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Written by Zenith
Written by Zenith
Ah, the S.A.L.T. Diner. The place where cuisine of all kinds can be enjoyed. And when we mean all kinds… we mean ALL KINDS. Introducing the crazy maniacal madman himself, Joker, currently concocting a devious item in the kitchen. Beside him is Tonio, currently washing the dishes.
Ahh… what a wonderful smell. Those five-star restaurants will be kissing my boots once I finish this! Such bold flavors, it’s something to die for! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Just be sure not to touch the ingredients I left in the refrigerator. Grazie.
Not to worry, Tonio. I know my end of the bargain.
Tonio leaves the kitchen to clock out for the day. As he leaves, Penta Axe General enters the diner, noticing the slightly concerned look on Tonio’s face.
Halt, good chef! What leaves you in such a worried state? Is trouble afoot?
No no, it is nothing to worry about. I just left Joker in the kitchen.
You left that blackguard unsupervised? In the kitchen?! What if he does something absurd to the food?!
Calm yourself, mio amico. He’s not completely unsupervised. Skeletor, Lupin, and Tankman are in the vicinity. If anything goes wrong, they will surely step in.
Ah, well that is good to hear. But, do tell, why would that fiend be in the kitchen in the first place?
He wanted to make the best burger ever known. Something that not even 5-star quality restaurants could compete with.
What?! He dares to challenge the might… of Five Guys?!
...Mi scusi?
Allow me to challenge that villain in the kitchen, Tonio! I shall make a burger so delicious, it will top every burger known to mankind!
...sigh, I have no reason to decline… I plead that you not touch the ingredients in the refrigerator. Niko and I will be using that to make tomorrow’s hors d'oeuvres.
Not to worry, my culinary comrade, I shall remain on my best behavior! And absolutely nothing will go wrong!
I hope so. I will be back, I’m going to the supermarket to pick up some ingredients. Arrivederci.
Penta then barges into the kitchen and finds the Joker cooking. A veil of green smoke fills the air.
By the pope! What is this colored smoke?! And… why does it smell… good?
I’m surprised you could smell good food with all that musty sweat that stays in your armor, Penty! But yes, I’m concocting a piece of food so delicious, it’ll knock that shiny helmet right off of your head!
Hah! You think your food can defeat the might and power of fast food?! I shall demonstrate!
…Wait, your time period had fast food?
I CHALLENGE YOU… TO A FOOD WAR!
Such bold words, Penty! But I’ll smother your ham-fisted attempt at fine cuisine with my special… Crazy Hamburger!
My Penta-Style Bacon Cheeseburger will reign supreme as the best burger known to man!
The ongoing feud caught the attention of multiple people inside the diner. Lupin, Gandhi, and Tankman watch from the dining room as tensions start to rise.
Tell ya what. How about I judge who makes the best dish? It’ll only be fair considering that I’m getting kind of hungry.
Ooh, lemme be a judge too! I’m getting kinda hungry after watching American Pie for the ninth time.
After watching American Pie with him, I feel like my appetite for pie is ruined. You can't go wrong with a good hamburger, though.
Well, that settles it! Whoever gains the most votes on the best dish will be deemed… “Best Hamburger Maker”! Do we have ourselves a deal?
Deal!
Joker and the General shake hands.
Do your worst, jester.
Oh, I certainly won’t be doing my worst. I think you’ll find my expertise to be quite… shocking!
Pardon me?
Joker shocks Penta Axe General with his hand buzzer. As the General is electrified, Joker scurries off to make his burger.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Catch ya later, Penty!
That fiend... That has to be against the rules!
Dude, you shook hands with the Joker. That’s like, rule #1 when you’re trying to talk to him.
Yeah, not your smartest decision, compadre.
Why, that devilish clown…
The General runs to the kitchen to begin his competition with the mad clown. Both prepare their burgers incredibly fast, with complete and total focus for their cooking. Penta reached for a knife, but noticed all of them are gone.
So sorry, Penty! It seems I took the last knife! Hee hee!
Weren’t there more knives? Where could they have possibly go-
(in the distance) Honk!
It seems you’ll have to wait a while, Penty. I need this beautiful knife to cut this Grass of the Dead and horse meat!
Hah! I may have no knife, Joker, but I am not out of options!!!
Penta Axe General takes out his Killer Axe to strike down his meat, exerting a small shine. His Luna skill had activated.
Now then, meat: Pick a god and pray!
Penta Axe General cuts through the meat and other ingredients with ease. He’s moving fast compared to the Joker, while the crooked clown seems to be preparing the burger with no hesitations. Suddenly, Niko enters the diner. As they walk in, they find the Joker and the General in the heat of their duel.
Woah! Wha- what’s happening?
Holy crap, that’s some intense cooking!
They’re like burger wizards!
That General's workin' hard and fast with that meat.
...Hmm, I feel like there’s a joke to be made there somewhere.
But that Joker… he’s up to something. A clown like him's usually hiding something awful beneath that smile.
Oh no, the ingredients in the back! I have to go get them!
Niko entered the kitchen to avoid the intensity of the cooking. Meanwhile, Penta Axe General had just finished his artisanal burger.
Behold! My Penta-Style Bacon Cheeseburger!
Woah… that looks so good!
Hoho… that hamburger looks delicious. I think I’m getting a hard-on, so it's gotta be good.
Alright, let’s have a taste!
Lupin, Gandhi, and Tankman dig into the cheeseburgers that Penta Axe General had carefully crafted.
Haha, my wonderful cooking skills will surely blow you out of the water!
It’s alright.
...What?
Yeah, it's pretty good, but other than that it’s just a regular burger.
Impossible! My burger should be the best there is!
Yeah, I gotta agree. This burger is pretty alright, but nothing spectacular.
Oh… how sad… it seems that Penty didn’t create the perfect burger after all- Ooh, and what horrible timing, too! My burger should be finished just about… now!
Joker quickly compiles the patty with the rest of the toppings and buns. After putting the burgers on three separate plates, a distinct smell emits from the dishes. It's awfully foreboding, yet also welcoming in a way.
That's... concerning.
Don’t fret, Johnny boy. This burger will be sure to tickle your tummies with delight and happiness! For this burger is the burger that will fully satisfy your appetite. This… is my Crazy Hamburger-!
BWAGAH!
(BURGER!)
Timmy sucked in the burgers that Joker had made and digested them completely. As he ate, his eyes slowly changed from an insane red, to a terrifying greenish color. Timmy began to laugh maniacally and went out of control. All three Crazy Hamburgers he ingested had turned him mad.
Oh dear. That certainly wasn’t as planned… ah well. It’s just as hilarious!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You, jester! What hellish concoction have you unleashed upon this poor creature?!
Oh, it’s nothing, just a special ingredient: my patented Joker Venom. Just a drop will give the exact flavor I need! Too bad you all won’t be able to taste it. Although, looking at good ol’ Timmy over there, he seems to be having a time! Isn’t that right, Tim?
B̸̩̂W̵̻͋A̶̭̐Ǎ̴̲A̴̹͑A̸̗͂Ȃ̷̳Ȁ̷̘A̶̘͘A̸̧͆A̷̘̽A̴͕̕A̴͈͐Ȁ̷͉A̶̞͑A̸͝ͅÁ̶̪Ä̸̤́À̸̮A̸̭͂Á̶ͅA̴͔̔A̸̼͌A̴̎͜Ä̸́ͅḀ̶̚Ā̴͙Á̴͓A̴͚̚Ȁ̵̳A̵̪͌H̶̼̊!̶͉͂ ̶̀
(̵̦̂Ỉ̶͖ ̶͎̃C̴͚̉R̶̗̊Ă̸̮V̵̱̋E̸̥͌ ̷̹̈́C̴̜̕H̷̘͑Á̸͓O̵̧̍S̶̲̿!̶͚͌)̷͍̑
Timmy leaves the scene, presumably to cause many problems on purpose.
Meanwhile, Niko is organizing the ingredients in the kitchen after Joker and Penta Axe General had finished their cooking duel. After recounting the ingredients, they found everything to be exactly the same as before.
Phew, everything's fine. I thought all the ingredients would be messed up after that.
We've got more food? Sweet, I'm still kinda hungry.
Hey, Niko. Tonio taught you how to cook, right? Mind givin’ us a small snack?
Hmm… that battle did leave me quite famished.
Now that you mention it, we've been bickering over burgers for quite a while.
A good snack would surely hit the spot!
Oh, um… I don’t really know too much yet, but I can make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!
PB&J sounds nice… I’ll take one.
Make that two, I want some!
Sounds like everyone here wants some, Niko. Mind being our honorary chef for the day?
Can do, Mr. The Third!
Niko heads to the kitchen to get everyone's sandwiches. Tonio comes back to the diner to see Niko making some food for the crowd at the diner. As he watched, he couldn’t help but smile.
Buon lavoro, Niko. I've taught you well.
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