE: i know ur sorry
BE: but whatre u gonna do abt it
SS: Things are difficult for me.
SS: That's no excuse for my immaturity, but I'm not used to these kinds of conversations.
BE: elaborate on that pls
SS: Conversations where someone expresses a genuine concern about my well-being.
BE: thats so fucked up
SS: It…
SS; It is.
SS: But that's the root of the issue for me, isn't it?
SS: For all intents and purposes, I grew up alone.
BE: huh :?
SS: Let me explain. After I was about eleven, my parents began disappearing for longer and longer stretches of time.I believe I last saw my mother and father two years ago at this point. I learned to take care of myself and the house to the point where I may as well just be a glorified housekeeper on an allowance to my parents.
SS: My anemia was caused by having little idea how to feed myself and eat everything that I needed to. The cause of the caffeine addiction was that I was twelve, and had no idea how to cope with any illness, discomfort or pain by myself and attempting to solve the problem. They called a family friend to take me home after I'd been taken to the hospital because I'd passed out in school. They didn't call or text either.
BE: what the fuck
SS: I called my mother and father to come out to them both, and it rang to voicemail. I called a few more times on different days, and it was the same. I left a voicemail that prompted no further engagement.
SS: There are a lot of moments where I wonder if I did something, because until I was eleven, everything was okay. And then they packed up and left.
SS: And that's all it is, I'm upset because my parents don't love me.
BE: what the fuck id be upset too bro
SS: I don't know if I could deal with them coming back, though.
SS: I don't know if I want them to. I just wish I wasn't alone.
BE: im sorry
BE: u should get a meowmeow
SS: Pardon?
BE: if u dont have any available friends to move in with u then get a meowmeow
BE: theyre very good companions and dont need a super big amount of upkeep
BE: and they will likely meow at u which would break up silence p well
BE: besides ur parents arent around enough 2 get an opinion
BE: sorry if its kinda dumb
SS: No. That's a very good idea that I would never have even considered.
SS: I'll have to do proper research and make accommodations to my home before going to scout out potential…
BE: omg
SS: MeowMeows.
BE: :3
SS: Is this the part where you tell me 'I told you so'?
BE: no
BE: bc being open is rlly difficult sometimes
BE: and im proud of u
SS: How dare you make me emotional without any accessible tissues.
BE: :,0
SS: Thank you, BE. You're a better friend than I probably deserve.
BE: nah im the perfect level of chaotic helpful u need :3c
BE: u deserve all the good friends ss <3
SS: B’D
BE: fuck yes theres that happy face
SS: I think I'm going to take a nap. I'm… rather tired.
BE: go 2 sleep go directly to sleep do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars
SS: ?
BE: like a monopoly go to jail card :3
SS: I… I see. Goodbye.
BE: happy sleep 2 you
–SS is offline!
–BE is offline!