Public Speaking 

(Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Use My Voice)

As I stood gripping the podium, looking out at the sea of faces, I thought “What am I doing here? How the hell did I let myself get talked into this?”

I hadn’t spoken in front of this many people in almost two decades, when I was performing in plays with the local drama groups. Back when I was young and before I had the confidence knocked out of me by bullies and abusive ex partners telling me that I’m not good enough.

Yet here I was in Brighton Conference Centre, about to address a room full of PCS reps, moving a motion on health and safety of all things! What did I know about that? Not much at all. Why was I doing this?

It had been a well-known fact that Gerry always spoke on motions on behalf of our branch. Why couldn’t he keep doing this? Alan, the branch chair, did not want him to continue to be the only voice in the branch. He wanted others to take a turn. And he always encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone, as he saw my potential, even when I didn’t.

So, I researched the topic of the motion, I spoke to health and safety reps, and I wrote a speech. I ran this past my branch delegation to make sure what I was saying was correct.

I stood at the podium, ready to move the motion. I made some joke about not being Gerry, and could feel the tumble-weed moment. I scolded myself, what a stupid joke.

I continued to recite the speech I had written. At least, I think that’s what I did. Words were coming out of my mouth, but all I could do was think about getting back to my seat without falling.

I finished, there was applause, and I returned to my seat, which was thankfully in the front row. My stomach was in knots, as I waited to hear if the motion was passed.

It was, and I went outside for fresh air. How was I going to do this again later that same day? How do people do that and sound so confident?

I took a few minutes and went back inside. I went to the toilet first before re-entering the hall, and I met another delegate from another branch, who told me that I spoke really well. I thought she was just being polite, but as the day progressed, more people said similar. It was a real confidence boost, and I felt more relaxed that afternoon as I moved another motion.

Since then, I have moved, seconded or intervened on motions at every conference I have attended, and there have been many.

I have spoken on behalf of my union at many numerous rallies, vigils, and events. I even volunteer to do so! Something I never thought I would do! I still get nervous every time I speak in public, but I know that is because I care about what I am talking about.

There are still people who try to break my confidence, but I don’t let them. No-one is dulling my shine ever again.

Written by Liz McGahey, PCS