Embedded Files
Written by SportsFan
The S.A.L.T. Diner has been quiet as of late. Life has been going on, but for some, the silence felt alarming. However, with the announcement the tourney is starting to kick back up, three contestants met in the park.
Been a while, huh?
Huh, it really has. Feels like we kicked the snot out of the guy with the thief dude just the other day!
Y’know, come to think of it, the winner of this match goes to final 4, huh.
Yeah, I honestly forgot about that! I’ve been working to make sure I clench my ticket, so know this isn’t gonna be easy for you!
It would be a shame to lose so close to final fo-
Suddenly, Mordecai drops a wrench he was hiding behind his back.
What was that?
Oh, nothing! (Mordecai! What the hell was that? We were supposed to attack her with that!)
(Sorry dude, my wings got tired!)
You guys know I have super hearing, right? I can't believe you guys! That's it!
Suddenly, a giant cannon emerges from Jenny’s back, aiming at the two.
Please don’t blast us! Uh… It was Mordecai’s idea!
WHAT?! No it wasn't! Rigby! You're gonna get me KILLED!
I'm not talking about you guys. Can't you guys hear that?
... No?
I don’t know, I swear I heard some crazy guy talking about us going "boom boom."
No, no, I get what you’re talking about… Guys? I think something’s behind us.
Looking at the ground, the trio could feel two giant silhouettes looming over them. One a man, and one a beast. The figures get larger and larger until the three turn around and see…
Hey guys!
Honk! Honkhonkhonk! [Hello... victims.]
Woah, don’t sneak up on us like that!
Oh sorry, we were just about to ask if you guys have seen the two dudes blowing things up in the park.
Oh you were just- HUH?!
Suddenly, an enormous explosion goes off in front of the group, and through the fire two people can be seen.
Who’s there?! We’re not afraid to beat you up!
DUDE! THEY HAVE EXPLOSIVES!
OY! EV’RYONE HERE, LISTEN UP! THIS HERE PARK IS NOW PROPERTY OF US TWO! SCRAM OR WE KICK YOUR TEETH IN!
[She directs her cannon at the figures.] We’d like to see you try.
[He picks up the wrench he dropped, and holds it defensively.] Y-yeah! Come at us!
Those aren't explosions! I'll show you some real explosions!
Wait, Gandhi. What?
Long story.
HONK HONK HONK! HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK! [Translation was lost due to extreme vulgarity and usage of offensive stereotypes against Australians.]
WELL, I GUESS YOU LEAVE US WITH NO CHOICE! BE PREPARED FOR…
JUNKRAT AND…
...
(Oy, Mako. That's your cue.) JUNKRAT AND…
Quiet.
(Fine, Fine.) AND ROADHOG!
Real intimidating nicknames there, Slim Jim.
*snicker* Good one!
Oh... so you blokes want to talk trash?! HOOK 'EM MAKO!
Got it.
A giant hook flies towards the contestants, flinging Jenny, Mordecai, and Rigby towards Roadhog.
WAIT! I WAS JOKING, IT WAS JUST A JOKE!
Hey, buddy! Think you’re forgetting two of us!
Honk. [You will pay for insolence.]
WELL YOU WEREN’T ON THE BOUNTY, SO SHUT UP AND LET US TAKE CARE OF THIS!
Nuh uh, homeslice breadslice! We're stopping you!
Gandhi and the Murderous Goose charged at Junkrat, while the semifinalists were struggling to escape from Roadhog’s hook.
Hey, big guy, can you let us loose?
No.
Don’t you at least want to talk about it? Give us a chance?
No.
Please?
Roadhog then places a bomb beneath them that is set to detonate in mere seconds.
OY! WARN ME FIRST, PAL! SAFETY GOGGLES ON! [Junkrat cartoonishly switches into hastily made security equipment.] 3… 2… 1…
BOOOOOOOM! AHAHAHAHAHA!
All of the contestants are sent flying away, followed immediately by Roadhog bringing them back down with his hook, knocking them unconscious on landing. Hours later, everyone comes to their senses, where they find themselves trapped.
Where… are we?
Heck if I know, I’ve never seen this place before! Dig the wallpaper, though.
Uh, dude. I don’t think that’s wallpaper.
WELL YOU THOUGHT RIGHT! IT’S NOT WALLPAPER… IT’S BOMBS! ANY SECOND NOW, THIS PARTY'S GONNA BLOW UP, AND YOU'LL BE THE CONFETTI! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
HONK! HONK HONK HONK! [Your lack of versatility is pitiful! FACE ME!]
Oy, Jamison. I'm thinkin' The Goose wants a fight.
Pfft. What's a dumb bird gonna do anyway, mate? Throw knives at us?
A knife flew past Junkrat's head and cut some fibers off of his hair. Junkrat is stunned for a minute, until he notices the Goose's eyes glowing red with murderous intent. In its beak is a knife.
OY! THAT THING HAS KNIVES! AND IT'S THROWING 'EM AT US!
sigh...
The contestants run towards the criminals, each step they take causing explosions to go off beneath them, they try to avoid the explosions, but they keep long getting launched away. Roadhog smirks with malevolence and gives a small chuckle.
OY MAKO, THAT’S THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE LAUGHED IN YEARS! NOW THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
The contestants are exhausted on the floor, but the bombs aren't going off anymore
Dude, why aren’t we being blown up into the ceiling right now?
Guess it’s because we already tripped these bombs before.
Wait, hold on… are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?
Sure am. Ready…
Set…
Wait... I'M not thinking what you're thinking, Rigby what's the pla-
HONK!
All five throw the mines already blown up to the others that still haven't been touched, setting off as many explosions as possible.
WHAT IN BLAZES? OY! ARE YOU FIVE DUMB OR STUPID? THAT'S GETTING YOU GUYS KILLED!
Jamie! Prepare yourself!
FOR WHAT?! HEY, WHEN YOU GUYS DIE, WE STILL GET PAID, ALRIGHT?
The last bomb was set off, turning what was formerly a minefield into just a normal room.
Sorry, guess your pay day isn't happening!
OH YEAH, YOU KIDS THINK YOU’RE SO SMART… WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS! FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!
Junkrat’s Rip Tire is sent on a rampage through the room, heading straight towards the contestants.
I don't think so! Hey, Rigby! Brofist?
Brofist!
WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mordecai and Rigby punch the tire with full force, sending it back right towards Junkrat, causing the tire to explode in the scrawny criminal’s face. Roadhog sees this and starts preparing a chain to grab all of the contestants at once.
Jen!
On it!
Once again, Roadhog sends his hook flying at Jenny, but Jenny had a countermeasure. Her hand turns into a magnet, stopping the hook from getting to her, and the hook stuck to the magnet.
Gotcha!
Jenny flies up to the top of the room, and with her enhanced strength, drags Roadhog up with her. She swings the hook around, bashing Roadhog into the walls repeatedly before she chucks him straight to the floor. The other contestants launch upward due to the weight of the opponent and they all land safely onto the ground.
WOOOOOO! That's a score for Team SALT, up top!
Honk! Honk honk honk! [They will serve as nice trophies in my collection.]
You said it, Goose! I say this calls for a celebration!
Maybe… wait until after the match. I think we should go tell the others what happened.
Good call.
And so, the contestants exited the room into the dining hall, where they told their story.
But minutes later…
Hey, Skeletor!
What do you want?
Oh, I just wanted you to know that the contestants fended off some intruders!
What?
Mordecai, Rigby, and Jenny told me about it. They said that they were fighting against these two dudes who loved explosions, and that Gandhi and the Goose were there too!
... I see. We'll be more... alert... next time.
No problem! Just letting you know!
Ibuki exits the room.
Curse those fools! Such a shame they’re still under my payroll. And that girl too… I wonder how exactly I’ll get her to bite. Hmm…
He then snaps his fingers, and two figures approach behind him.
You two are on deck. Do not fail me. Here are your targets.
Skeletor hands the mysterious figures two pictures. One with the photo of a man with a red cap and a plumber's outfit. The other, a group of three. One with an outfit cloaked in red, the other a red spiky animal, and the other a sunglasses wearing monkey. The two nod their heads and immediately head off to their airships.
Hehehe... everything is going according to plan.
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