In my last article, I talked about three ways to lead faithful team members. From the Parable of the Talents, we discovered how the master led faithful leaders by commending them, entrusting them with more responsibility, and rewarding them. So, how do you deal with the unfaithful team member?
Leaders today are frustrated by a lack of clarity, ineffective systems, dysfunctional teams, and unhealthy cultures. I speak, coach, and write to help motivated pastors and leaders gain clarity, build high-performing teams, and maximize organizational health.
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Yet, as I got healthy, and got the right kind of help, I was able to see that Samantha would never have been enough due to how self-absorbed I was and that no amount of attention or affection would have satisfied the gaping hole I had in my heart for security.
Nevertheless, I was angry at what I was having to go through, due to my own choices and I was angry that I had put myself in this position. Looking back, one of the manliest things I could have done, (and I did start doing after I came to my senses a bit and listened to Rick) was the list below:
I was really touched by your honest regarding your affair and I wish my husband would have done the same 4 months ago when I've discovered his emotional affair. We tried to talk about it but he denied at first saying that a fling is nothing and we should move o. At the end we got so exhausted and started hating each other that I am temporarily leaving the house with our triplets to give us some space to think about what happened. Our unhappy marriage didn't help at all and my mother in law sickest made him realise that he was unhappy and didn't want finish his life unhappy and told me that he misses me the one I was 15 years ago. I do understanding and I love so much my heart is breaking. He told me that he needs time to think about everything (his life and us). I just pray and hope that we will find each other again. Thanks a million for being so honest.
I realize this post is old but is so pertinent to what I am going through. My husband has had 2 affairs and is so angry and bitter at me. Is there anything I should do? He left home 7 months ago when it was discovered.
hi there. for him to be so angry at you, after his own affairs speaks to his own struggles and shame. i would work on you and work towards your own healing and restoration. he needs to work on him and his anger for what he's done. this series will help explain more about the mindset of the unfaithful:
hi onthefence, the reality is, him living with the other woman hurts the cause. it doesn't make it impossible, but it's difficult nonetheless. i don't think it's hopeless, but he would need to do something like the ems weekend with you and sit down with therapists who are experts and that could help him reason through some things internally. have you filed for divorce at all? do you have kids? how much communication does he have with you right now?
Alumna, betrayed. After enduring Betrayal Trauma, Karen developed a passion for assisting other betrayed partners in their journey to grieve, find hope, and rebuild their lives following such a life-shattering event.
Wayward codependent. Empowering others to find hope and healing in their own recovery and restoration journey. Passionate about the ripple effects of healing from infidelity on the younger generations.
A Democratic Senate candidate being unfaithful to his wife hits North Carolina voters harder than it might in some states, evoking the implosion of former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards.
The Grand Philosopher Ancient Leaf once expounded that a man who kills another out of passion or greed is condemned as a murderer, and one who kills ten people is reviled as a maniac, but one who causes the death of hundreds of thousands in pursuit of personal glory is often revered as a great personage. The Grand Historian Silver Mirror utilized the quote in describing the senseless nature of the Wars of the Four Princes and the Six Grand Lords, how the acts of all the kings, ministers, and generals throughout the long conflict achieved nothing in the end. The cycle of events from unity to disunity to chaos, then chaos back to disunity and finally to a new unity, only resulted in countless cities, towns, and villages falling into ruin. And the corpses of ambitious leaders, obedient soldiers, and powerless civilians lay in numbers like grains of sand upon a blood-soaked shore. Silver Mirror opined that a country that has reached the age of wisdom would stop building monuments to the warmongers of its history, but rather erect them for its peacemakers, those who saved lives by preventing the course of events from descending into a time of sword and fire.
The achievement of peace on Five Peaks Island has baffled historians for centuries as a miraculous last-minute aversion of a war that appeared inevitable to everyone concerned. The Great Sea Dragon, who began his life as a kidnapped child slave, then a galley rower, then a pirate, and then a pirate captain, emerged as an unprecedented genius of naval warfare as he battled and slaughtered his way to dominance in South Ocean and all its islands. With his fleet of ten thousand ships and an ambition that knew no bounds, he meant to take the greatest prize of them all, the Empire of the Grand Circle. But the Sixth Emperor was a man of war himself, as he was raised on the rugged northern frontier where he also served as the lord commander of fortresses. Even after his ascendance to the imperial throne, he was happiest on the campaign trail, extending his domain, punishing his recalcitrant subjects, and delighting in the destruction of those who defied him. In his endless greed for military glory, he left much of the running of the state to a group of eunuch secretaries, which led to what would later be referred to as the Rule of Fifty Half-Men. By all accounts, he was eager to face the barbarian upstart of South Ocean, whom he referred to as Pirate Fish Stink.
In recent decades, new discoveries made by junior historians at the Hall of Great Learning have provided startling insight into the event. Through their painstaking search in many archives across the country, they have unearthed documents of disparate natures that have revealed a hidden history of the Peace of Five Peaks Island. They include some discarded source material for the True Records of the Primal Dynasty, an early draft of the incomplete Preliminary Discourse on the Fall of the Primal Dynasty, a batch of official correspondences that was housed at the Hall of the Imperial Secretariat that were thought to have been destroyed during the burning of the palace by the Radiant army, and, most revealing of all, some personal writings of the two translators who worked on behalf of the emperor and the warlord. In addition, findings from a secret storehouse at the Temple to the Primordial Nothingness in Sundown Archipelago, relating to the events from the perspective of the advisors to the Great Sea Dragon, have provided support for the newly revealed narrative.
Diviner Supreme came from an illustrious family of scholar-officials, his father attaining the position of the high minister of rituals, but he was somewhat of a wayward younger son in his early life. He passed the civil examinations at a young age, but before he could receive a government appointment, he had to go into mourning period as his father died from falling off a horse. At its completion, he not only declined to pursue a career in officialdom but left West Capital to travel the world.
In the course of his many adventures, he proved to be a veritable genius in the learning of languages, as he ultimately mastered no less than twenty-four living tongues and the reading knowledge of twelve defunct ones. After wandering the world for over twenty years, he finally returned to his family home in West Capital barely alive, after suffering a near fatal wound in a pirate raid in Middle Ocean. He eventually recovered, but the permanent damage done to his right leg made him unfit for prolonged travel. He was subsequently appointed as a master at the Forest of Brushes, becoming the greatest scholar of languages and linguistics of his time.
Although the exact origin of the warlord known as the Great Sea Dragon is obscure, he spoke a dialect of the language of Sundown Archipelago used in the southernmost islands. He forced all the sea lords of his fleet to adopt the tongue, even those who did not come from the archipelago. When he achieved dominance in South Ocean, the obscurity of the language became a major problem for the imperials in trying to assess his threat. It turned out that in the entire officialdom of the Grand Circle, Diviner Supreme was the only one who had knowledge of the Sundown tongue from his sojourn on the islands. Consequently, when the negotiations on Five Peaks Island was set to begin, he was given a temporary appointment as the imperial translator and interpreter.
Once he successfully established dominion over South Ocean, he realized that many of his sea lords, fierce martial men who had known nothing but raiding and warring all their lives, were getting restless. In addition, those who did not come from Sundown Archipelago, which was most of them, had submitted to him out of necessity and calculation, but resented his authority over them. He knew that he had also exacerbated their discontent by ordering them to learn and use his native tongue, wear the costumes of his people, and follow the political and ritualistic ways of the archipelago. Many of them had been part of a loose confederation of pirates in which the highest leader was the first among equals, so they found it humiliating to kneel while paying fealty to the Great Sea Dragon as their supreme lord. He was certain, therefore, that they would conspire against him sooner or later, unless he directed their energy elsewhere, to an enterprise that was dauntingly difficult as well as long-lasting, but one that also promised rewards beyond measure at its successful completion. The invasion would also give him the opportunity to get rid of some of his most untrustworthy subordinates on dangerous missions. But all that would work only if he proved to be victorious, as failure would lead certainly to the loss of his authority. 152ee80cbc
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