Although the term ‘model minority’ is often used as though it’s a positive stereotype, for me and many others it does more harm than good. The biggest struggle for me was living up to the expectations set by the term. As if the academic pressure placed on me by my parents wasn’t enough, the society around me had the same expectations of academic excellence. For the longest time, I didn’t know how to escape these expectations.

But then I discovered art.

Art was the one thing where I didn’t feel pressure to live up to anyone’s expectations. I could express myself in any way I wanted, in whatever way I wanted to, because whatever I created was mine. I took as many art classes as I could throughout middle school. I loved being able to express myself through a variety of mediums. High school, however, was a much different story.

Art was my form of escapism,\ It let me hide from the academic expectations of those around me. but eventually, those expectations caught up to me, in high school, I had to choose: either take art classes in hopes of making it a career out of it or take AP and college-level classes that would guarantee me college admission.

So I gave in.

I pushed my love for art aside and planned my entire high school career around taking as many high-level academic classes as I could. Even though I couldn’t take art classes, I gave every art-related project, whether it was for English or engineering or just a holiday, special attention.

By giving in to the academic pressure placed on me by those around me, I gained respect and admiration as I climbed my way to the top of the class, but I lost my passion for art along the way.

Was it worth it? No

As a rising senior, looking back on the decisions I’ve made so far in high school, I don’t think I’d make them again if given the chance. Throwing myself into my academics and making education my entire life made me lose sight of who I really was. I committed myself to take classes that would help me pursue a career that I was not even sure I like because I wasn’t given enough time to figure out my interests and passions. But, it’s too late to back out now. Realizing this, I’ve taken the abundance of extra time I’ve had during quarantine to rebuild my connection with art by painting, creating digital art, and sketching. While many of the academic stresses in my life remain, making the conscious effort to rekindle my passion for art has helped me remember what made me love art in the first place.