A Very S.A.L.T-y Holiday Special! (Part 1)

Written by Kektendo

It’s the night of Christmas Day at the S.A.L.T. Diner. The main diner portion was closed, dark and silent. It was empty… well, except for one friendly fellow on the bar’s countertop.

Oh, hi there! It’s me, Saltmann Garcia, the announcer of this tournament, but please, call me Saltmann. It appears to be Christmas Eve, so, why don’t I read you a Christmas story!

He hops over to a storybook casually resting near him.

Ahem… ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the diner, not a creature was stirring, not even a-

BWAAAAAAAAAH!!

Goddammit.

Bwa Bwah Bwuh. (Hey uh, Timmy, the party isn’t here.)

Bwuh Bwah Bweh. (It’s downstairs in the party room, Timmy. Why are you like this?)

Bwah Bwah Bwaaaah. (C’mon man, don’t be so hard on him. Maybe the loss is getting to him.)

Bwaaaah BWAAAAH! (Nah, it’s fine. Let’s just get to the party and GO BALLISTIC!)

Bwah… (I guess…)

The Rabbids left the main diner to go to the party room in the diner’s underground, leaving Saltmann alone.

Well that was… something. I suppose I should leave you be, though I’m sure you’ll enjoy seeing what everyone’s up to at the Christmas party. That’s all from me, Happy Holidays! I’m gonna go take a nap or something. Hope Santa brings me something good.

Meanwhile, down at the Christmas party...

WHAAAAT?! You don’t believe in Christmas, Skeletor?!

I hate Christmas and I hate the holidays. I don’t see why any of you buffoons are so into it.

But if you hate Christmas, why’d you accept to do the party?

So that the contestants could have something to celebrate with. Plus, you said it was good PR for the fools in the audience.

I guess that’s fair then.

But Skeletor, how could you NOT be festive! Even Blank’s in season!

Blank was floating nearby, covered in Christmas lights.

Bah Humbug, Christmas is for fools. Like all of you!

Don’t say that! Ibuki’s gonna show you the true meaning of the season! C’mon, Vechey, let’s go!

He takes a swig of eggnog.

Sure, why not.

Ibuki guides the group to the corner of the room, where Richard Cheese, Lounge Against the Machine, and the Tiny Ghosts had a small setup to play live Christmas music.

Yo, Cheese! You think you could help us out with somethin’?

Sure. Now what may that be, young lady?

We need your help to show Skeletor the true meaning of Christmas!

Hmmmm, I guess we could try… We’ll need unlimited alcohol from the bar though.

Y- you already had unlimited alcohol.

Richard, along with everyone in his band, stop for a moment.

I’m gonna kill Skeet. Welp, here goes! Ready boys?!

With a hearty countdown from the Tiny Ghost’s drummer, the bands busted out into the full song of “Christmas in Las Vegas.” Ibuki and Vechey were jamming to the music, while Skeletor remained stone faced, indifferent about the chill lounge music.

So, how was that?

I mean... the song was nice, but what was with all that foolishness in the song? How does a reindeer bet a sled?

I can do the Hanukkah version if you want.

Still wouldn’t change my mind.

Well, we tried. I’m gonna go get some drinks for me and the boys, good luck with Sourpuss McGee over there.

Do you have anything else in mind, Ibuki?

Uhhhh, yeah! Let’s go, let’s go!

Ibuki drags Skeletor and Vechey over to a TV setup where we see a motley crew of the Add-Ons, the Spring Men, Takumi, Jenny, Gandhi, Lou Albano and Duane playing and watching Mario Kart Wii. Takumi, Funky Kong, Lou, and Mega Man’s Spring Man were all going head to head in a multiplayer race. Dante and Knuckles were cheering on their compatriot, and ARMS’s Spring Man was rooting for his teammate. Jenny, Gandhi and Duane were all placing bets on the winner.

Take a look at this rockin’ display, Skeletor! You've got everyone playing together, having fun, all in the warmth of the season!

Why would they be having fun? Takumi is an entire lap ahead of the other mortals.

He's wha-

Looking over at the players, we see Takumi already on lap 3, while the others had just started lap 2. Not only were the other racers distraught, but their supporters were distraught too.

Come on, bro! If you need me to tag in I will, dude. I gotcha!

It’s okay, Spring! I’ve raced before, it’s fine. This guy’s just too tough!

Funky, let’s go! You’re close enough, you’re in second!

Light up the road, dude! I’ll get you extra bananas if you win!

Come on, Funky! You can pull through! I put my whole net worth on you!

Honestly, Gandhi, why didn't you bet on Takumi?

Yeah, dude. Have you, like, ever seen him race? Of course he’s gonna win! I feel bad for Lou though, dudes. Poor guy ain’t doing so hot out there.

It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m just not used to this new console, but I got pasta power on my side! Plus, I’m Mario!

Okay, well maybe not EVERYONE is having fun, but look at all the support! Everyone’s got their friends’ backs, like they’re all a tight-knit band! Isn’t that cool!

Not really. They’d perform the same on their own.

Hey, maybe you just need something different.

We’ve visited two different groups already, you boob.

Well, let’s just find something else.

The group went to find more about the meaning of Christmas. Let’s see what some of the other contestants are doing...

So yeah, I don’t think Santa’s real. Science will bring me, an esteemed mad scientist, my presents!

isn’t it christmas day? shouldn’t you have your shit by now?

Science just isn’t the fastest to deliver, but I’m sure it’s speeding here on a beam of light as we speak!

whatever you say man, i just know santa got me some dope shit.

I don’t think anything brings you presents really, you just stand around with your buds in the trenches and tell cock jokes all night!

that’s kinda wack but i respect it.

No, no, no! Santa IS real, but he’s actually evil! And a lizard! And his gifts are just mind control devices that make you slaves! Where else do you think he got his elves?!