The Social Instinct

What Is the Social Instinct?

The Social Instinct is the relational drive that motivates us to create connections, care for the well-being of others, and find purpose within a larger human ecosystem. It is the newest of the Instinctual Drives, representing a revolution in how life self-organizes, encouraging acts that can go against individual survival interests for the sake of the group.

This instinct opens us to a new order of what living means, one in which our experience is embedded within a vast ecosystem of interrelated living things. It is our desire to bond, to belong, and to positively enhance the lives of those we care for. The Social Instinct instills a strong need for meaning that stems from finding a sense of purpose, vocation, or service in relation to others. It invites us to consider who and what we really care about, and what gives us purpose beyond self-interest.

Our survival and development as humans are utterly dependent upon being in relationships. This instinct is the source of our capacity to experience a sense of relatedness beyond genetic concerns, to recognize an intrinsic interconnectedness often far better than our conscious minds do. It provides a window into other people’s intentions, feelings, and identity for a complex, multifaceted view of the human mosaic.

The 3 Core Needs of the Social Instinct

This instinct motivates behavior to fulfill three specific biological and emotional needs:

1. Relatedness

• The need to be in a relationship and maintain close emotional contact with others, whether friends, partners, or family. This is our need for emotional intimacy and for giving and receiving attention and care. Relatedness is the basis for our experience of identity and self-image.

2. Belonging

• The need to feel belonging with someone or something, to feel we matter and are a part of something greater than ourselves. Another way of expressing this need is as a need for community, collaboration, and for a sense of place and support. It is to have a visceral sense that one matters, to share a sense of common aim.

3. Context/Vocation

• The need to interpret the boundaries, expectations, and structures of interpersonal dynamics.This recognition further motivates us to participate in the lives of others beyond self-interested pursuits and to understand one’s part in a greater whole. This may manifest as the need to give to or serve others, to create meaning for oneself and others, and to share one’s gifts and vocation.

Healthy Expression: The Awake Social Instinct

When we are present and connected to this drive, it manifests as skillful empathy, authentic contribution, and a profound sense of meaningful belonging. The awake Social Instinct brings us into true relationships where we not only experience nourishment in contributing, we also feel a larger presence that we are inextricably a part of.

• Relational Intelligence & Adaptability: The Social Instinct’s boundary style is flexible and adaptable. It is sensitive and receptive to other people’s state, helping us read a wide range of verbal and non-verbal cues, interpret interpersonal dynamics, and adjust our engagement style appropriately. It attunes us to the inner state of another person.

• Discernment & Affinity: It discriminates based on affinity and is sensitive to the foundations of any kind of relatedness. It helps us assess who is or isn’t a worthy friend, ally, or partner, without losing sight of the humanity of those with whom we disagree. It seeks to connect with like-minded people while appreciating differences.

• Purpose & Contribution: It imbues a desire to live and act in concert with others. Having something of value to offer others provides a sense of purpose. This drive seeks a way to not only be impacted through contact with others but to also offer up something of our own. Vocation and meaning are major themes.

• Authentic Connection: It isn’t replacing “I” with “we,” but instead living from a place in which our action and inaction have meaning for a larger reality than our own immediate concerns. It allows us to hold multiple facets of self without becoming lost in any of them, moving beyond rigid roles to authentic relatedness.

Ego Pattern: When the Instinct is Unconscious

When we are not present, the energy of the Social Instinct is co-opted by the fear of being ostracized and abandoned. We become overly focused on whether we’re acceptable to those we value, and the ego tries to manage our connectedness and status via Positioning.

• Positioning & Role-Playing: Positioning is attaching to interpersonal roles (even negative ones) to provide orientation and acceptance, in place of the vulnerability of authentic relating. We relate to others through a projection based on past familial dynamics, imagining connections and judgments that are usually inaccurate.

• Dichotomies & Aggression: This is accompanied by habitual emotions and self-images that fall into dichotomies like inclusion/exclusion, victim/villain, or inferiority/superiority, which can turn into ingroup/outgroup aggression to defend against threats to one’s status. Whether we place ourselves “above” or “below” others, we’re not in authentic relatedness.

• Projection & Manipulation: We unconsciously manipulate people and situations to correspond with an interior vision of how the social field “should look” and try to secure a favorable place within it. We project our own psychological issues onto others, believing we are picking up on objective dynamics when we are reinforcing a familiar, negative sense of identity.

• Image Management & Transactionality: There can be excessive striving for status, treating oneself as a "brand," and keeping a tally of social exchanges. Actions that seem generous can have unspoken expectations, leading to alienation. The need for reciprocity can become skewed and self-focused.

Social as a Dominant Instinct

If the Social Instinct is your dominant instinct, your personality is primarily organized around the psychological activity of attending to the needs of relatedness, belonging, and vocation. This instinct is the motivating force of your egoic identity; you unconsciously believe it is the key to your survival and happiness.

• Central Motivation & Focus: You are intensely aware of interpersonal forces and sensitive to the emotional atmosphere of your social milieu. You have a strong motive to be involved in the lives of others in a meaningful way and to leave an impact. You often find a way to engage with people by having something to offer, and this role often becomes a major facet of your personality.

• Strengths & Traits: You possess strong interpersonal perceptiveness, relational intuition, and natural adaptability. You are often good at reading people, communicating, and mobilizing others toward a common aim. You are capable of holding multiple people and agendas in your awareness and have a strong desire for fair reciprocity.

• Potential Pitfalls: You may be better at seeing the value in others than in yourself, leading to a lifelong challenge in discerning your own contribution. You can become overly tied to the agendas of others, subject to second-guessing, and preoccupied with social value and image management. There can be a confusion of “selfless” and “selfish” motivations.

• Core Fear Realized: The ego's strategy is an attempt to avoid the fear that expressing the other instincts (Self-Preservation or Sexual) will alienate others and cause you to be ostracized and abandoned.

Social as a Blindspot

If the Social Instinct is your blindspot, you neglect or ignore its needs. You are deeply handicapped in your ability to “see” its operation and the cost of this negligence.

• The Blindspot Stance: You may view social engagement as taxing, full of vague expectations, and a fruitless expenditure of energy that compromises your autonomy and uniqueness. You may stereotype it as exhausting small talk or aimless hanging out.

• Common Manifestations: You operate from a vague notion of social architecture, missing interpersonal cues that seem obvious to others. You can be insular, self-referencing, and your energy can seem closed or unavailable even if you are inwardly open. You likely fail to put in consistent effort to maintain relationships, have poor facial recognition, and feel awkward or futile in attempts to connect.

• Impact: This neglect limits your ability to gain traction in the world, as success is often tied to relationships and connections. You may burn through social capital, take others for granted, and fail to see how your gifts could benefit others or how you are needed. You may hold vague or extreme political positions and have a deep distrust of groups. Growth comes from extending your sense of personal boundaries, recognizing your impact, and opening to the profound sense of meaning that comes from authentic contribution.

NOTE: For Enneagram-related pages, along with original content, this website utilizes much of its theoretical principles and applied material sourced from Ichazo, Naranjo, and Enneagrammer. We do not claim ownership over the provided materials, and we do not profit from the materials provided. Application of materials may not align with the conclusions of the primary sources.