Struggling To Live After Your Loss

Imagine spending years of your life with a pathological liar that you really thought was a thorough and good person. In most cases this would make you feel as if you were dumb or it could cause you to feel like you should've known. But, when that person dies under your love you will begin to feel grief, an uncontrollable amount which is what happens to C.M. Lucca in Biography of X. Biography of X is a first person text written by Catherine Lacey that describes the life of C.M. Lucca after her fiance X dies. Based on what you have already “heard” , the first inference is that X is a bad person in which she is but, she completely had C.M. Lucca manipulated under her tricks. Lucca always wondered why X would never speak about her past and when X dies Lucca does some digging on that. She figures out that X had multiple personas and she would consistently switch her identity. She would also move around the world harming people and leaving people in messed up situations. But little did Lucca know that the entire time that she and X were together, X was doing this exact same thing to her. But obviously she couldn’t see it because X was very discrete about the ways she did things. In the end, this ended up really affecting Lucca and the book ends leaving Lucca stuck on what to do next and alone. This is what causes Lucca to write a biography on X. The truth of grief is that it leaves people in situations where they feel as if they don’t know what to do next which can lead to needing a coping mechanism, and feeling as if you can’t live without the presence of your loss.

Lacey uses X’s actions to portray how Lucca’s grief develops over the course of the text. As Lucca discovers more things about X she obviously begins to feel these new emotions and begins to question herself on if she was crazy for ever being with X. She even second guessed on ”Had I called her my wife? Had I said the word love?” (Lacey 233).  The words,” Had I called her my wife” , reveal that when Lucca begins to second guess her love for X, a person who she was with for a long time, readers begin to see how the grief can build up and become even worse than it already was. I mean just imagine if you're with someone and they die in relation to you, you would already be hurt enough. But then, to find out they were with 10 different people behind your back just flips the whole scene and makes you truly believe who was I just with. Secondly, Lucca continues having these negative feelings and negative thoughts about her love with X, and even ends up describing X as ”Just a dead woman I thought I knew”  (Lacey 348). The phrase,”I thought I knew,” describes that Lucca believes that she doesn't even know who X is anymore due to all the different things she has found out about X. Also it identifies that Lucca is no longer trying to believe that she knew who X was and she is beginning to accept the fact that X manipulated her the whole time they were together. Lucca should have just simply let X rest in peace and let herself grieve because by going and interviewing all these people all she did was hurt herself more. She could have just lived believing that one of X’s personas was the way that X acted with everyone. This also presents the theme that sometimes the truth hurts although it may give you more closure. It gets even worse when Lucca realizes that going around interviewing people was what helped her cope and she knew that this would soon turn into something she would not be able to stop anytime soon (Lacey 214). So Lucca being curious about X’s past isn't a bad thing but, she should’ve realized  when she was finding out that X only cared about herself to also focus on herself and not gotten herself into deeper grief by learning more, and more about the different things X did daily. It would’ve also been better for her if she had other things to cope with besides the biography because it would constantly keep her on the topic. This proves the importance of having a good coping mechanism and not one that will continue affecting your grief. Lastly, Lacey finally realizes that her trip on studying X’s past was pointless. She also mentions that the biography was not worth it and it was a ”wrong turn taken and followed” (20).The phrase, ”wrong turn”, portrays Lucca’s denial and grief. She sacrificed her mental health and time by going out to interview these people just to believe after all of it that it isn’t worth it? At least she realized that X was not a person that deserved all of that investigating. Lacey wants readers to take away that letting others manipulate you can cost you negative feelings in the long run.

Grief forces people to search for their own coping mechanism and requires them to have an effective one to keep living a good everyday life. Firstly, Lucca realizes she needed a coping mechanism to deal with X’s death. She realizes as she writes the biography more and more that it is ”crucial for her grief” (214). The word, ”crucial” , proves the necessity of the biography in Lucca’s life after X dies and validates the biography being a coping mechanism. If she had a different coping mechanism she wouldn’t be so invested in interviewing people and in writing the biography. This also brings up the theme of having an effective coping mechanism because it may keep her from doing worse things. This type of coping puts her mental health on the line. Next, you can cope in many different ways to deal with your grief and the best way to potentially have the best results is social coping. According to Emad Algorini, a student at Yarmouk University , social coping is a good form of coping because, "an individual reduces stress by seeking emotional or instrumental support from their community” (Algorini). The word, ”seeking” , demonstrates how a person wants to get better and just having the thought of this could make your everyday life a lot easier. This means you would still be addressing your problem while also having fun with your friends or community. Overall, it also proves that if Lucca would’ve picked a better mechanism she potentially wouldn’t have felt so stranded at the end of Biography Of X. Thirdly, Lucy Hone A best selling author and adjunct fellow at the University Of Canterbury, finds another good point on how you should go by things. You should, ”find ways to keep them present in your world; to honor them and hold them close, while still allowing you to function out there” (Hone). This again factors that if you don’t cope properly you won’t be able to function in the real world and again also brings up the fact of why you need a good coping mechanism. The phrase, ”to honor them” , portrays that if you do good in the real world you can still honor your loss, but in order to do that you need to find ways to cope without them. In summation, having a good coping mechanism will separate yourself from others who are going through grief and that is what will overall have the biggest impact on your life after the loss. 

However, some people may claim that grief does not strand a person and leave them searching for their purpose because you can just move on by talking to people and taking your mind off things or by doing things on your own. Hone states in her article that it is important to, ”move on, and leave them behind completely; if anything, grieving is about learning to love them in separation” (Hone). The words, ”move on” , convey Hone’s overall argument on how to deal with your grief and why it is important to do so. She has a good point: if you move on and try to live your life without thinking about your loss as much, you may be able to live easier. Next, Lucy also argues that people should take their time while grieving and not believe that they are in denial. Instead, they should not,”be pressured by other people’s timelines; go at your own pace” (Hone). The words, ”go at your own pace”, summarizes that Hone wants people to grieve without thinking about their loss too much and although there may be people trying to help, she reminds readers that they don’t have to use it. It’s a good way to go by things due to it helping you live your life on your own after your loss and not having to rely on others as much. Overall, Lucy Hone describes multiple ways that readers can go by their grief, which gives people a variety of ways to grieve. However, I believe that my overall argument is stronger because it aims to help all people with grief and explains how grief leaves people when they don’t know how to use these mechanisms. For example, in an article from the US Department of Veteran Affairs  uncovered, “a 35-year study found that for some, grief fades only gradually, after many years have passed. Reflective thoughts and memories happen less frequently over time, but they may not stop completely”(USDOVA) The words, “35 year study” , prove that people who sometimes grieve for half their life and obviously me and Hone both don’t want that but, Hone’s advice seems like the advice that makes people isolate themselves. In these situations, you shouldn’t do that because it will just make you lose more in the long run. If you're gonna grieve for half your life at least don’t do it alone. After all, Hone’s a trustworthy source if you believe in doing things on your own, but you shouldn’t believe it's always the way to go by things since it can make you lose a lot. 

Research around grief portrays that grief leaves people on an island seeking for their way to live life after their loss. Firstly, after Lucca finishes interviewing people and she is getting ready to publish the book, she realizes that she’s been ”alone all these years and Yet she wants nothing more than to be alone” (Lacey 364). The word, ”alone” , describes that C.M. Lucca's grief of X makes her want to be completely isolated and this is a problem because now it’ll be hard for her to live a healthy life. This also conveys the theme that trying to grieve alone could potentially make you lose a lot of things in the long run. She should’ve just left X’s death in peace. Next, Lisa Shulgan, the director of University Of Maryland’s Parkinson’s Disease and Movement’s disorder center discovers,”grief can disrupt the diverse cognitive domains of memory, decision-making, visuospatial function, attention, word fluency, and the speed of information processing“ (Shulgan). The words, ”grief can disrupt” , supply the fact that people with grief can have difficulty doing lots of things. It also conveys that since grief impacts decision making, it can cause people to be blinded and do things to stay close to their grief, overall giving them more impact. This could explain things like why Lucca continues interviewing people even though she knows it negatively impacts her grief. Lastly, Shulgan also describes her overall argument that, ”If we don’t work through the traumatic experiences that we have, they will continue to be an obstacle in our lives“ (Shulgan) The words, “If we don’t work through“ , suggest that letting our grief build up and not doing anything about it will only hurt more in the long run. It also explains why grief could leave people on an island because if people isolate themselves like Lucca and let grief stack up, it will continue to be an “Obstacle“. It also explains the fact of why grief could potentially last for a long period of time. Overall, not dealing with your grief will make you have it for a longer period of time. 

To summarize, the overall truth about grief is that it will leave you searching for the proper coping mechanism and if you can’t find one your grief will continue for longer. Coping mechanisms are essential for dealing with your grief and you need an effective coping mechanism to be able to live your everyday life after your loss. The good thing is that there are many different ways to cope, which at least gives people a good variety of different pathways. A bad example of this is C.M. Lucca. Ultimately, she ends up on the negative side of grief due to her picking the wrong coping mechanism and not being able to let go of her loss. In summation, readers should take away not let a really bad moment in their lives affect who they are for the rest of their lives.