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This week, Doctor Who goes back to his home planet, which is full of these guys. They're the Time Lords, and they have the fanciest robes in all of time and space.
Doctor Who hasn't been back home n ages, and if anyone asks why he says it's because they're all jerks, and he was too cool for them, and they couldn't handle his far out ideas and excellent dress sense.
Their reaction when he returns, however, suggests that he may have been exaggerating. No-one seems particularly excited to see him, and certainly nobody is running around shouting, "Oh no, that famous maverick Doctor Who is back! Watch out! Things are going to get pretty crazy now he's on the scene!"
Instead, they all gather in this huge room, showing off their super fine robes to each other. There are literally no girls on their planet, so this probably counts as a big night out for them.
Doctor Who is really here because there's a Deadly Assassin about, and he wants to find out who it is. Then everyone will call him "Our Saviour, Doctor Who" and maybe name a special day after him, or maybe a flavour of ice cream. He reckons that the Deadly Assassin will shoot the President with a gun, because he had a Space Premonition about it.
He's right, as it turns out, and look - there's someone aiming through a gun-sight at him, right now. They don't shoot him - their plan is far more devious and deadly. Also he's the main character, so if they killed Doctor Who, then no-one would watch the rest of the story, so their plan would be a waste of time.
Doctor Who has, of course, instantly lost focus on what he's meant to be doing. He's found some amazing clothes, and is wandering about trying to find people he knew at school so he can tell them about all the girls he's met since he left.
The Deadly Assassin does manage to kill the president, and look who is behind the whole thing - it's The Master!
He's had a pretty bad time since last we saw him. He used to be a quite handsome bloke with a cool beard, who would swan around on Earth annoying Doctor Who on a weekly basis. Now he seems to have set his entire head on fire, and maybe died, and turned into the kind of things that happens when frying eggs goes wrong.
The Master is now hiding in sewers and sending other people to pester Doctor Who on his behalf. This is understandable. Doctor Who was incredibly rude to The Master at the best of times. One can only imagine the deeply hurtful things that he would say now his adversary seems to have accidentally shaved his entire face off.
Here's the guy who The Master has sent to do all the Assassining. He's called Chancellor Goth. You can see that he is imbued with incredible confidence, possibly because of his spectacularly enjoyable name, but also maybe because of his cutting edge fashion sense.
Chancellor Goth strides about saying things like, "We must find the Deadly Assassin!" and "I think Doctor Who is the Deadly Assassin!" and "It certainly wasn't me - I was off doing my make-up at the time."
There appear to be two distinct approaches to acting on this planet.
The main actors are all performing as if they are in a very serious, Shakespearian drama, which just happens to be set in Mad Glam Rock Space World.
The background artists, however, are very much playing to the cheap seats, and spend the whole time massively overreacting to things. See those two guys? The president was killed ages ago, but they are still bouncing up and down going, "What? Really? The President? You can't be serious! Well I never!"
Doctor Who is finally forced to pay attention to the plot when everyone says they are strongly considering executing him for being a Deadly Assassin. He says he's definitely not, and tries to leave, but they're having none of that. They're used to Doctor Who, round these parts, and one gets the impression that he's not exactly developed a reputation as 'Least likely to accidentally murder the president'."
Luckily, Doctor Who has a great idea. He's going to go into a magic computer dream-world, called The Matrix, and find the real killer in there. This is a cunning plan, and also has the lovely side benefit of allowing him to have a bit of a lie down for the most of the rest of the story.
Inside the Matrix, Doctor Who soon locates the real Deadly Assassin. He's fairly easy to spot, because he's dressed as 'Clearly a Mysterious Murderer'.
Doctor Who and the Deadly Assassin chase each other around the dream world for ages, both having a delightful time. There are many opportunities to be creatively violent to each other, and it seems at last like we might have found somewhere Doctor Who likes better than the pub.
Eventually Doctor Who triumphs, and unmasks Chancellor Goth, and also murders him a bit. This is bad news for Goth, but I think they would both agree that they've had a smashing afternoon and would happily do it again the same time next year, if one of them wasn't dead.
The Master's plan to frame Doctor Who has failed, and his mate is dead. But it turns out he has this whole other plan going on, which is "Blow up the entire planet and hope that makes your face come back."
He's got hold of some super powerful Time Lord gear, which lets him open the planet up and suck out all the energy or something. But, of course, being The Master, he has massively underestimated how much his plan will blow everything up, and so he ends up tumbling to his doom.
Doctor Who has won again, using his signature move - 'Murder some of the bad guys and hope the rest kill themselves by accident." He leaves soon afterwards, before anyone can ask him to help with the clearing up, or get round to wondering if any of this would have happened if he hadn't turned up in the first place.
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