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Deleted Chapter 1
Deleted Chapter 1
America & May
Instead of going back into my room, I went into May’s. We used to share a room until Kenna got married. I sort of missed us being together at night. There was something comforting about the sound of her steady breathing next to me. She missed it, too, and some nights she came crawling into my room. Tonight I decided I should beat her to the punch.
“You awake?” I whispered as I opened her door.
“Of course!” Her whisper was full of enthusiasm. I knew what she’d want to talk about.
She and I were both in the habit of only using the sheets in the summer time. Her window was cracked to let a tiny breeze in.
“Don’t forget to close that before you fall asleep,” I reminded.
“I won’t,” she half whined. May was at the age where every request felt like being bossed around. I snuggled in beside her. It was comfortable in spite of the heat. “America, why don’t you want to be in The Selection?”
She didn’t mean it the way Mom did. May wasn’t offended by my choice, just curious. If we had only been born in one another’s places…
“May, I just don’t want to be a princess.”
“Everyone wants to be a princess.”
“Not me. I know it sounds nice, but think of all the pressure. People would always be looking at you and tearing you apart if you make a mistake. And then think about how the rebels go after the Royal Family. Would you want that to be you? It’s scarier than it seems.”
May thought a moment. “But I bet none of that would bother you if you were in love with Prince Maxon. I bet you wouldn’t worry about anything then.”
Yes, love was the critical factor in this scenario. “But I don’t love Prince Maxon. At all.”
“Well not yet! But you haven’t met him. I bet he’s wonderful. He’s so handsome.”
“May!”
“Well he is! His eyes are just so…” She sighed.
“May, you have got to stop drooling over every boy you see. Dad hates it.”
“Dad’s just a grump these days. Besides, I’m only looking.”
I rolled my eyes, but it was too dark for her to know. I wanted to change the subject, but really, what else was there to talk about? This would be the biggest thing that happened to Illeá in almost thirty years. Well, to the younger set at least.
“Don’t you think anyone’s handsome, America?”
I sighed. “Sure I do. I just don’t go around making goo goo eyes at guys just because they look nice.”
“You should. It’s fun!”
“May! Come on. You have got to be kidding me?”
She just laughed and laughed in the dark. My baby sister encouraging me to be a flirt! What was the world coming to? It took a minute for her to calm down, but when she did she got very serious.
“Have you ever been in love?”
I coughed.
“Have you?” she pressed.
“Of course. I’m crazy for you. Madly in love. I don’t think I could live without you, which is why I refuse to ship myself off to some palace.”
“You’re so ridiculous!” she cried.
“Have you ever been in love, you little mush monkey?” I asked.
“Oh, all the time!”
I had to stuff my fist into my mouth. I couldn’t help the laugh. While I worried for her, I liked May’s version of love. It seemed easy.
We spoke on an off for almost an hour. It was mostly her speculating how beautiful the rooms at the palace would be and how yummy all the food would be. The words became scattered. Then short. And then we didn’t talk for a while at all, though we were both awake. Then May yawned one big time, and I knew she was fading. But she spoke one last time.
“America?”
“Yeah?”
“Just think of all the things you could do if you were Queen…”
I heard the wonder in her voice. As if I’d be some amazing ruler. In reality, I could barely form coherent sentences and wasn’t always clear on what was right or wrong. I was opinionated enough, but that didn’t mean much.
Within minutes I could tell May was asleep from her steady breaths. I snuck out from her embrace and closed the window as I left. It was still early, all things considered. I sat awake on my bed for a long time. It was easy now that May had planted that tiny little seed in my head.
All the things you could do…
Deleted Chapter 7
Deleted Chapter 7
America & Mrs. Leger
(This scene was America’s outfit for her sendoff being hemmed because, of course, she insisted on wearing flats. It briefly mentions America’s conduit by name: Mitsy.)
There was more fussing and fidgeting and ten minutes later Mrs. Leger walked in with her sewing basket. Her eyes were full of tears while she worked, so it took longer than planned. And when she cried, I cried. And when I cried, Mom cried. And Mitsy cried a little, too, until her sunny disposition couldn’t handle it anymore.
“Mrs. Singer, we should talk about security for the rest of your family. Where are your two younger children?” And they left to find May and Gerad, leaving me along with Mrs. Leger.
“I’m so proud of you, America. I’ve watched you grow up, and you’ve turned into such a beautiful young lady. I’d be proud to have you be my queen.”
“Oh, stop. I’m not going to be anyone’s queen. I’ll just do my duty and come back to you all. I’ll bet I’m home long before Christmas. And we’ll have our party two days late as always, and play our silly games, and it’ll be just like it always has been.” I was trying to convince myself more than her.
It took a few more minutes for her to get enough stitches in so she’d be able to take them home and sew them up properly. I took them off and slipped into my old jeans.
“I’ll bring these back later tonight; it’s a fairly easy job.” She smiled at me. The tears in her eyes were heavy again, but she wasn’t exactly crying. “Can I tell you a little secret, America?”
“Of course. Anything.” My lip was trembling, all the emotions I’d felt over the last few weeks finally bubbling up under the pressure.
She took my hands in hers and came in very close. I felt it there in her hands what I’d never felt in my mother’s: complete acceptance.
“I’m as happy for you as I would be for my own daughters. But I’m a little sad, because I’d been imagining for a while that I would get to call you my daughter one day. It’s hard to give you up, even to a queen.”
She knew!
“How? How long?” I was floored.
“You’re better at keeping secrets than he is. He couldn’t help but talk about you. And, though I could be wrong, I suspect it ended before you were chosen.”
“It did,” I breathed.
“I see. Well, I have a little peace then, knowing he just didn’t quit, that it’s not that he wasn’t brave enough to wait.”
“I want to tell you so much, but I just… I can’t.”
“No dear, they’ll hear. It’s ok. I just want you to know that I love you, and I’m proud of you. You do what you need to do, and you take care of yourself and your family.”
“America!” Mom called.
“Coming!” I yelled out the door, then turned back to Mrs. Leger. “Thank you. For everything.”
She nodded once and was on her way.
Deleted Chapter 8
Deleted Chapter 8
America on the Platform
(This was meant to be the place where all the castes were outlined, but we realized if we dropped hints about people in other places, like in line to drop off the forms, we didn’t need this big chunk of an explanation.)
The looks on peoples’ faces drew lines down the castes. Ones were the royal family and all religious figures. The pastors and priests didn’t have tons of money, but they were respected, as they should be. Twos were all those who served in the army, earning a place of honor, and celebrities. After the horrible wars that destroyed what used to be the United States, the first thing people wanted was a distraction. Now the sons and daughters of the old pop musicians and movie stars were the remaining big names. Since women didn’t really marry down, this meant they married a lot of athletes and other big names, and it looked like a big mess up there. What’s worse is that I could be trained in classical music, to play an instrument or sing, but if you don’t have the body to play basket ball, then you just don’t. But you’re up there. So you have to perform. It was kind of embarrassing to watch, not to mention how terrible some shows and movies were now with their crappy actors.
Threes were the intellectuals, the great minds, the inventors, writers, and teachers. They were the ones who thought up the ways to get our country going again and had been generously supported by the new monarchy. I wondered where I fit in that group, since I was in the club now. Fours were the merchants and farmers. They sold the products the Threes dreamed up, owned shops and such. Even the vendors in the square were considered Fours. It was no small thing to own your own shop or show room.
Fives, my natural caste, were the lower entertainers. Artists, classical musicians, stage actors, and even the occasional clown. Sometimes, to have my musical abilities, which no one could deny were outstanding, compared to a person who shaped balloons into animals was infuriating. Sixes, like Aspen, were domestics. They did indoor work and paperwork for the upper castes. No one below them would need it. Aspen went to clean and help with inventory at Kota’s once a month. Basically, they were secretaries and maids.
Sevens did manual labor. Trash collectors, ditch diggers, movers, they were all Sevens. I couldn’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be a girl my age in that situation. And Eights were Untouchables. People who had been abandoned or orphaned with no way to prove their caste. And then people who fell into heavy drug use, the mentally and physically handicapped, they were all unemployable and left on the streets to beg. They always broke my heart. So many of these people were left for reasons that ought to have secured our compassion for them.
Deleted Chapter 9
Deleted Chapter 9
America & Juliet
I dropped my head for a moment and saw a little girl pressed up against the railing. She couldn’t have been more than twelve years old. In her hands was a sign that said “Redheads Rule!” with a little crown painted in the corner and tiny stars everywhere. I knew I was the only redhead in the competition, and I noticed that her hair and mine were very nearly the same shade.
She caught me reading her sign. Our eyes met, and I found myself walking away from the others and right towards her. A guard stepped between us. I gave him a very serious look, and he cautiously backed away but only slightly.
“What’s your name?” I asked her.
“Juliet.” Her voice was quiet, but I could tell it wasn’t because of timidity.
“I like your sign, Juliet.”
“I made it myself!” There was pride in every inch of her features.
“Well, it’s amazing.”
“Would you sign it for me?” The hope in her face was undeniable.
“Of course.” Juliet provided me with a marker, and I scribbled my name in the corner across the crown.
“I can’t wait to show this to everyone at school!”
School? So she was at least a Six. I was suddenly even more endeared to her.
“Listen, Juliet, I might not be queen, you know? I don’t know what’s going to happen. But don’t let anyone ever tell you you can’t do something you really want to or be something special. You’re a redhead, so I know you’re no quitter. Don’t ever give up on something you really want.”
Juliet nodded her head, but I could tell she seemed a little confused by my sudden passion. Right above her a woman who was unmistakably Juliet’s mother had tears in her eyes mouthed the words “thank you.”
Deleted Chapter 14
Deleted Chapter 14
Maxon & America
(On one of the Reports, America mentions joking about the pet name Maxon wanted his wife to call him, but never says what it is. It got cut, along with some other traits of Maxon. As I got to know him and his family, I realized some of this wouldn’t happen. First, no pets, and second, only one hobby. Maxon was under a lot of pressure to start focusing on his future as king.)
“What about your parents?” he pressed.
“What about your parents?” I replied.
“You know my parents.”
“No I don’t! I know the public image of them. What are they really like?” I pulled on his arm, which was quite a feat. Maxon’s arms were huge. Even beneath the layers of his suit, I could feel the strong, steady muscles there. Maxon sighed, but I could tell I didn’t really exasperate him at all. He seemed to like having someone pester him. It must be sad to grow up in this place without any siblings.
“My mom is, quite possibly, the most wonderful creature on the planet. She’s generous and good. I admire her in a thousand ways. She’s very good at resolving conflicts, and she knows how to calm down my dad. She’s just a very soothing person. And she’s always trying to get me to better myself. I owe so much of who I am to her.”
There was no denying the admiration in Maxon’s voice. I loved my parents, but I don’t think I had that degree of reverence for either of them.
“My dad, he’s a workhorse. He really cares about the country, and he wants it to work. So he spends most of his time planning and speaking and all that. I don’t remember the last time he took a vacation and spent time with just mom and me.” He squinted his eyes like he was looking backwards through time, trying to find a moment where just the three of them existed.
“I’m sorry, Maxon.” He smiled when I said his name. Then I realized I should have called him ‘Your Majesty’. Oops.
“It’s alright. Now that I’m old enough, we’re doing more together. He’s teaching me, getting me ready to lead. I hope I don’t let him down. I hope I don’t let anyone down.” He was quiet for a moment. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.” I meant it.
“It’s a little overwhelming. I mean, I’m twenty-three years old, I’ve been sheltered all my life, and all of the sudden I’ve got to pick out a wife and learn to rule a very young and unstable country. It’s a bit terrifying.”
“Which is scarier: the wife or the job?” I asked with a laugh. Maxon joined in.
“Well, at least I’ll have help running the country. I’ve got to pick the girl on my own.” He did look a little frantic around his eyes.
“Do you want help? I do spend more time with the girls than you do.”
“Ha! I suppose you do. Sure then, tell me something. Something I can use, too.”
I looked around to make sure no one could hear us. There were guards out now that it was dark. They all seemed on edge. We were breaking rules it seemed, and that made me happy. They weren’t close enough to hear if I whispered, so I leaned into Maxon’s ear.
This time last week, the idea of being this close to him would have enraged me.
“Steer clear of Celeste and Bariel. They’re beautiful, I know, but they both care more about the position than they do about you. Be careful.”
“Celeste? Really! She seems so nice.”
“Of course she does. She really wants it. But I’ve seen her talk to the other girls. Trust me, she’s worse than she seems. It’s only been a few days, so she’s probably doing just fine. But venom like that… you can’t hide that forever.”
“Would it offend you if I let her stay?” He looked a little nervous. Afraid that he’d have to let her go before he really knew her.
“No. Of course not. It’s a very serious decision, and no one should make it for you. But if you ever ask my honest opinion of a girl, I will always give it to you. And I’ll let you decide what you do with that. The thing is, Maxon, you can’t live other people’s lives for them. And yours is so full, I don’t think I’d even want to try. But I’ll be honest with you.”
“Thank you, America. I can’t tell you how refreshing that is.”
We walked in silence for a little while. These quite moments didn’t feel strained. I kind of liked them as much as the talking.
“I’m sorry I called you Maxon. I just forgot. Gosh, if Silvia heard me, I bet I’d get an earful.”
“Ha! Maybe worse with Silvia. She’s been around here forever. She’s the one who trained me.” That seemed funny. The idea of Maxon being taught table manners like me, as if he wasn’t born with it all already, was strange. “But, how about we make that part of the deal? Whenever we’re alone, you can call me Maxon.”
“Really?”
“Of course. It’s nice.”
“Well won’t these other girls call you Maxon, too? What will your wife call you then?”
“Hopefully, she’ll call me My Beloved Rock God Maxon.”
I doubled over, I was laughing so hard.
“Rock God?” I choked out.
“For all you know, I am. I’m not too terrible on a guitar, thank you very much. Of course, my tutors prefer that I play classical music.”
“That’s so funny! Sorry. Just caught me off guard there.”
“I’ll have to do it more often. I like your laugh.”
“Wait! You said this was part of the deal. What do you want in exchange?” I pulled my hands from around his arm. If we were striking a deal then I had to look official.
“Well, I want to call you something, too. Are you still opposed to being My Dear?”
“Yes! Very!” I folded my arms, but that only made him laugh.
“Ok, let’s see then. What’s a good nickname for you? America is quite a mouthful.” He thought a moment. “What about Amy?”
“Aren’t you paying attention at all? There’s already an Amy here,” I scolded.
“Drat! You have to give me a break. There’s only one of me and a gaggle of you.” It was too dark to tell if he was blushing, but he did look embarrassed.
“I know everyone’s names.”
“Of course you do.” His tone implied that he wasn’t surprised in the least. “Ok then. How about Mer?”
It hit me like a fist. Like the ‘No’ in the tree house had. It felt like a physical punch in the stomach to hear that endearment.
“No. Not that.” My voice was cold, almost empty.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?” Maxon looked terrified. He definitely needed this competition to get a woman. He’d be hopeless on his own.
He had been so honest with me; I chose to be honest with him.
“He used to call me that. Please don’t…”
“Oh. I’m sorry. Of course not. You have my word.”
We both stood there, uncomfortable now. He was trying to be playful, but touched on the one subject that left us both feeling awkward. I had to wonder again what I was doing here. And he had to be thinking the same thing.
With all the work he had to do, how many girls here were dying for his affection and attention, he didn’t have time to waste with me. I could just imagine the disappointment as he’d missed dinner with them all tonight in favor of learning about me — the one girl that didn’t matter.
“You know, I bet it would make everyone happy if you showed up for dessert. They’d probably be relieved to see you.”
He sighed, aware I was ending our evening together. “You’re probably right. Thank you very much for you company this evening.” He bowed to me.
I curtseyed and said “Your Majesty.” Without meeting his eyes, I rose to leave. I only managed to get a few steps.
“America,” he called.
I stopped a turned. I was absolutely sure I’d pushed his kindness too far. I was about to go home.
“It’s Maxon, if you don’t mind.” He smiled.
I smiled. I surprised myself with how happy I was to still have his friendship.
“Goodnight, Maxon,” I said and went up to my room.
Deleted Scene
Deleted Scene
AUTHOR NOTE
While in the final version of The Elite, America places the blame for Marlee’s beating squarely on Maxon, in the original, there were other issues pinned on him as well. She was drugged and her personal belongings were taken away. We later find out this was all the king’s doing, but America spends almost all of the book enraged with Maxon.
This scene took place right after America speaks with Kriss, and I really liked the way she acknowledged her mistakes here, even if it was a bit too dramatic. It also shows a tiny piece of a guard who was cut from the book, Officer Paves. He was having romantic issues of his own, and he shared them from time to time with America.
***
What had I done?
Everything was just a mess. Why did I feel so funny about Maxon and Kriss when I knew that he was wrong for me? Shouldn’t I be doing everything in my power to help her? Elise might be a fine option, if a boring one, but Natalie or Celeste would be a disaster on the throne. I should be encouraging this… but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
Could I still care about Maxon after everything he’d done? What kind of person did that make me? I felt like I suddenly understood Aspen’s actions that last time in the tree house. He let me go because of his stupid pride, but when you were a Five or Six or Seven, that was all you had. He could let me go and still love me. Was that what I did with Maxon?
I couldn’t let him have that power over me if only for the sake of holding my own. I would not be a girl who yielded to someone like that. He couldn’t hurt my friends and order me around and take my things and then not be held accountable for it.
Still.
Maybe this was why everything with Aspen felt so funny. When he talked about marrying me with such enthusiasm, assuring me that I was the only one for him ever, it felt strange somehow. He said he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else… and I already had. I’d imagined it so clearly that I’d all but abandoned him.
I felt guilty. I’d told myself I was staying in the Selection for me, so that I could make my own choice about something for once. The truth was I was sitting here trying to pull my heart in two directions and disappointing everyone involved.
I’d kissed Aspen in the rooms of the palace and kept it a secret from Maxon. I’d prepared myself from a proposal from Maxon and left Aspen in the dark. I’d gone about everything so wrong.
I concentrated on slowing my tears and with some effort, I did. I wiped my face on my dress, pulling myself up a bit so I could think.
I tried to put everything I knew for sure out in front of me, but as I searched through everything, the only detail I knew was true with any kind of certainty was that Aspen loved me.
I knew that Aspen deeply, fiercely, and inconveniently loved me. It’s the best kind of love to feel and almost always the hardest to give. And I had it in abundance.
I wasn’t sure of Maxon anymore. There was the person who gave me presents and showed me endless patience and affection and then the person who was forceful and selfish and I didn’t understand. Maybe he was a mixture of these two people, but I couldn’t be sure. If he worked so hard to be nice at the start, then this demon who was surfacing now was probably who he really was, this monster that he couldn’t hide anymore. But, really, how could I know?
I didn’t know Maxon. I felt like I barely knew myself.
But I knew Aspen. He was safe and steady. If I asked him to, he would be my rock. He’d shelter me from everything. Aspen would spend the rest of his life proving that he deserved me, even if I told him he’d always been good enough. It struck me that maybe that was what all this talk about a church wedding and a big house was: a way for him to prove I wouldn’t miss anything I was giving up by leaving the palace.
Of course, I would need to tell him just how close I was with Maxon. He’d have to have the chance to reject me, or I’d never feel right about it.
So that was it then.
I’d met Maxon in such a grand way that it was sure to leave an impression on me. The same way I didn’t want to let go of Aspen when I came to the palace, I’d have a hard time letting go of Maxon when I left it. And they’d both hurt me in their own ways, but Aspen was clearly the better choice for me, the safer choice.
That was all there was. When Maxon came home, I’d approach him in an entirely new way. I’d be calm, polite, and distant. I’d explain that I was ready to go, and I’d wish him luck with Kriss. If I was kind, maybe he’s stop punishing me and just let me go. If not, I’d just ride it out, seeing Aspen as often as I could until I was free from this place.
I exhaled slowly and stood, brushing the dirt and debris from my dress. I turned to the guard and said, “I’m ready to go back now.” Then I understood why this stranger was so patient with me.
It was Officer Paves. He walked over to me tentatively, not wanting to be rude.
“You alright, miss? It ain’t right for a lady to cry so much.” He looked genuinely concerned for me. I wished I had a way to repay his kindness.
I nodded. “I’m fine, thank you. Hopefully, I won’t ever need to cry like that again.”
The Maid
The Maid
Lucy POV
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” I whispered to Aspen, my words barely audible over the hum of the airplane. Suddenly he’d become this unattainable thing again. I could list the ages and quirks of all his siblings, tell the story behind the long scar on his arm, and explain in detail how badly he missed his father. But now that I knew the truth, all of that felt false. Despite three weeks of marathon conversations and hidden kisses, it was almost as if I didn’t know him at all.
I fiddled with a patch of my uniform. After the pretty dresses I’d worn in the Singers’ home — even my lady’s old clothes — it felt too rough now. Always pressed, always starched, no room to play or dance or barely even hug. Just one more cage.
“I was afraid of putting you in an awkward position.” I could tell there was more he wanted to say. He was usually so confident. It was one of the many things that drew me to him — and one of our most striking differences. In most ways, I thought we were similar. Devoted almost to a fault; the type who others might underestimate because we took our time forming our thoughts; the type who kept parts of themselves tucked in the dark. But he was self-assured. Gutsy. A risk-taker. I wanted to be as brave as he was.
As brave as Lady America.
His first love?
I risked a peek at his face and could read the disappointment. “Falling for you was the last thing I expected to happen,” he said. “And I’ve already lost someone special to me once.”
I looked down the aisle. I could see only a piece of my lady’s hair and her finger worrying it into a figure eight over and over.
Special to me.
I turned back to him as he continued.
“I didn’t think you’d want to be with me if you knew the last girl I cared about was the same one you dressed every morning.”
Tears bit at my eyes, but I fought them. I’d beaten them so many times lately. I had Aspen to thank for that.
“I told you everything,” I breathed, still pushing at the ache. “It was terrifying to let you know how close I’d been to happiness before, how broken I’ve been in the palace, how wanting you has ruined my relationships with Anne and Mary.”
“They have nothing to do with you and me,” he countered quickly.
“They have everything to do with us. And so does she,” I added, nodding toward Lady America. “So does your family and the prince and my father. Because we live our lives with them, Aspen. You can’t have a relationship in a bubble. It won’t survive.”
Aspen blinked a few times, like this hit him somewhere in the farthest corners of himself. He shook his head.
“You’re right. And that’s why you have to know: no matter how badly I wanted it to work at the time, that relationship wouldn’t have lasted. It never saw the light of day.”
“Neither has ours.” I sighed, refusing to look away. He and I needed to own up to what we were and everything we had built—and how quickly it was crumbling.
“I thought that was for the best. At first, anyway. But I don’t want it to stay that way.”
I was so tired of excuses. They seemed to fall on me from everywhere. You can’t be in love because of your caste. You can’t keep your mother because she is sick. You can’t feel safe because even the palace isn’t enough to protect you. Foolish reason after foolish reason building a wall between me and a life with any sort of joy.
“What can I do, Lucy?” he quietly begged. “Tell me what you want.”
I turned to him. “The truth.”
Aspen sat up, bracing himself. I didn’t know if there was a particular question he was afraid to hear, but I began with the one I was most scared to ask. “Do you still love her?”
He started shaking his head almost instantly, but I stopped him.
“Don’t tell me what you think I need to hear. Don’t try to protect me. Tell me everything—”
A guard poked his head up from his seat a few rows back, and I quieted myself again, looking at Aspen and waiting.
He swallowed. “I think a part of me always will. I can’t shake the urge to fight for her, to rescue her. I don’t know if it’s romantic love, but I know it’s there. And I know that when the prince marries her, which I’m sure he will now, I won’t take it well. Because it’s hard to watch something you wanted disappear.”
I dropped my head. Of course.
“But I also know,” he continued, “that if she wanted to be with me again, I’d spend every day looking back at this moment and wondering ‘what if?’ about you. It took years for her to have that effect on me. It took weeks for you.”
I felt my cheeks turning pink. I wanted so badly to believe that I’d bound myself as tightly to him as he had to me.
“Would she try to? Would she ask you back?” At her home, Lady America had yelled that her relationship with Aspen was in the past. But if that was true, why did they both seem so on edge about it?
He considered. “No. She’s going to marry the prince.”
I leaned over. “That’s His Majesty’s choice, not hers. You’re assuming Prince Maxon is going to ask. What if he doesn’t? Would she want you then? Does she have a reason to believe you’ll be waiting?”
I could tell by the look in his eyes he didn’t want to answer me. Finally, he nodded.
I pulled back, pressing myself into the seat. Anne was right. I aimed too high.
“Lucy,” he pleaded. “Lucy, look at me.”
His voice was tender, full of our secrets. It implored me not to let go. And I felt all of it. The way he made me laugh and the sensation of his fingers tickling my cheeks. The honey and gravel sound of his voice in my ear and the quick winks he snuck me in the hallways.
I summoned every last fragment of strength I had and looked at him. “Please don’t speak with me so intimately, sir. I have no wish to be involved with a taken man.”
Pulling in several uneven breaths, I fought to keep myself in one piece. I faced the window, watching as we chased the daylight home. I didn’t want to think about the complications of our lives together in the palace, so I focused on this moment, here and now. If I just held on to each minute, I could conquer them.
“Lucy,” he pleaded. “I promise you, I’ll fix this. I’ll fix it now.”
I heard him stand, and I stared wide eyed as he walked back to my lady. Now? What in the world could he say to her now? Was he going to tell her about us? Would she hate me?
No, she couldn’t. I’d been by her side for months. I’d nursed her through embarrassments and the loss of her closest friend. I’d sacrificed for her, and she’d done the same for me. Not another one of the Elite would have considered dragging her maids to the safe room reserved for the royal family. Lady America didn’t think twice. I’d placed my head on her shoulder the night she did her presentation. She dressed me in her clothes like a sister. She defended me.
My heart fluttered with the impossible hope — my lady might rejoice for me.
For one beautiful moment, I was consumed with a glowing anticipation. Maybe I’d been miserable for nothing!
I heard a huff as someone sat down. It was Aspen, a row behind me and across the aisle. He didn’t look at me. He didn’t do anything.
So he wasn’t free. And neither was I.
Inside the palace, I stood behind my lady, thankful that someone else came for her coat. I was afraid of what she might read in my eyes if I got too close.
Aspen stepped aside to talk to a senior officer, and Lady America was escorted to a homecoming reception.
No one noticed as I slipped into the Great Room. From there, I could exit into the hall through a side door and go back to being invisible.
I tried not to let myself be too disappointed. At least I had a home. My father was still around. I’d tasted love twice in my life. It didn’t last, but it was more than Mary or Anne had ever had.
I should be grateful.
But I was so tired of being grateful for a half-lived life.
I made my way downstairs, noticing when I reached the bottom that the common room was empty. Finally, I was alone. I slumped into one of the ancient chairs, rickety and threadbare, and let the tears come. I buried my face in my hands, trying to block and release everything at the same time. God, it hurt. It hurt to think of his lips on mine, of all the possibilities he’d whispered to me in darkened rooms. He felt so real, so possible.
But I’d been kidding myself. It had been so easy to grasp onto him after years of sadness, like the flicker of the North Star in the night.
It just wasn’t meant to be. Not for someone like me.
No matter.
It was time to shake off the hope I’d been holding onto and embrace what was ahead of me. I’d work as a maid until I was no longer considered pretty enough or fit enough to be one of the faces of the palace. When that happened, I’d join the laundry staff. I’d take care of Papa until he passed, and I’d dedicate my life to the service of the crown. This was all I had.
“Lucy.”
I whipped my head from my hands. Aspen had snuck up on me. Wiping away the tears, I stood up and started walking in the direction of the maids’ quarters.
“Please leave me alone. It will only make things worse.”
“I tried to talk to her, but she’s scared of confronting Maxon. She wasn’t ready to listen. In the morning, I will make sure she knows I’ve moved on.”
“If you care at all, don’t do this to me. You know I’ve already been through enough. I don’t need another lie.”
I got halfway across the room before Aspen grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him.
“This isn’t a lie, Lucy.”
I wanted to believe it, to accept the look in his eyes as truth. But if he’d held this secret back — and if he had promised to fix it once and failed — how could I?
“I’ll hate you forever for breaking my heart,” I promised. “But you know what’s worse?”
Aspen shook his head.
“That I’ll love you forever, too. You saved my life. I was caving in on myself, and you stopped that. That’s the worst part.”
He stared, awestruck. “How? How did I save you?”
I shrugged. “Just by being. We’ve both lost parents and have had to make do with next to nothing. We’ve seen the rebels up close. We’ve been forced to keep so many secrets. But you haven’t let that crush you. I thought if you could stay strong, then so could I.”
I peeked up, hating myself for wanting to see his face so badly. I was shocked to find his eyes brimming with tears.
“My mom was born a Four,” he confessed. “She gave up everything to be with my dad. Sometimes they would talk about how they started off their marriage — homeless, with smiles on their faces.” He shook his head, his lips almost lifting into a grin.
“He gave up so much for her. He wore shoes with soles worn through, but then would turn around and buy her an orange. She loves oranges. When she was supposed to go to work and she was sick, he’d do her jobs and his, even if it meant he went days without sleep.
“And Mom? Her family abandoned her. She left a clean, safe life for an apartment bursting at the seams with children. Then he died and she kept on sacrificing.”
He stopped, maybe sad for her or for his father. Maybe just for himself.
Watching the slight tremble in his lip was too much for me, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying again.
“So that’s the only kind of love I’ve ever understood. When you love someone, you sacrifice. And I refused to let anyone do it for me,” he insisted, jabbing a finger into his chest. “I wanted to be the hero. America and I would argue all the time about it. She was ready to go down a caste for me, but I couldn’t let her. I wanted to do all the giving, all the providing, all the protecting.
“To find that I’ve somehow done that by doing nothing at all.” He raised his arms and let them fall. Like he was so tired.
“And you probably have no idea,” he murmured, “you’ve done the same thing for me.”
He was blurry through my tears. “What do you mean?”
He laced his fingers with mine. “Every day you say something or do something that challenges me, changes me.
“You think you walk, Lucy? I think you fly. You see yourself in a uniform? I see you in a cape. You’re a hero, of the quietest but most genuine nature.”
I gazed at the ground. No one talked about me like that. I was just a maid. I was just a Six. I didn’t matter.
I felt his fingers leave my hand and cup my chin, asking me—not forcing me—to look at him. I did. “That’s why you can’t give up. Heroes don’t give up.”
I tried to hide my smile, biting at the inside of my cheeks.
“You’ve made me better. And I want to be better for you. I want to be better with you.”
I went up on my tiptoes, pressing my forehead to his. “But you’re already enough, Aspen. Just as you are.”
His breathing hitched. “Does that mean I’m forgiven?”
I waffled. “I want to be yours. You know that. From the start you knew.”
He grinned, and there was something mischievous in his smile. “True. I’ll never forget.”
“Me either.”
Within hours of Lady America announcing that she would be staying in the palace and that she was going to fight, I decided to fight, too. When I found Aspen on his rounds that evening, I threw out a jumbled-up invitation to eat with me. He looked so shocked that I nearly turned and ran... but then he said yes. And I’d been up-front about everything since then. My anxieties, my hopes, my feelings.
Aspen, on the other hand...
I pulled back and looked deep into his eyes. “I love you, Aspen. I know it more solidly than I know anything else about myself. But I can’t be with you if you’re still connected to Lady America.”
He nodded. “I know I said I’d always be drawn to her, and I meant that. We’ve been too close for me not to. But everything I am is yours. And I promise you: tomorrow morning, come hell or high water, I will make this right.”
I didn’t doubt him. I could forgive his mistakes, and he would forgive my anger, and tomorrow we would start fresh. Because, really, there was so much time.
“Please don’t let me down,” I breathed.
“Never,” he vowed, lowering his mouth too mine.
I wanted to stay there all night, holding him, feeling that promise settle into place. Aspen held me to him, and the whole world felt beautiful and safe.
A low whistle caught our attention.
“Oh, hello, Officer Avery,” I stammered, pulling away and smoothing my dress. “Officer Leger and I, uh, we were... uh...”
I peeked at Aspen, but he was just smiling.
“Look, I saw this coming weeks ago, so you don’t have to explain anything to me,” Officer Avery said, grinning, as he walked across the common room.
“On your way to bed?” Aspen asked him.
He waved his arm around the empty space. “Can’t you tell? We’re all on call. I forgot my belt, so I’m getting that and heading straight to my post. The announcement’s happening in the morning, so everyone’s working.”
I covered my mouth, shocked and excited and terrified at once. We would have a new princess tomorrow!
“I know you just got back, but you’re on duty tonight guarding Lady America.” Avery gave Aspen a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before heading off to his room and out of earshot.
Aspen looked at me. “I guess that means I’ll be taking care of this bright and early.”
I laughed, feeling like nothing could hold me in, not the walls of the palace or the stitching in my dress.
“I love you, Lucy. You take care of me, I take care of you?”
It wasn’t a promise, but an invitation. And I nodded my head, accepting it, and stepping into a future bigger than either of us could have hoped for.
After The One
After The One
America POV (Epilogue)
HALF-ASLEEP, I SWATTED AT a tickle on my shoulder. It happened again, and I instinctively rolled away. The tickle returned, traveling across my back. Oh. It wasn’t a random breeze or another feather that had escaped from my pillow.
Those were kisses.
Eyes still closed, I smiled to myself as Maxon brushed away a lock of hair to find a new place to kiss. Waking up to the feeling of Maxon’s breath on my skin reminded me of how we ended up knotted in these sheets in the first place.
I giggled as his mouth hit a ticklish spot on my neck.
“Good morning, darling,” he whispered.
“Good morning.”
“I was wondering,” he began, murmuring the words into my cheek as I rolled over. “Seeing as it’s my birthday, do you think we could get away with spending the entire day in bed?”
I smiled and forced my sleepy eyes open. “And who will run the country?”
“No one. Let it fall to pieces. So long as I have my America in my arms.”
His hair was a perfect mess, and he was so warm that every last particle in my body wanted nothing more than to stay here with him. It was completely fascinating to me the way that love grew. I kept thinking I’d found a way to give him all that I had, but then I’d learn a new quirk, hear a new story, go through a new experience, and my heart swelled.
“But what about the party? We spent weeks planning,” I complained.
He propped up his head on his hand. “Hmm. Okay, we’ll take a ten-minute break to check out the party and come right back.” Maxon wrapped his arms around me, and I laughed as he covered me with kisses.
We were so distracted, we didn’t even hear the butler open the door. “Your Majesty, there’s a call from—”
Before he could finish, Maxon chucked a pillow at him, and the butler retreated into the hall, pulling the door shut behind him. There was a pause before a muffled voice filtered in. “Sorry, sir.”
I’d gotten used to a lack of privacy since living in the palace, and as far as those awkward moments went, this was one of the better ones. I covered my mouth, trying to contain my laughter, and when Maxon saw my smirk, he smiled, too. “Well, I guess that answers my question.”
I sat up to kiss his cheek and immediately felt a rush of dizziness. “Oh!”
“Are you all right?”
“Mmhm,” I mumbled, covering my mouth. “Sat up too quickly.”
He ran his hand over my back, and I leaned into him.
“What time’s the party again?”
“Six. Everyone’s coming, even my mom.”
“Oh, then it’ll really be a party!”
I swatted him. “Are you ever going to let it go? It was one time.”
“She danced in the fountain on New Year’s Eve, America,” he said, a childish amusement in his eyes. “It was amazing, and I will never let it go.”
I sighed. “Anyway, don’t be late. I’m going to get dressed. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
“Okay.”
I pulled the sheet off the bed as I stood, wrapping it around me.
He lay back and watched me go. “Of all your dresses, that’s my favorite.”
I bit my lip as I took one last look at him before opening the door that led to my suite. There was no way I was ever going to have enough of him.
Mary was waiting for me, of course. She was used to seeing me walk back from Maxon’s room or watching him bolt out of mine, but it was that knowing smirk that got me every time.
“Good morning, Your Majesty,” she greeted me with a curtsy. “Have a good night, then?”
“Wipe that smile off your face!” I teased, tossing the sheet at her and running to the bathroom.
I had been worried about the cut of my dress, but it fit spectacularly. Heads turned when I walked in to the party, and I tried to accept the attention graciously. Even after two years of marriage, being in the spotlight still took some getting used to.
May rushed to my side. “You look radiant, Ames!”
“Thank you. You clean up pretty well yourself.” I touched one of her perfectly placed curls and marveled at how well my sister had adjusted to life as a royal. Not that I was surprised. She had always been charming and bubbly, and almost as soon as she and my family moved to Angeles, May had become a media darling. While plenty of pictures of me would be printed tomorrow, there would be twice as many of May.
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked.
“Just a little distracted. You go have fun. I need to make sure everything’s running smoothly.”
“Have fun? I’m on it!” She dashed off, waving to people I was positive she didn’t even know, sparkling all over. The party was in full swing by now, and it looked as though the guests was enjoying themselves. The decor was simple, the lighting was lovely, and the musicians were doing an excellent job. I hoped Maxon was pleased.
I made my way across the floor, sampling some hors d’oeuvres on my way. None of the food seemed terribly appealing, though. Maxon’s favorites weren’t necessarily mine, I just had to trust that everyone else would enjoy the selection.
I stretched up to my tiptoes, scanning the room. If Maxon had listened to me, he ought to be around here somewhere by now. I didn’t find him, but I did see Marlee. She rushed over as soon as she saw me, leaving Carter talking with some of the guards.
“The party is amazing, America,” she gushed, kissing my cheek.
“Thanks. I’m trying to find Maxon. Have you seen him?”
She turned to look with me. “I did see him come in, but I have no idea where he is now.”
“Hmm. I’ll have to do a lap. How’s Kile?”
She smiled anxiously. “Good. I’m trying to get used to letting a nanny put him down.”
Kile was just over a year old, and Marlee absolutely adored him—as did I. He was the only male who regularly spent time in the Women’s Room without expressly asking for permission.
“I’m sure he’s doing fine, Marlee. And it’ll do you good to spend some time with Carter alone.”
She nodded. “You’re right. We’re both having so much fun. But just you wait and see. It’s hard to let them go, even for a little while.”
I smiled. “I can only imagine. Go, enjoy some of the food. I’ll see you later.”
“All right.” She gave me another kiss and made her way back to Carter.
I looped around the room, searching for my husband. When I finally saw him, my heart lit up. Not simply because I was happy to find him, but because he was talking to Aspen.
Aspen’s cane was gone now, but there were times when he still limped, especially if he was tired. We all considered it a miracle that he had healed so well, but if anyone could have recovered through sheer determination, it was Aspen.
They looked deep in conversation, and I moved closer, coming up behind them.
“Was your first year hard? Lots of people say it is, but you two seemed to do so well,” Aspen said.
He and Lucy had planned to get married not too long after Maxon and I did, but when her dad got sick, everything was put on hold. He eventually recovered, but even after that Aspen dragged his feet more than he needed to. I suspected he was afraid Lucy would change her mind, and I blamed that fear on me. They were so right for each other, he never needed to doubt. And when they finally did tie the knot, I was as happy as I’d been on my own wedding day.
Maxon sighed. “Hard to say. I don’t think it was the marriage part that was so hard as much as the duties. It was a lot to ask her to step into the role of a queen when she’d barely gotten used to the idea of being a princess.”
“Did you fight?”
“Are you kidding? That’s what we’re best at!” He and Aspen shared a laugh. I wanted to be offended, but it was true — we were good at arguing. Still, that had died down a lot.
“I don’t know why it feels like such a big deal,” Aspen said, his laughter fading. “We wanted to get married for so long. Why does it feel so overwhelming now that we are?”
“It’s the title.” Maxon took a sip of champagne. “It’s scary to be a husband. It feels like there’s more to lose. I worry about that title more than being called king, easily.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Aspen was quiet, considering this.
“Listen,” Maxon started. “This isn’t me kicking you out. You’re always welcome here. But maybe what you and Lucy need is your own place.”
“What, like a house?”
“Look around. Take Lucy with you and see if you find a place you like, that feels like something you can work on together. Making a life together might be easier if you have a home that’s really yours.”
“Marlee and Carter do fine here.”
“They’re a different couple.”
Aspen looked down, and I could see that something about this made him feel like he’d failed.
Maxon clapped him on the back. “I don’t trust many people the way I trust you. You’ve done a lot for me and for America. Just go look. See if there’s something out there that you two really love, and if there is, consider it a gift from us.”
“It’s your birthday. You’re supposed to be the one getting gifts,” Aspen protested, but there was a smile on his face all the same.
“I have everything I want. A country on the upswing, a happy marriage, and good friends. Cheers, sir.”
Aspen lifted his glass with a smile, and they drank. I blinked away my happy tears and came up, tapping Maxon on the shoulder.
He turned and broke into a sunrise of a smile. “There you are, my dear.”
“Happy birthday!”
“Thank you. This is really the best party I’ve ever had.”
“You did good, Mer,” Aspen added.
“Thank you both very much.” I turned to Maxon. “I need to steal you away for a bit.”
“Of course. We’ll talk more later,” Maxon promised Aspen, and followed me from the room.
“This way,” I instructed, pulling his arm.
“Perfect!” he said as we walked into the garden. “A break from the madness.”
I giggled, putting my head on his shoulder. Without instruction, he led us to our bench, and we sat, him facing the forest and me facing the palace.
“Champagne?” he offered, bringing over his glass.
“No thanks.”
He took a sip himself and sighed contentedly. “This was a wonderful choice. Truly, America, this was the best birthday I could have hoped for. Well, second best. I still would have liked the option I came up with this morning.”
I smiled. “Maybe next year.”
“I’ll hold you to it.”
I took a steadying breath. “Listen, I know we have a full night ahead of us, but I wanted to give you your birthday present.”
“Oh, darling, you didn’t need to get me anything. Every day with you is a gift.” He leaned in and kissed me.
“Well, I hadn’t planned on getting you a gift, but then something presented itself, so here we are.”
“All right then,” he said, placing his glass on the ground. “I’m ready. Where is it?”
“That’s the only problem,” I started. I felt my hands begin to shake. “It won’t actually arrive for another seven or eight months.”
He smiled but squinted. “Eight months? What in the world could take...”
As his words drifted away, so did his eyes, leaving my face and making their way to my stomach. He seemed to expect me to look different, for me to be as big as a house already. But I’d done my best to hide everything: the tiredness, the nausea, the sudden distaste for foods.
He stared on and on, and I waited for him to smile or laugh or jump up and down. But he sat there, frozen to the point that it started to frighten me.
“Maxon?” I reached out and touched his leg. “Maxon, are you all right?”
He nodded, still watching my stomach. His eyes filled with tears as he spoke. “Isn’t that remarkable? I suddenly love you a hundred times more,” he said, quietly and in awe. “And I didn’t think it was possible to find love for a person I don’t know at all.” He finally looked up at me. “Are we really going to have a baby?”
“Yes,” I breathed, welling up, too.
His eyes lit up. “Is it a boy or a girl?”
“It’s too soon to tell,” I said through happy tears. “There’s not much the doctor can tell yet except that someone is definitely there.”
Maxon placed a gentle hand on my tummy. “We’ll shorten your workdays, of course, or we can cut them completely if we must. And we can have more maids put on call.”
“Don’t be silly. Mary and Paige are plenty. Besides, you know my mother will want to be here, and Marlee and May will be around. I’ll have too many people taking care of me.”
“As you should!”
I threw back my head and laughed, but when I looked at him again, I saw that his expression had turned dark. “What if I’m like him, America? What if I’m a terrible father?”
“Maxon Schreave, that isn’t possible. If anything you will be too generous. We’re going to have to hire the strictest nanny in the world just to even it out!”
He smirked. “No strict nannies. Happy nannies only.”
“If you say so, Your Royal Husbandness.”
Maxon cleared his throat and wiped away his tears. “I’m assuming this is our secret?”
“For now.”
He smiled brightly. “All the same, now I definitely feel like celebrating.”
He scooped me up, rushing me back inside, and I couldn’t stop laughing. I peeked up at his expression, so hopeful and excited, and I knew we were only just getting to the best part of our lives.
Ahren's Letter
Ahren's Letter
Dearest Camille,
My sweet girl, I miss you. I have the new picture of you framed by my bed, and I fall asleep each night looking at your smile and wishing I could see it in person. I tell myself that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but honestly, I’m not sure my fondness for you has much room to grow. Could I love your grace and sweetness more? Could I possibly find you even more beautiful than I already know you to be? I worry that if I try to fit any more adoration for you into my heart, it may burst!
I’m thinking about asking my parents to send me to France as my birthday present this year. I’m not sure how Eadlyn will take me being away for the first time on our birthday, but with the Selection going on, she may be too busy to care.
I know we spoke a little on the phone about how that’s been going for her, but there are so many details, I forget them in the moment. I didn’t get to tell you how pleased I am that Kile Woodwork is in the pool of the Selected, surprising as it was. He’s denied adamantly that he put his name in himself, and I have a hard time believing he would. Still, how did that happen? I don’t think that he and Eadlyn would be a suitable match (and, trust me, I’m hoping that there is one here), but I think this will be a perfect launching pad for him. Kile has always been smart, and I cannot imagine him and Josie living their lives in the shadow of the Schreaves. With the interviews and specials we air, I’m hoping his skills will be seen, and this will lead him to a life outside the palace walls, which is all he wants in the world.
There’s this one suitor, Hale, who I think might be a contender — if only because he’s set Eadlyn on edge. Anyone who can make her pause and question or even (tell no one I said this) run scared... there’s something about that person worth considering. I admit I don’t know much about him personally, but I do know he shielded Eadlyn when she was attacked during the parade and, therefore, he has my eternal respect. I also know he was the first person she intentionally chose to spend time with, so she must sense there’s something about him as well. Eadlyn has an excellent internal compass, but she sometimes ignores it in favor of mine, which is, of course, eerily similar to hers. Not sure why she does that. She really does know better for herself than she thinks.
However, if I was in charge of choosing one of the boys for Eadlyn, I’d easily choose Henri. Yes, the one who doesn’t speak English. I know what you’re thinking, but I feel that lack of communication works well for Eadlyn. They can’t argue, which is something she’s very skilled at if you happen to cross her, and all their interactions require the will to work at them, meaning she has to care for it to happen at all. And his disposition is so soothing, I think he’d be good for her — I’ve told you how stressed she gets with work and all. Of course, I don’t think they will work out in the end, but I wouldn’t complain to have him as a brother-in-law. There are others I certainly would.
I won’t mention any of that to Eadlyn, though. I hope against hope that she finds a partner for her life. For too long, I’ve been the person she’s run to. Having that place in her life is a privilege, for sure, but I can’t hold it forever. If she managed to find someone, even if it was someone I wasn’t thrilled about, I’d be as encouraging as I could. I love her, Camille, and hold her in my heart second only to you. If I could somehow keep you both happy, I’d sacrifice nearly anything to do it. I’m not sure I could, though.
I don’t want to speak of it in writing, but I have something I want to... propose to you. It would be daring to say the least, but I’m starting to believe it may be necessary. Perhaps we can talk in person, on my birthday, if I can persuade my family to let me go.
The hope of seeing you is keeping my spirits high. Even if it’s not possible to get away from the palace, knowing my Camille is somewhere, laughing and smiling, makes my days brighter. It’s possible, my love, that you are the sun, and I feel your warmth as if I walk in the rays of your happiness, even from here.
Hope to see you soon. I love everything about you, my sunshine.
Ahren
Fox & Kile's Notes
Fox & Kile's Notes
HEY, FOX, YOU OKAY? Your head looks pretty bad.
Yeah. I mean, it’s sore as hell! But at least I’m here, so I can’t complain.
Who made the call? Eady?
I can’t believe you call her that. She’s the princess — you know that, right? (Also, yeah, she came to see me, and we talked last night.)
I’ve known her since she was in diapers. She’s Eadlyn, Eady, and we actually joked about Royal Pain in the Ass, but that’s only for special occasions.
Well, that’s my new goal: get to a relationship status that allows for pet names.
I’d steer clear of sweetheart and baby if I were you. Unless you’re looking for a matching gash on the other side of your head. Then go for it.
Don’t worry, I won’t intentionally provoke her. I bet she could throw a harder punch than Burke if she wanted to. By the way, can we talk about what a complete jackass that guy was?
We could. But I don’t want to think about him ever again. Glad he’s gone. What a stupid move. Like it or not, we’re all going to be famous after this. So that’s what you want people to remember you for? You want to be that guy who was thrown out for fighting?
Thought you didn’t want to talk about him.
Starting now.
Loser. What’s all this stuff? Is this a sketchbook?
I’m into architecture. I design when I’m bored.
And this is boring to you? (Also, they look good.)
Thanks! And, yes, this is very boring to me. I’ve lived here my whole life, known Eadlyn forever. I’m happy to have company, sure, but this is nothing new to me.
So... you don’t want to win?
That’s a great question.
That you should answer.
No. I don’t think. No. I don’t know. It’s kind of strange.
Then how did you end up kissing her?
It was just a kiss. She’ll probably kiss half the guys here before she picks someone. I just happened to be the first.
You really think that? You think I’ve got a chance at a kiss?
I don’t know if that kind of talk is sweet... or pathetic.
I like her!
Why? What won you over?
It’s not as if I can pinpoint the exact moment. I like her. She’s funny, but I don’t think she knows it. It’s like, even though she’s super powerful, she’s still figuring herself out. You know her. Any truth to that?
Gets the sense of humor from her dad, gets the constant state of growing from her mom. It’s real.
And... I know it shouldn’t matter... but MAN she is gorgeous!
I can’t talk about this. It feels weird.
To call your buddy hot?
Not my buddy. But yeah.
But she is.
Shut up!
Fine.
Thanks.
Look, I know everyone asks, but any hint at how I could win her over? Her personal favorites? Anything, really?
She is unwinoverable.
Not a word.
But it’s true. If you want a shot, be you — and then you just have to hope she likes whatever that is.
If that’s true, then I think I have a shot. Last night, when she came to let me stay? Like, something felt different there.
Well, you have nothing to worry about, then.
Her favorite flower?
I don’t know. Everyone thinks I’m an expert, but we seriously avoid each other, and when we do interact, it’s via an argument.
Don’t believe it.
It’s true!
Then explain THE KISS!
Okay, I’m done. Back to my sketches.
Wimp.
You’re just mad because I got there first.
No. Well, maybe. But your relationship makes no sense.
Fair point. Trust me, it’s making less and less sense by the day.
Epilogue
Epilogue
Eadlyn POV
SIX YEARS LATER
"EADY, CAN YOU HELP, PLEASE?" Josie held out her pin and sash. I could tell she was trying not to let her nerves show.
"Of course."
"If I get blood on this dress, I swear-"
"You have nothing to worry about," I reassured her. "You're in excellent hands. Now, face me and breathe."
The room swarmed with people, but it seemed they were in celebration mode already. Poor Josie was doing her best just to finish getting dressed. I pulled the blue sash - a symbol of her almost-royal status - tight across the sweetheart neckline of her gown and secured it in place, smoothing it around the bodice so it fell cleanly at her hip.
"There. No blood. Not even a drop of sweat." I stood behind her, taking her shoulders and watching her in the mirror. "You make a beautiful bride."
She nodded, her lips tight. "Thank goodness I look flawless on the outside, because inside I feel like a mess."
I giggled. "You and every other bride in history. I wanted to charge down the aisle at Eikko, I was so ready to be his wife. But the thought of actually going through a huge ceremony and all the vows... " I shook my head.
"I remember. I've never seen anyone throw up in such a ladylike manner."
"Hey," I said, pointing at her reflection. "We were never to speak of that."
With that, a smile finally came to her face, and I decided that if I had to spend the rest of the day making light of my many shortcomings to ease her nerves, I'd do it.
"We're getting in the car in fifteen minutes," I reminded. "Let me go fetch our flower girl and check on the boys, and we should be ready to go."
Josie nodded, beginning some sort of deep breathing exercise. I waved Shannon over.
"You're her maid of honor. You need to keep her calm."
"I'm on it."
I disappeared into the hallway, appreciating the cooler air. With all the various family members, the bridesmaids, and the friends, that room was entirely too full. But what could I say? Josie's wedding was almost as big a fuss as mine had been.
All the downstairs parlors were being used for some purpose or another today. Catering in one, some photography in the next. We'd even turned a room into a temporary nursery just to keep our little princess close to everyone else. But, turning the corner, I saw the nursery wasn't necessary.
Kerttu spun and spun in the hallway, surrounded by admirers, and I smiled, watching from a distance. Eikko sat on the floor, coat tossed to the side, and clapped while Mom and Dad watched from the wall. Osten had already been worn out by his niece and was comically propped up on an elbow, shaking his head at her.
"Beautiful, sötsi," Eikko said.
"This is the best dress! Can I wear it every day?"
"Yes," he replied. "Even to bed, if you like."
I rolled my eyes. Such a pushover.
"Darling, that dress is so puffy, you will roll out of bed." I came down the hall, and she turned and bounded up to me.
"Mama, mama!"
I knelt down to embrace her. "You look marvelous, Kerttu. Are you all ready to go?"
"I threw all my flower petals at Uncle Osten."
I peeked over, and he looked at me as if he had seen some serious battle indeed. It seemed each of my brothers had met his match in Kerttu. She was as charming as Ahren, as precocious as Kaden, and as impish as Osten, and we never knew which side of her we were going to get at any particular moment. But, of course, she was too precious to be chided, even when we got sass instead of sweetness.
I laughed. "Good girl."
She snuggled in, placing her mouth against my stomach a new habit I couldn't bring myself to break. "Hello, baby. Are you a girl yet?"
"Aww, sweetie, I already told you. We won't know for a while." I patted her hair, trying not to mess it up. "And it may already be a boy."
"Try to be a girl," she said through my dress, cupping her hands so the words were sure to be heard.
"How are you feeling, Your Majesty?" Eikko teased, kissing my forehead.
"I'm doing great. The bride is a little nervous."
He shrugged. "I suppose that's normal. If I remember correctly, you were even worse than I was when we got married. Weren't you si-"
"Why won't anyone let that go?" I shook my head at him, but he only laughed. "Come on, Kerttu. Let's go see Auntie Josie. I bet you'll cheer her up."
"I cheer everyone up."
"Gather the boys," I instructed Eikko. He stared at me a moment, seeming preoccupied.
"Of course." And he backed away smiling. I wondered if he was remembering our wedding or thinking of what was coming or just mulling over how dazzling he thought I was, a distraction he claimed to suffer multiple times a day.
"Come on, baby." Kerttu placed her hand on my hip, getting as close to her new sibling as possible.
The public didn't know yet, and I was hardly showing. I hoped a few well-placed ruffles would help mask the truth for a little while longer. But I now worried that we'd made a mistake telling Kerttu. I certainly didn't want her spilling the news today. Josie really ought to have one beautiful day in the spotlight.
"Kerttu!" Neena called as we came back in. I looked at Josie and saw her gulping down a glass of champagne. I hoped it would take the edge off. "You look so pretty. Are you excited?"
"Daddy said I can wear my dress every day!"
Everyone within earshot laughed.
"I'm not surprised," Neena answered before turning to me. "I've been in contact with the church, and the guests have just started arriving. The great room is set up for the reception, and all we have to do now is actually have the wedding."
"Perfect. Eikko is rounding up the boys, and Mom and Dad were in the hall, so I'm sure we're ready to go. That is, if she's ready." I nodded over to Josie.
"I genuinely thought this day would be the highlight of her life. But she seems more nervous than excited."
I squinted at her, and the truth crashed into me. It was actually quite simple.
"I'll talk to her. Make sure the boys are getting in the car, and we'll be behind you."
I moved around the room, handing out bouquets and confirming that all the little details were taken care of. Decorum demanded that I not be in the actual bridal party, but at least remaining with the group meant I could catch things that others might miss.
After I tied the bow on Kerttu's dress a fifth and - hopefully - final time, a maid poked her head in the door.
"It's time, Your Majesty."
"Thank you," I said, and turned to Josie. "Ready?"
Josie froze. "Yes. Okay."
But her eyes were slightly fretful, and I wondered if she would even make it to the front door.
In the massive foyer, everyone was lined up as Kerttu danced in circles around the party. She'd done so well when we practiced, and I hoped she'd get through the ceremony without spinning down the aisle. I was beginning to have my doubts.
"All right," I said to Josie. "It's time to go."
She stared at the wide open doors, to the cars waiting on the drive. There was just a tiny rustle of wind in the trees - a perfect day for a wedding. "I need a minute."
"Josie."
She wrapped an arm around her stomach. "Just a minute."
I pulled her upright, holding onto her shoulders. "Hey. I get it. I do."
"I love him. So why am I shaking?"
"Because it's terrifying to get everything you ever wanted."
Her eyes came up to mine. She nodded.
"But you don't have to worry. It's just a walk down an aisle. And when you reach the end of it, Kaden will hold your hand and you'll say some words, things you've already thought a million times. And you'll get a crown, but it's mostly there to look pretty, and you're already gorgeous, so it's just one more accessory." I shrugged. "It's easy, really."
She watched me, her chest moving steadily as she worked to slow her breaths.
"Easy," she repeated. "A walk, some words, some jewelry."
"Exactly. And then I can finally call you my sister."
She smiled. "You could also call me Princess Josephine Schreave."
"Yes, but I'll probably stick with 'hey, you,"" I teased.
The laughter was hard earned and totally worth it. "Thank you."
"Any time. You ready now?"
She nodded. "I think so." After a deep breath, she took two quick steps forward and embraced me.
"I'm so happy for you, Josie."
"Thank you. I can't believe it's-"
Her voice faded out quickly, and I looked over my shoulder to see what made her pause. A monumental faux pas had been made. I thought the boys were already on the way to the church, but here they were coming down the hall with Neena. Eikko, Kile, and, worst of all, the groom himself.
I gasped. "Josie, I'm so sorry! I thought ... "
But she heard nothing. Her eyes were focused on Kaden, who stood stunned at the other end of the hall. I watched as he blinked, trying to keep his tears in check. Josie let me go and walked slowly toward her groom, and he put his hands on his chest, shaking his head, like he couldn't believe how gorgeous she looked.
A moment later, everyone was mingling. Kile and his wife, Alice, were stroking Josie's back, while Mom and Miss Marlee were dabbing at their eyes. Camille had rushed over to Ahren, and Shannon was making eyes at a cousin Camille had brought. Dad was on one knee, trying to rein in Kerttu, while Osten seemed to be trying to hide from her. I felt like my heart might burst with joy.
"We're going to be late," Neena whispered in my ear.
I looked at the happy scene, so many people I loved in one place, smiling and crying and simply breathing, and shrugged. "Everyone else can wait."
She laughed. "We'll just say the guests were too early."
"I like the way you think."
She shook her head. "If someone had asked me ten years ago how life would have turned out, I don't think I'd have been able to imagine anything like this."
"No," I said, watching my family, thinking of how it was growing by the second. I caught Eikko staring at me, his face handsome and completely calm, looking as if I made the sun rise. "But it's so much better than anything I could have dreamed up."
"Okay, okay," Mom said above the din. "We really do have to get going now."
Kaden kissed Josie's cheek. "See you in a bit, love."
She nodded, her demeanor totally changed. And I could see it - there was the new princess.
We rearranged ourselves, preparing for the rest of the day. Kaden waved a bashful goodbye as he headed off in the car with the others, and the ladies double-checked seams, waiting our turn. I listened to the many sounds of my world: Mom laughing, Josie breathing, and Kerttu singing. I took all of it in.
And life, as it always does, went on.
Celeste's Scenes
Celeste's Scenes
Celeste POV
THE ARRIVAL
“JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES, miss,” the chauffeur called.
This drive was taking an eternity. The car was nice and all, no objections there, but I seriously couldn’t take this waiting. By now all the girls who were from the West Coast were either in the palace or close to it. In the meantime, I was wasting precious moments getting to the Carolina airport. Why couldn’t I simply have left from Clermont? Certainly the palace could have afforded separate flights.
As we turned onto the drive for the airport, I began gathering my things, shoving my brush and mints back into my bag. I checked my reflection one last time as the car finally came to a stop. I nudged the skin next to my eye. Was that a wrinkle? No, just the light. Still, if a shadow could do that, imagine what a few more years would accomplish.
“Miss?” the driver asked.
I glanced up at him, still wondering if I really looked as tired as my reflection led me to believe.
“Would you mind?” he asked, holding up a magazine opened to a recent ad I’d done for a line of bikinis.
I tried not to let my disgust over a much older, fatter man ogling me in basically my underwear come to the surface. Smiles were important in my line of work, and if I was going to be the princess, I’d need everyone to adore me. So I made my face gentle as I reached for the magazine.
“Thank you. My daughter is a huge fan.”
“Oh?” I asked, relieved that it was for her.
“Yeah, she’s a pretty thing and studies these ads more than her math. She wants to model so badly.”
I squinted. “But if you’re a driver, she must be a Six?”
“Yeah,” he said as if his position was somehow secret. No one’s was a secret. “We’ve got hopes to marry her up, though I don’t think we can manage a Two. But she’s got her fingers crossed and is working hard, just in case.”
I didn’t ask about his plans. Sometimes these things involved men looking for trophies. Sometimes they involved exchanging high sums of money—though less than what it would actually cost to purchase a new caste. And, on the rare occasion, it involved love. I didn’t think that was the case with his daughter, and I really didn’t care.
“Well then, let me add a special little note for her.” I scrawled “Hold on to your dreams!” over the page, making sure not to cover myself with ink, then signed my name grandly at the bottom. “Here you go. Tell her I said good luck.”
“I will! And the same to you,” he wished as I exited the car.
Luck was fine and well, but I didn’t need it. I had a plan.
I pulled down my sunglasses and rearranged the daisy in my hair. This was where it all began for me — this was my first opportunity to show the other girls they were looking at their future queen.
I knew the competition, and I was the only Two who had any sort of clout coming into this. Some of the others might have more money, but I already had an adoring public, something the monarchy could not overlook. And anyone below a Two? Well, she was wasting everyone’s time.
I pulled open the door and sauntered into the airport. The other girls were easy enough to spot with their dark pants and white shirts, so I made a direct line for them. Behind my sunglasses I could see that coming in strong was already working. Ashley the Three looked brokenhearted by my mere presence, and Marlee the Four seemed equally dazed. Oh, and there was the Five! America. I knew she’d be in my group since we were coming to Carolina, but I was surprised. She looked pretty polished.
I felt certain she’d be amusing to watch. There was absolutely no way a bumpkin like her was going to make it through the first day alone without humiliating herself, all done up or not.
“Hello,” Marlee greeted, though it sounded more like a question.
I pulled off my sunglasses and gave her a once-over. Pretty enough, but her hair seemed thin. And if her eyes always looked that worried, she would be gone within a week.
“When do we leave?”
“We don’t know,” America replied, her tone surprisingly sharp considering she was talking to a superior. “You’ve been holding up the show.”
I took her in as well. I wished I could have called her ugly, but she was even prettier in person than in her picture. And she wasn’t a wilting flower, which might actually do her some good in this situation. Maybe she’d be less entertaining than I thought.
“Sorry, quite a few people wanted to see me off,” I answered. Undoubtedly she was trying to remember where she’d seen my face before. Reminding her I had fans might jog her memory. “I couldn’t help it.”
She didn’t seem to recognize me. Oh, well.
The pilot showed up, and I won him over instantly. I didn’t need these pathetic girls’ approval, but I definitely intended to get everyone else’s.
We boarded the plane, and it was rather obvious that America had never flown before. I doubted she even had a car. I watched as Ashley pulled out paper, already documenting her experience, and Marlee buddied up with America instantly. For all the luxury in my life, it was hard to compete with a royal private plane, and I wanted to gush to someone about the leather seats and the delicious champagne. There was a phone by my chair, so I could have called someone. But who? My harebrained mother? My agent? My manicurist who spoke in broken English?
There was no one.
I pulled the eye mask on and pretended to sleep. Besides, I was looking tired, and maybe the rest would do me good.
I lay there, fantasizing about life at the palace. I would make a spectacular princess. I mean, put Maxon and me side by side, and we were nearly a replica of his parents. How gorgeous would we all look in photos together? I could see it coming together. In my head, I batted my lashes and looked at the prince playfully from behind a fan, making him fall for me a little more each day.
“Celeste, on the other hand... ,” someone whispered.
Without moving, I tuned my ears to the conversation.
“I know. It’s only been an hour, and I’m already looking forward to her going home.”
I recognized that as America’s voice, so the laugh that followed must have belonged to Marlee.
“I don’t want to talk badly about anyone, but she’s so aggressive.” Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing. “And Maxon’s not even around yet. I’m a little nervous about her.”
I suppressed a smile, pleased with myself. I felt bad for the other girls, but they would simply have to go. I was born for this. I needed it.
“Don’t be,” America replied calmly. “Girls like that? They’ll take themselves out of the competition.”
My smile immediately faded. What did she mean? I was going to be the paragon of competitors. Beautiful, famous, wealthy... I’d be surprised if I wasn’t Maxon’s first date.
I’d told myself I wouldn’t let these girls get under my skin. My intention was to stay aloof and focus all my attentions on the prince. But I was starting to wonder if I needed a secondary plan... something that would keep the others aware of just how little they were. I kept my eyes hidden away, and I schemed.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
THE KISS
I TRAILED MY LIPS DOWN Maxon’s neck, wishing it didn’t seem like work. He was handsome enough, and funny on occasion. For goodness’ sake, he was the prince. Shouldn’t that make every last second exciting?
More than anything, I just felt tired. The effort it took to be like this all day every day wasn’t sustainable. My hope was that once I won, I could be myself all the time. I was softer than this, quieter than this. But if I let up now, I sensed it would all be over.
With Maxon I always needed to be on. I had to be charming, entertaining, sexy, poised, and a thousand other qualities girls are expected to have all at one time. And while I knew I was capable of being every last one of those things, it was nice to take turns and switch off the humor for a moment to be sad or turn off sultry and be cute.
And when I wasn’t with him, I had to be on constant guard with the other girls. It was getting easier since Marlee eliminated herself and Natalie was too ditzy to be a real threat. I’d put Elise under so much pressure that I was sure she’d crack any day now, and America’s spirit had been broken ever since the people turned on her. It was going to come down to Kriss and me — I knew it. She was the only thing standing between me and eternal fame.
I dug my nails in Maxon’s hair and shivered a little when his fingers traveled down the length of my bare back. It wasn’t a terrible feeling, but I could tell within the depths of myself that something was missing here.
My body went into autopilot, running a hand across his chest and teasing him with my lips as my brain worked overtime.
Maxon was a gentleman... but he was still a man. How many sweet words would it take to get him out of this hallway and into my bedroom? If I’d timed things right — and I felt pretty sure I had — this night could take me to the end without much more work. A prenuptial pregnancy would require the Selection to come to an abrupt halt and a wedding to follow immediately after. And I knew he wanted children. After all, he talked about it all the time. He probably wouldn’t even mind.
I wrapped my leg around him, sighing. Maxon seemed blissfully content as he lowered his mouth to my ear.
“I’ve never really kissed anyone quite like this.”
“But you do it so well!” I teased, leaning back into him.
I could get him upstairs, I was sure of it. He was desperate for this attention, desperate to feel something. I’d be able to give him that.
I moved my lips back down to his neck, and he tilted to make it easier. I giggled and kissed him again, listening to him sigh.
Had I done my job so well that he really loved me? He was so happy here, so grateful for my kisses, he must. The only alternative was that he was as lonely as I was, and anyone would do for now. But, again, he was a gentleman.
I felt his body turn to stone, as if he suddenly lost interest.
No, no, no!
I moved up, biting his ear, something that he’d seemed to enjoy. I kissed his chin, ahhing as I went. I moved my hands down his arms, trying to lace his fingers with mine...
Nothing worked.
I pulled back and looked sweetly into his eyes. “Something wrong, honey?”
He was staring into the dark, and I turned to see what he was looking at. As far as I could tell, the hall was empty.
“I have to go,” he announced.
“What? No, wait,” I pleaded as he began to move. “I have a wonderful evening planned for us. There’s so much more I want to show you.”
Maxon paused, gazing at me in confusion. “Show me?”
“Yes.” I got close to him, my nose brushing up against his cheek. “In my room.”
I pulled back to look into his eyes. I wished I could have seen what was happening in his mind, but it didn’t appear to be a debate. More like he was searching for the kindest way to let me down.
“I apologize. My behavior tonight wasn’t appropriate, and I led you on. You are a very beautiful girl.” He smiled. “No doubt you’re aware. Still, I shouldn’t have... I’m sorry. Goodnight.”
Maxon rushed up the stairs before I could think of a way to lure him back, taking the steps two at a time.
What. Just. Happened?
I slipped off my heels, scurrying up the stairs. An apology was not an explanation, and I demanded one. I could hear his hurried footsteps, and I chased after him, prepared to give him a piece of my mind. At the second-floor landing I hid behind the corner as I watched him turn down a hallway on the far end of the wing. Only one person was left on that side of the floor.
After everything that just happened, he was running off to America Singer?
I stormed down to my room, slamming the door behind me.
“My lady?” Veda asked. I threw a shoe at her, followed quickly by the other.
“GET OUT!” I screamed. “All of you! Out!”
My maids covered their heads and ran, trying to escape before anything else could hit them.
I tore pages out of books and flung canisters of scented powder at the wall. I pulled at my hair and ripped the sheets off the bed. I looked around, searching for things to ruin. Nothing in the room was really mine... except for my dresses. I sat on the floor of my closet shredding chiffon and lace and satin. It felt good to destroy something.
I needed scissors! That would make this so much better.
I went over to my vanity, scouring my drawers for the trimming shears Veda used on my split ends.
And I caught a glimpse of my reflection.
I was covered in sweat, lip gloss smeared from kissing a boy I didn’t love, in the dark. My hair was a bird’s nest, and my eyes were wild.
I’d never looked so ugly.
“What are you doing?” I whispered to the unrecognizable girl. I shook my head at her, nothing but pity for this very beautiful thing who had turned into a monster.
I dropped everything in my hands back into the drawer and went to the shower. I shed my Band-Aid of a dress and crawled in, letting the water hit me as I rested on the porcelain.
He went to America. He got all worked up with me and ran off to her. Did he have her up against a wall now? Did he have her in the bed?
I dismissed the thought. Whatever he was, she was too pure to be swayed.
I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t even irritated. More than anything, I felt dirty.
Was this worth it?
After all this time in the spotlight, a lifetime of being adored, I refused to fade into the background.
As princess, as queen, I would be remembered forever. I needed that...
But was it worth sleeping with someone who I didn’t really care about? Having a baby that I didn’t really want?
I sat up in the shower, lifting my head to the spray, rinsing off the thought. Maybe I owed one to America for saving me from myself tonight. Not that I’d ever tell her.
Toweling off, I walked back into my room, shocked at the mess I’d made. I remembered doing it, but I didn’t think it was that bad.
First things first. I brushed out my hair. I couldn’t have it all knotted. I put lotion on and found a decent robe.
Then I went over to the buzzer, calling for Veda. I wondered how quickly she’d come after I threw a shoe at her head.
Looking around the room, there were a handful of things I could take care of myself. I remade the bed and tidied up my vanity. By the time Veda showed up, hands pressed to her chest in worry, I’d done all I could.
“You’ll need a broom,” I told her as she stared at the mess. “And... bring a second for me.”
She brought them back faster than I’d have thought possible, and I worked on the paper while she took care of the powder. I bundled up the ruined dresses for her, and she picked the scraps off the floor.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
Her eyes widened. I’d yet to apologize for anything.
“Don’t worry, my lady. We can always use the extra pieces.”
When my room looked normal again, I crept into bed, more tired than I’d ever been. It wasn’t just this one day weighing on me — it was dozens.
I couldn’t give up. But it was becoming clear I also couldn’t carry on. Not like this.
Love was not in the equation. I could live with that. But how could I make myself more valuable to Maxon than someone he did love? I had plenty of prized qualities. I simply had to make him see. I had to show him that I could be queen.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
THE DEPARTURE
“DO YOU THINK SHE’LL COME back?” Elise wondered aloud, slipping her feet into another pair of shoes. I thought that particular pair had been given to me, but there were so many presents, it was hard to keep track. We hadn’t even bothered to pull any of it out of the parlor that Maxon had set aside for us to have our own Christmas celebration, just him and the Elite. Hers or mine, I wasn’t going to fight about it. We were well past that now.
“She’ll come back,” I insisted. “She’s not a quitter.”
Kriss pulled the fur wrap across her shoulders, a definite sign she was leaving if anyone asked me. Why in the world would Maxon give her fur if he was planning to keep her in Angeles?
“I don’t think her quitting is really the issue,” she mused. “It’s more about her being able to bounce back. You saw how she was after Marlee left, and this is her dad. I’d be a wreck.”
“Me, too.” Elise confessed.
“Same.” I looked at the pile of gifts, wondering if Maxon would give me a spare suitcase to take it all home. Surely I’d be heading there any day now. If anyone sat Elise, Kriss, America, and me side by side, I’d still easily look like the obvious choice for a princess. I could admit there was a part of me that held out hope I would somehow pull it off...
But I knew — maybe even before Maxon knew himself — that it would be America.
The last vestiges of my vanity needed it to be her. The thought of losing to anyone but her sent me into a tailspin. She was my only worthy competitor.
She was also, maybe, my only friend.
I didn’t think she’d call me that, not when she had sisters and still talked about Marlee as if she was around. But that was fine. I didn’t need anyone to call me her friend at the moment. Having someone to call mine was enough.
Maybe I could work on that once I got home. I could bribe my way in with some of these jewels, probably.
“Let’s make a promise,” Kriss said. “Next year, no matter where we are, let’s all send one another Christmas cards.”
I smiled. I was going to get cards next year.
“America would like that, I think,” Elise added. “Something to take her mind off the sadness this season will have.”
“Excellent point, Elise. It’s a promise.” She and I shared a look. It was unlikely I’d ever have her true forgiveness, but to speak to her amicably was a huge step, more than I deserved.
“Should we send for some baskets?” Kriss asked. “I don’t even know how to begin getting all this to my room.”
“He’s too generous,” I said, meaning it in the core of my heart. Maxon Schreave had been too good to me.
“Who’s too generous?”
We all turned at the sound of Maxon’s voice, rising from our seats.
“You, of course,” Kriss gushed. “We’re still trying to sort through this pile of gifts.”
He shrugged. “I’m just pleased you liked them.”
“All very thoughtful.” Elise’s voice got so much quieter when he was around.
He smiled at us in turn, looking into each of our eyes purposefully before clearing his throat.
“Elise, Kriss, would you please return to your rooms? I need to speak with Celeste alone. And I’ll be coming to visit each of you shortly.”
My body went cold. This was it! Everything was coming to a close, and he was going to tell me now. I wondered if this was what it felt like right before you faint.
“Certainly.” Kriss curtsied and headed to the door, an anxious Elise following her.
Maxon and I both watched her scuttle away, her jet-black hair hiding her face as if we wouldn’t notice her as long as there was no eye contact. Once she was gone I giggled a little, and Maxon shook his head.
“I think I bring out her nerves.”
I rolled my eyes. “Everything brings out her nerves, but you’re certainly the worst.”
He narrowed his eyes. “But I’ve never made you nervous. Not even in the beginning.”
I smirked. “I’m not the type to get easily intimidated.”
“I know.” He circled around, coming to the couch I’d been using. “Sit, please.” I joined him, smoothing my dress. “That’s been one of my favorite things about you, actually. I admire your tenacity, your hunger to live. I think it will serve you well.”
“After I leave the palace, you mean?”
His smile dwindled. “Yes. After you leave the palace.” He shook his head. “There’s no hiding anything from you, is there?”
I pressed my lips together, trying so hard not to cry. Part of me felt relieved, but a bigger part was crushed.
I lost.
“I intended to explain everything before that came out. I still can if you like.”
Have my list of faults read aloud? No, thank you.
“It’s fine,” I answered in the most cheerful voice I could muster. “Wait, is it Kriss, then? I mean, America’s gone, and you can see how fragile Elise is.”
Maxon straightened up. “I’m not at liberty to comment on the possible winner. But America is on her way back to the palace.”
“She is?” I asked breathlessly. I was thrilled! Because I knew her returning meant she won. If he didn’t want her, he wasn’t cruel enough to bring her all the way back to the palace for a rejection.
“Yes, she should be here tomorrow.”
“Will... Do I have to leave right away, or can I stay to see her?”
I saw the confusion flicker across his eyes. While I had dealt with Elise in more direct ways, my method of taking down America involved subtle digs at her in front of Maxon. Well, maybe not always subtle. No doubt my excitement to see her again was a surprise to him.
He leaned across the couch, placing a hand on my knee. “You’re not leaving yet. I’ve invited everyone back for a last hurrah.”
I covered my mouth, shocked and pleased. There were so many apologies owed on my part that I never thought I’d have the opportunity to give. Without even knowing it, Maxon was too good to me one last time.
“All the Selected will be here for a personal gathering, and then we’ll have a banquet and make the final announcement.”
I placed my hands on his, tears brimming in my eyes. “I want to sit here and tell you that I would have been good for you. I want to tell you I would have been so loyal, so proud...” I shrugged. “Truth is, I would have been good for me. I don’t know if I can love someone, not the way you love her.”
Even without saying America’s name, I could see the way the light changed in his eyes at the thought of her. “I think you can. Maybe not today,” he conceded with a pointed look.
I chuckled.
“And there’s no need for you to right now. Love only yourself a little bit longer, until you can’t stand not to love someone else.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I wiped at my eyes, making sure to keep my makeup in place. “Listen, when you tell Elise, be gentler than you think you need to be. She’s... I don’t know what she’ll do.”
His brows knit together. “I’m going to see her next. The conversation with Kriss will be a happy one, and I knew you were too tough to let it bring you down. But I’m worried about Elise.”
“Maybe bring some booze?”
He laughed. “I might just.” He gazed into my eyes. “Are you all right?”
“Surprisingly... yes? It’s kind of nice for it to be over. And I’m happy for... other people.”
“I think big things are on the horizon for you.”
“Maybe. Look, let’s not drag this out. I’m fine, really. And you have some other girls you need to speak to.”
He sighed. “I do.” Leaning in, Maxon gave me a last kiss on the cheek. “I will never forget your fire. I can’t wait to see what you do.”
With that he pulled away, exiting the room with only the smallest look back.
I leaned onto the couch, disappointed and grateful at the same time. America had told me I didn’t need a man to get what I wanted, and she was right. Maxon told me to love myself a little bit longer, and that was good advice.
I’d walk out of this strong, dignified. I was in the top four of the Elite. That was no small accomplishment. And I was still young, still pretty, still ambitious. There would be more for me.
I sat up and surveyed the room. Elise, in her dash to get away, had left the golden shoes on the floor. I reached over and put them on.
They fit like a dream. Whatever she thought, I remembered opening the box with these shoes inside, and they were definitely mine. I stood, walking in them back to my room.
They were the perfect shoes to take steps into a new life, one that would start when America became Maxon’s fiancée and I left the palace.
For the first time maybe ever, it didn’t matter if I looked beautiful or not. I felt it.
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