As The River Flows

The sky was gray above my head, tarnished with ivory storm clouds, poised waiting for the water to burst free. I waited. The harsh rocks formed indents in my hot, overwhelmed back, and the poison ivy below my dirty callused feet irritated them. I stared at the sky, fighting the urge to scratch my skin and change my position. I lied there with anticipation of the upcoming deluge of rain.

The river beside me began to profess its secrets and tales, singing a lullaby in a soft sullen voice. In return, I told it my own, placing red frayed fingers into its control. My face scrunched as I felt the cold sensation of the water hit the exposed nerves.

 The excruciating pain of the cold unleashed my thoughts, the ones I wished to keep contained. What to do? Where to go? The last question that crossed my thoughts, was the only question I could answer. Who am I? Now, I was nothing. I had no job, no friends, no house, no family, and most importantly, no purpose. I had spent all my life hiding behind a mirror of myself, playing the role of a puppet to the world. Leaving no mark, no footsteps behind me. But now that my eyes have opened, there was nothing in my past worth fighting for.

I looked again at the gray sky, hoping rain would fall, giving me the permission I needed to shed my tears. Permission to let my life go with the wind. I just wanted the world to tell me it was ok. For the trees to play with my hair, the river to clean my wounds, and the clouds to cry with me. I closed my eyes and wished. 

A drop of dewy liquid fell on my face, the storm had begun. The earth answered: I was going to be fine. It reassured me, telling me I wasn’t a monster. I had just made a mistake. Only a mistake. As the showers drenched my body, I sat up. I scratched my ankles and let my back return to its normal position. I looked to the sky and let go of every emotion I was holding in. I cried. I stood on both of my legs and walked towards the river, sitting down to share everything I had ever known, gifting a river of my own. 

In a weird, serene way, the water called to me. 

I dropped my feet in, then my body. In a short time I was floating on its surface, feeling quite weightless for someone wearing soaked cargo jeans. An unearthly pull grabbed my body, drawing me into its depths. I looked to the heavens , my tears, blood, and body joining the water that surrounded me. I blinked. For just a single moment, I was gone. Had someone looked down at me from the trees above, it would almost be like… I had never existed at all.