The Conquer and Certitude of Grief 

Did you know that about 27 million Americans go through grief each year? And that's without the number of people who choose not to speak up about it. Grief is something that is bound to happen to everyone, but it doesn't hit everyone the same. Different events cause grief at different levels for people. A death to someone might seem normal or like it's meant to happen, but to other people that's not the case. People can go through so much pain when grieving to the point that they'll kill themselves, or they'll be on the verge of dying. And this is not because they just want to die, but because the pain caused by grief is agonizing. Based on research and the novel The Biography of X by Catherine Lacey, it is 100% true that people going through grief need immediate support from close friends or family members, or they will go through unbearable things that lead to many more problems. 

Firstly, grief is such a big topic that people have created companies, courses, and even go deep into research in order to help others. For instance, The Grief Recovery Method was a group that shared experiences and their research. They created spaces in which people were able to go in and share their issues with grief. They even made a few articles on the topic of grief in which they touch base on the possible outcomes of it. For instance, on their website, it states, “ Search for and connect with one of our Certified Grief Recovery Specialists below: One-on-One Grief Support, Grief Support Group, Helping Children with loss, Pet Loss support Group, and The Grief Recovery Method a 2 ½ Day Personal Workshop” (James 1). James illustrates how big grief truly is. He showed how grief can come in many ways and how different people need different support for it. Even though something that seems small to you can be big to someone else, like the loss of a pet, The Grief Recovery Group is here to help. If grief was truly small, then this group would not have been founded and still would not be continued. Additionally, in the article “Grief and Prolonged Grief Disorder”, it is also mentioned how people can receive help based on resources. Even though the authors didn't directly create some courses for the people, they still touch base on a course that they found through research and “This course provides medical professionals with a deeper understanding of the grief process, including how to identify and support individuals experiencing prolonged grief disorder” (Schoo et al 1). The fact that there are real professionals for this illustrates how deep it is. This further illustrates how grief isn't something that should be overlooked; then there wouldn't be professionals trying to help. This also reveals how people going through grief need immediate help, and that's their reason as to why they create courses, as not everyone has access to close friends and family. 

Secondly, research shows that grief can be dangerous because it contributes to illness and other health-related problems, and that support groups can help people cope with their pain. For instance, in The Grief Recovery Group, they did some research and made articles on how to receive help and the other issues grief leads to. In one of their articles, it states, “ The now-Famous scale details the 43 life events that are most likely to create feelings of grief, and in turn cause illness and other health-related problems” (Friedman 1). The now-famous scale is a list of 43 major life events, and with this, Friedman illustrates how support is important because unresolved grief can contribute to additional health problems such as illnesses, which should be avoided.  If someone is already going through grief, why would you want them to suffer more instead of just helping them out? Additionally, Friedman also mentions how not all “life experiences on the list would logically or be viewed as stressors or grief or loss events” (Friedman 1). This illustrates how grief can result from a wide range of life experiences, even those that are not usually considered losses. Since people may be struggling with grief that might not be a grieving moment for others, close friends and family play an important role in needing to be there for them. Furthermore, Schoo et al also took time to do their research and state some more facts over the process of grief. For instance, in their article, they even mention a whole disorder that comes from grief and is unknown to many people. Schoo et al states, “While grief is a natural and expected emotional response to loss, most people adapt over time. However, some individuals experience persistent, intense grief that interferes with daily functioning and overall well-being” (Schoo et al 1). Schoo supports the idea that people going through grief need support because Schoo explains that some individuals experience grief that's so intense to the point that it disrupts their daily life and health. Which is why it's key for friends and family to be there for them so that their health can actually get better and to avoid another possible death. It was also proven that “ this condition is estimated to affect as many as 7% of bereaved individuals" (Schoo et al 2). In this, Schoo uses the rhetorical device of logos by providing statistics showing that severe grief affects a good portion of people who have experienced loss. The percentage helps readers understand that prolonged grief is a real issue that impacts many individuals. But apart from it containing logos, it also contains ethos because it is using the actual research and evidence to further prove the point that prolonged grief is something serious that shouldn't be taken as a joke. Finally, Kademani applied one of the last touches needed. How grief truly affects the body. For instance, Kademani discusses how grief actually messes with and weakens the immune system. She states, “ At the same time, however, your immune system lowers its antiviral defense system, making your body more vulnerable to viral infections” (Kademani 1). Kademani explains the physical consequences of grief. It touches base on how immediate help is needed because grief can harm not only people's emotions, but also their physical health. If a person's immune system becomes weakened, friends and family can help them manage it so it can come back up. Furthermore, Kademani also states, “ Prolonged grief can be debilitating for some and is associated with more serious health consequences, such as increased risk for cancer and early mortality” (Kademani 1). With this, Kademani strengthens the argument that grief should be taken more seriously by connecting grief to a life-threatening condition. Cancer is something serious that can genuinely lead to someone's death. Kademani also uses the rhetorical device of pathos because mentioning cancer provokes concern and sympathy from people so that they can actually help the people in need. 

Now, even though there is research that supports my claim, many might still disagree. For instance, in Kenneth Doka’s article “Can Grief Be an Impetus to Personal Growth?”, he explains that grief transforms people and can ultimately strengthen them rather than simply cause damage. He states, “ Yet the truth is we can grow” (Doka 1). The word “grow” ultimately suggests how grief can lead to development and improvement rather than just ruin us. He also uses the rhetorical device of pathos in this because it serves as a hopeful message that encourages readers to feel optimistic about being able to overcome grief and actually becoming better in a way. Doka states how this is the “truth” rather than grief just affecting us. And how “ We can choose to grow up or grow down” (Doka 1). With this, Doka reveals how the outcome we have from grief is based on us. That the people are the ones who can manipulate whether we grow from grief or if we let it bring us down and ruin us. He emphasizes how grief doesn't automatically just lead to negative consequences. Furthermore, Doka explains that “This growth can be experienced in a number of ways. We can emerge with a greater appreciation of life. Realizing how fleeting life can be, we can have an increased appreciation for the relationships we have” (Doka 2). Doka reveals that grief can help people value their lives and relationships more deeply, proving that loss can lead to positive growth rather than only traumatic things. And how it's not just that. There are many positive outcomes that come from grief that people just seem to overlook and forget about, further proving his point that negative outcomes aren't the only outcomes. 

Lastly, the author Catherine Lacey writes a whole novel called The Biography of X in which the main character goes through a lot of grief, and it truly affects her, her health, and her actions. For instance,  the main character, C.M, is grieving over the loss of her wife, and she chooses to learn about her past as a coping mechanism. For instance, C.M states, “ I missed her terribly, and that the biography was a crucible for my grief, but already it had shifted into something else, something darker, something I knew to be doomed” (Lacey 214).  Lacey reveals how grief can lead to something more harmful to the body. The phrase “something darker” reveals how her sadness developed into something more, such as an obsession, and the word “doomed” shows how hopeless she feels after all the grief. Revealing how, instead of C.M writing the biography, grieving alone, she shoukdve seeked for help from other people. Now even though C. M showed a lot of grief throughout the book, she wasn't the only one. Lacey states, “After the wall fell, Zebulon tried to find his biological grandmother, but the asylum where he thought she’d lived had burned down in 1993, and he wasn't able to find any records of her elsewhere. When I asked him why he was telling me all this now, he told me he'd come up with the theory, A philosophy about life. ‘I think everybody reaches the point when there's no way forward” (Lacey 231). Zebulon was grieving so much over his grandmother to the point that he just decided to give up because of how much pain it caused. The phrase, “I think everybody reaches the point when there's no way forward,” suggests how this feeling of grief can also lead to this feeling of defeat and hopelessness. Instead of fighting and continuing to look, he just decided to give up due to the pain. Furthermore, grief also leads to that feeling of being in denial. People go through so much unbearable pain that they try to isolate themselves and try to deny things so that they can feel better. C.M made the mistake of calling X “ my wife? Had I said the word love? Why had I even needed to say anything about her? Why did I find myself returning and returning to memories of this woman who, I knew by then, had betrayed me, had lied to me, had seen me as less than her, something to be controlled, explained, she? I begin to cry and try to sniffle it. Don't let him know. Don't let on that you loved her.” (Lacey 234). Through the repetition of “Dont let, ” Lacey emphasizes C.M’s denial of her feelings. Although she is clearly grieving, she tries to hide her emotions and reject the reality so that she can maybe forget everything and feel better. Revealing how grief can cause people to suppress their pain instead of process it and truly seek help so that they can get better. 

In conclusion, grief isn't a simple emotional experience,  but a powerful force that can deeply affect a person's mental, physical, and emotional well-being, which was shown in research and The Biography of X by Catherine Lacey. Individuals experiencing grief may be a bit hard to identify, as they tend to isolate themselves and hide the truth, but they need immediate support from friends, family, or professionals in order to prevent many other horrible outcomes. While grief can sometimes lead to some growth, as Kenneth Doka suggests, the evidence overall just shows that without support it can easily lead to the negative outcome rather than the positive ones. Ultimately, grief is a big topic that people experience every day that shouldn't be ignored or normalized.