Embedded Files
This story is very exciting. First, a giant spider appears out of nowhere, and sits on a horrible rug. It is a super clever alien spider, though, and so as well as crawling about and looking gross, it can shriek at you and tell you to do stuff.
It has come to earth to find a crystal that Doctor Who nicked from the Planet of the Spiders ages ago. It finds some blokes and shrieks "Take me to Doctor Who please."
This bloke is delighted to help the giant spider. In return, the spider gives him magic powers. Look - he can shoot lightning now, like the Emperor from Star Wars. Cool.
The man chases Doctor Who about for a bit. He has not reckoned, however, with Doctor Who's plan to jump into a car and zoom off, laughing. Then they chase each other about all day, both appearing to have a splendid time.
The man - who is called Lupton - gets very tired of chasing/being chased by Doctor Who, and eventually teleports off to go and live on the Planet of the Spiders.
He is friends with spiders now. Which is weird. I think a giant spider would have to do more than give me zappy powers before I decided to go home and meet its family.
I think Lupton looks a bit like late 90s David Bowie here. He liked Spiders too. Maybe Lupton was just one of Bowie's many personas.
The Spiders decide to jump onto Sarah Jane instead. "Go find Doctor Who!" They shriek. Which she does, as we can see here.
Doctor Who has been hanging out with this beardy guy. He's another Time Lord, which probably explains why his dress sense is ludicrous. They weren't expecting Sarah, and now Doctor Who has to pretend that they weren't about to take massive amounts of drugs.
Doctor Who is saying, "Why have you got a giant evil spider on your back?"
"Say that you don't!" shrieks the spider in her ear. This convinces no-one.
Eventually everyone goes to the Planet of the Spiders. Sarah's spider jumps off her and goes to play in its web.
Sarah is freed of its control, but I think the spiders decide to eat her, so the day still requires significant improvement.
Doctor Who goes to confront the Massive Evil Queen Spider. She lives in this cool blue cave, made of crystals.
She's going, "Why did you nick my crystal Doctor Who? I needed it for my cave." Which she blatantly doesn't - she's got loads. If she was human, she'd be the kind of person who buys films she's never going to watch, just to have a massive BluRay collection.
Doctor Who can't think of anything else to do, so he gives her the crystal. This makes her brain explode, and she sets on fire and everything collapses and blows up.
Doctor Who runs off, having yet again won without actually doing anything except - in fact - basically lose
Sadly for Doctor Who, his unearned victory is short lived. Apparently the big crystal explosion made radiation go everywhere, including into Doctor Who's brain and basically all over him. This means he is going to die.
Sarah Jane is quite upset. Even though he was a vain, selfish drunk with the personality of a psychopath, he was quite fun to be with. He could say the odd charming thing, when his mouth wasn't full of cheese or wine or racism.
Soon he will turn into another Doctor Who. But that's for another time. Goodbye Doctor Who number three. You had a hideous taste in shirts, but great taste in ladies and monsters.
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