Grief is essential to becoming more self-aware. Based on my research and The Biography of X, I've learned that grief helps you grow as a person because when someone dies, certain parts of your life start to fade away, opening up room for improvement. Grief forces you to rethink your routines, what you believe in, and the way you once lived. In Catherine Lacey's Biography of X, CM. Lucca goes through this process after the death of her spouse, X. Her grief motivated her to write a biography about X. The biography sent her on a long journey of uncovering lies and past choices. Causing her to find out about things she didn't know of while she dated X. As CM uncovers more about who X was, she begins to question her love for X after what she found out, then to her losing herself, to finally accepting her death. The NPR article by Berly McCoy explains how the brain reacts to loss. She writes to the reader that the brain needs time to learn how to live in a world that no longer involves the person you love, which connects to BoX, where CM needs time to learn how to live in the world without X, even after finding out things that she has done in her past life. However, the American Psychological Association warns that some people experience “complicated grief.” Complicated grief causes the human to feel stuck and unable to move forward from the person's death. Identifying that grief doesn’t just change you to be more self-aware but also in ways that could leave you stuck and questioning when things are going to change.

Catherine Lacey shows how we sometimes highlight the parts we overlook more when we grieve than when we don’t. In Biography of X, CM Lucca’s grief after losing her spouse is her motivation to uncover the truth and her identity. When she writes X’s Biography, she doesn’t do it as an act of remembrance but to understand who X was and who CM is after X died. In the novel, CM admits, “I thought I knew her, but grief made me realize how much I ignored” (Lacey 45). Identifying how grief forces CM to face the truths about her partner that she overlooked. My research supports the idea that grief reshapes your identity. Mary-Frances O’Connor explains that “Grieving is a form of learning something that teaches us how to be in the world without someone we love in it” (McCoy, NPR, 2021). This connects to CM and her journey, where she hopes to learn to live in a world without X. The painful truths help her find a deeper sense of self through the process, proving that grief is a transformation that helps people see themselves more clearly.

Grief doesn't only change how people think, but it also challenges what they believe. In Biography of X, CM Lucaa struggles to understand her wife’s death and the secrets that she had. These secrets made it hard to know if X really loved CM or if she was just a part of her art project. When X says that “There was no con, there was no crime. There was only fiction.”(Lacey 168). Force CM to realize that X used her, and now that she's realizing that her grief is not just about X’s death but also about everything she thought was real turned out to be false. Greif completely changes CM from “I ceased to be whoever I thought I was” (Lacey 12). To admit that when X died, she was “searching… for a building I might enter and fall from” (Lacey 7). The reader understands that when X died, something inside of CM died too, and because of the grief it caused her to change her identity entirely. Which connects to  Matthew Kennedy’s article “Non-Christians, Death, and Comforting the Bereaved,” in which he explains that people shouldn’t judge one another based on faith because “only god knows the heart.” (KENNEDY 2024). Which reminds us to be easy on one another because grief takes a lot to manage. Kennedy also writes that grief “reminds us of our dependence on something greater than ourselves.”(Kennedy 2024) Mirroring CM’s struggle to find herself as the TRUTH about X starts to come out. The novel and the article support the idea that grief challenges the things people believe, love, and faith. Which causes people to rebuild their own understanding of the world.

Although grief can lead to growth and self-understanding, it can also lead to being trapped in the pain. The American Psychological Association explains the topic of “complicated grief”, a grief where the sadness remains intense for a longer period of time, making it difficult to move forward. This grief usually keeps people emotionally frozen, making it challenging to accept the loss and rebuild their lives. In the biography of X, CM Lucca shows this pattern of complicating grief, admitting that she “wanted to believe that she still loved her…that the biography was a crucible for my grief… it had shifted into something else, something darker, something I knew to be doomed” (Lacey 205).The words “biography was crucible for my grief.” Identify how CM’s sadness turned into obsession—causing CM to fall deeper into her grief instead of healing. CM isn't just mourning the death of X, but the collapse of everything she thought was true about her relationship. Another time CM shows this pattern is when she admits that she felt “ripped apart and… having trouble coming back together” (Lacey 12). Show how grief shattered CM’s identity and left her emotionally paralyzed. The APA article supports this by noting that complicated grief leads people to “ruminate about the circumstances of the death”, causing people to be trapped in a cycle of pain and not healing.  CM’s determination to uncover X’s past portrays the pattern of how her grief becomes a cycle she can't escape. Writing the biography was CM’s way of coping, but uncovering X’s past became something darker that's keeping her in pain and disbelief. Both the novel and the research show that grief doesn't always lead you to clarity or self-improvement; it could also leave you stuck in the emotions you are trying to escape, and you won't find peace until you face things for how they really are.  

Even though grief can trap people in pain, once they confront the truth is when they would fully be free from the pain and hurt. CM Lucca begins to slowly move forward past her grief of X’s death and starts accepting things the way they are. Towards the end of the novel, CM is reflecting and realizes that “the biography… had shifted into something darker…” (Lacey 172). Which led her to the conclusion: obsessing over X’s secrets won't bring her peace. Later, she admits that she “no longer needed to prove who X was”, pointing out the fact that she is done needing to prove who X is and is going to allow herself to heal. The American Psychological Association states that Healing begins when people “integrate the loss into their lives and find new meaning” (APA 2023). Mary-Frances O’Connor’s research teaches the reader that “grieving is a form of learning – something that teaches us how to be in the world without someone we love in it”(McCoy, NPR, 2021). The reader is shown that CM reflects this process, learning how to live in a world without X, and by accepting the truth instead of resisting it. By the end of the novel, CM understands how to use her grief as a strength; she writes the biography not to escape the pain but to understand it. The novel and these articles prove that grief can be painful, but in the end, it can lead to growth, self-understanding, and peace when you learn to let go.

In conclusion, grief could be a powerful force that reshapes how people see themselves and the world around them. Catherine Lacey points out that CM Lucca's grief becomes both her downfall and uprising. Through the novel, Cm Lucca learns that grief isn’t just about losing someone but about understanding who you are without that person or thing. The APA reminded the reader that grief CAN get “complicated,” causing people to feel stuck in cycles of pain, while Mary-Frances O’COnnor explains that “grieving is a form of learning.” CM reflects both sides of this truth, having her grief trap her, then it teaches her how to live again. I’ve lost my grandma, and I'd say that grief isn’t something that you play around with. When I was grieving, I was sent into many different emotions. I'll say to this day, I'm still trying to deal with her being gone. One thing I've noticed is that no matter what I went through, it forced me to grow and adapt even though she had passed. Together, the novel and research prove that grief is essential to growth – breaking people apart, then having them rebuild stronger, more self-aware, and more at peace than before. From both CM Luccas' story, my research, and my own experience, I’ve learned that grief changes EVERYTHING, forcing us to face this pain, question what is true or not, and to be fully at peace with ourselves and the people around us.