Recently, it’s been hard for me to make time to write for fun. In the haze of college and scholarship applications, I can’t remember the last time I actually sat down and wrote something purely for my own enjoyment.

The other day, I was sorting through some old notebooks and folders from middle school in an attempt to get some cleaning done. Flipping through my old writing, I recalled my days in middle school when I would eagerly open up my desktop computer to finish my 25-page long story as soon as I returned from school. I had been so convinced that I would actually make it a book someday, but completely abandoned the idea once I stepped into the jaws of high school.

There was really no reason for it, except for the fact that I thought it was a waste of my time. I had so much other school work piling up, so why spend my spare time writing, when I could be watching Netflix or going out with friends? It didn’t seem as enjoyable as it had been in the past, it seemed like more work.

As I continued moving through high school, I faced hardships — personally and academically. I found myself turning to Google Docs late at night to sort out my thoughts and write down all of the things that I didn’t know how to vocalize to those around me. As I dealt with friends drifting away and changes in my personal life, I started to realize how much comfort writing provides me with. Even when I felt like I couldn’t go to anyone else, I was able to confide in my words.

Fast forward to today, I’ve been writing a lot of applications. Every day is just another reminder of all of the essays that are waiting on my laptop. However, I’ve been taking the time to reflect a little bit each day, even if it’s only for 5 to 10 minutes.

I’ll open my phone, and just type. Type whatever comes to mind or is on my mind. Some days, when I’m feeling blue, it’s just a flurry of words. Other days, I write something positive or creative to come back to when I have free time. Although it seems like a small act, it gives me a sense of consolation that no other activity has.

I’ve definitely found that it’s hard to even put aside this time since I can’t seem to do it without having a sinking feeling of guilt about my impending assignments and due dates. I’ve had to work on retraining my brain to help me see free writing as enjoyable and stress-relieving, rather than as something that’s just wasting my time. I’m still working on it, but I’m glad I’ve dipped into writing again, and even more so, have found solace in it.