How much time do you spend trying to be the kind of woman you think men want?
If you’re like most women, it’s a LOT. You spend all this time making yourself look sexy and attractive.
All this time presenting yourself as fun, interesting, worldly, and not needy in the slightest. You spend all this time showing him just how good you’d be for him… How amazing his future would be if he chose you as the woman by his side…
And it doesn’t work. It never works. WHY? Why do you work so hard… And the guy in your life just takes you for granted, if he even notices you at all? It’s probably because he’s immature, right? He can’t recognize a good thing until it’s gone. Or maybe… It’s because you’ve been doing all the work for him.
What men value most are those things they have to work hard to get.
Hand a man a college diploma, and he won’t value it as much as if he’d had to put in years of study and effort to earn it.
Hand a man the perfect girlfriend, and he won’t value her as much as if he’d had to woo her for weeks just to get her to go out with him. This is why playing hard to get works.
But, as you’ve probably already noticed…
There’s a BIG problem with playing hard to get. That strategy stops working once he’s actually got you.
Something happens when guys decide they’ve won you. It’s almost like they think, “Game over.” Their minds are already on their next challenge. What is going on?!
And how can you stop it from wrecking your relationship?
Many women give up on love. They never let themselves get too close to a man, for fear of scaring him off. But other women try a different approach. They get help. Relationship coach James Bauer is one of the people they turn to.
He noticed that many clients were coming to him, complaining about guys who were blowing hot and cold. Everything would be going great, and then it was like…
Something would change overnight.
A guy who’d been warm, affectionate and interested would suddenly become distant. He’d no longer have any time for her. He wouldn’t smile in greeting. He’d stop making eye contact. His kisses were brusque. Wanting to help his clients, James investigated.
And what he discovered made sense of everything. He knew why these men were backing away. He knew what they needed … and what they weren’t getting.
It didn’t come down to anything wrong with these women.
Rather, it all came down to something he called “The Hero Instinct.”
1. Ask a guy for help.
Ask him for advice on buying a new computer. Ask him to listen to that weird rattling sound that’s started up in your car. Ask him to reach something on the top shelf. Then thank him warmly, with a great big smile of appreciation. No, that doesn’t make you needy. It makes you a woman with space for a man in her life.
2. Take pleasure in male company.
Guys love women who appreciate men for just being men. So what if his apartment is a shrine to sports? So what if he spends hours on his fantasy football team? So what if his idea of a clean shirt is the one with the fewest wrinkles? He’s a guy. It’s okay. You don’t need him to be more like you, because you’ve got the feminine side of the gender equation covered.
3. Let him earn your respect.
Superheroes love challenges. They don’t want to be given a gold medal just for showing up. They don’t want your love handed to them on a plate. They want to earn it. There’s one thing they crave even more than a woman’s eternal enduring love: A challenge. So give him opportunities to prove himself. You don’t have to do the work of winning him over. Sit back, relax, and allow him the pleasure of winning your admiration.
If that sounds like fun to you, click here to watch a video presentation about this relationship enhancement tool. It’s something you can learn once, but then use for the rest of your life.
You know that girlfriend of yours who has the perfect boyfriend?
The guy with the gorgeous floppy hair, quirky smile, and big heart devoted entirely to one person and one person only:
His girlfriend.
You’re so glad she found him, but honestly?
You are so insanely jealous. It’s hard to stop watching them. The way he’s so attentive to her needs. The way they seem to share thoughts without speaking. The way he wraps his arms around her so tightly it’s like they’re one body. Watching them makes you ache. Because the guy at your side doesn’t treat you like that.
It’s not that your guy isn’t wonderful. Of course he’s wonderful. It’s more…
How he treats you. He treats you like someone he’s gotten used to.
You know he doesn’t wake up in the morning pinching himself for being lucky enough to snag someone like you.
But you bet that’s what this other guy does. You can see it in his eyes.
The pleasure that radiates from his smile every time he looks at the woman he loves.
So you ask her—half-joking, half-hoping—if he has any brothers. She just laughs.
“Nah, that’s not what you need.” She leans towards you and glances around to make sure no one’s listening. “Want to hear a secret?”
You nod eagerly.
She whispers, “Our relationship was just like everyone else’s before. But then I found out about this crazy secret. It’s from this relationship coach named James Bauer. It’s, like, the key to unlocking men.”
You nod even more vigorously, but she’s stopped talking. You follow her gaze across the room. Her boyfriend is holding up a drink, asking her wordlessly if she wants one. She shakes her head, blows him a kiss, and turns back to you. “So, do you want to know what it is?”
“Yeah!” you say. “If it will help me and my guy read each other’s minds, like you two just did.”
“Okay, then listen closely…”
It’s not their fault. They’re just following common wisdom. Common wisdom says that men only fall for exceptional women. (Exceptional bodies, mainly.)
If you see a woman with a man trailing behind her like a puppy dog, common wisdom says you can be sure she has something you don’t.
It’s such an obvious explanation and yet…
It’s dead wrong.
That woman?
She’s no more exceptional than you. (Whatever THAT means.)
But what she does have is a very special understanding of men.
She understands that what matters most is NOT what he sees when he looks at her…
But how he sees himself reflected in her eyes.
The truth is this:
When a man feels like a hero in a woman’s eyes, he swears his undying loyalty to her.
He can’t help it.
Most women don’t have that effect on him.
When he’s around most women, he feels like a dumb guy. Like he’s always doing something wrong. Like he needs a nanny to look after him.
He can count on one hand the number of women who look up to him. Who really, really respect him.
And he’s always going to have a place in his life for those women.
So, how do you make a man feel like a hero?
It sounds kind of silly.
Do you have to engineer some kind of scenario where he has to save kids from a burning house or a little old lady from getting hit by a car?
No. It’s a lot simpler than that.
To make your man feel like a hero, there’s one easy thing you can do starting right now:
Did he offer to get you a drink?
Thank him.
Did he clear the dishes off the table?
Thank him.
Did he drive you to a meeting?
Thank him.
He’s a hero to you every day, even though you may not see it like that.
Has your man “rescued you”—metaphorically speaking—any time in the last week?
Maybe he dropped everything to help you. Maybe he was there when you needed a sounding board. Maybe his advice helped you make a difficult decision.
We tend to take those things for granted. We expect it. It numbs us to the actual miracle of having someone to rely on.
Now, that’s not how most people think.
Most women think they can earn a man’s appreciation by doing lots of things for him.
They’ve got it backwards.
The best way to earn a man’s appreciation is to appreciate everything he does for you, no matter how little.
It triggers his “Hero Instinct.”
(You can learn more about the Hero Instinct in James’ video here.)
Trip Wire:“A hidden trigger that sets off a series of explosive events.”
Deep within the heart of every man is an intense longing to be someone's hero.
This longing has ancient origins.
You see,the cause of this longing is written into the very fabric of his DNA. And there it lies, dormant… until one day, the right trigger unleashes its power.
I'd like to show you how to become that trigger, and how to awaken the full force your man's bonding instinct.
But first, a story. It's the story of human connection.
(Or you can see how this works now by skipping to the online video by clicking here.)
Before we can care deeply about someone, we must know something about their life story. Because stories evoke empathy. Stories allow us to picture ourselves in someone else's shoes.
It's strange, but true, that we can even find ourselves rooting for thieves and criminals so long as we see their story unfold. Movies like Ocean's Eleven and The Italian Job illustrate this well.
In the movie, Ocean's Eleven, actors George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon make for a cast of likeable thieves. But beyond their good looks, we get pulled into the story. We discover what's driving Danny Ocean's motivation to rob a casino. A casino that just happens to be owned by his ex-wife's new lover.
We can empathize with Danny Ocean's pain. And by the end of the movie we are actually rooting for him to get away with it. To steal the money and disappear into the sunset with his ex-wife, Tess, by his side.
Perhaps stranger still is the way we respond to fiction in the first place. A skilled novelist can have me on the edge of my seat, rooting for a person who doesn't even exist in real life.
Literary critics may scoff, but I actually liked the twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. I think my hand was actually trembling from adrenaline as the Volturi began to march across the field, intent on destroying Isabella's daughter.
But wait, that's all make-believe. So how could it cause a physical reaction in my body?
The answer, of course, is the power of story.
Stories influence our emotions. They are at the heart of communication. Allowing us to feel connected to each other.
When I reach the end of my life, I know which people I will want by my side. It will be those who have witnessed my life story.
The friendly, pretty nurse may be a wonderful person. But if she is a stranger to me, it doesn't matter what positive attributes she has. I will still feel alone. Because she does not know my story, and I do not know hers.
Knowing this instinctively, she will expend great effort to quickly summon my friends and family. The people who know my story.
To trigger a man's deepest feelings of attraction, you need to become a special part of his story. You do that by revealing your needs, and allowing him to help you meet them. Why? Because it triggers his hero instinct.
Here's the formula for triggering a man's hero instinct:
Story + Need = Activated Hero Instinct.
A man's hero instinct compels him to seek a relationship that lets him take on the role of a provider. That's why guys fall for a woman who knows how to trigger this attraction tripwire. It sets off a series of reactions in his emotional world. It makes him happy in a way that's hard for women to understand. Because they do not share his deeply rooted instinct to become someone's hero.
Many women are vaguely aware of a man's desire to see himself as a provider. They understand, for example, why he may become depressed and pull away from others during a period of unemployment.
But these same women fail to recognize the power of the opposite effect...
It's as if your relationship unlocks a version of himself he has always longed for. It feels right in a way he can't put into words.
It unleashes his protective instincts, the noble aspects of his masculinity, and most importantly, his deepest feelings of love and attraction.
If that sounds good to you, click here to learn more about this relationship enhancement tool. It's something you can learn once, but then use for the rest of your life.
You already have needs and desires. Why not learn how to translate those desires into requests that trigger his hero instinct?
Then relax into the warmth and passion he is only capable of showing to a woman who has triggered his hero instinct. A woman who knows exactly how to become the central character in his emotional world.
Ready to put this idea to use? Great! Because I've recorded an online video to show you a set of triggers you can use to get explosive results with this one simple technique. Click here now to see for yourself.
After watching this video, many women are surprised to learn a man can actually feel more deeply in love when he feels more deeply needed. That seems strange, doesn't it? And yet that is the reality for men.
Many of us have a tendency to buy gifts of the sort we would like to receive ourselves. It can be like that with love. We try to love our partner the way we want to be loved.
So you make him feel special. Yet he seems unaffected by that. You speak your own native love language to him. Apparently, he speaks another.
But I'm here to tell you about one incredible, universal method you can use to grab his attention by triggering his hero instinct.
Have you ever felt attracted to a guy without knowing why?
Maybe you’ve even had feelings for someone you’d rather not be attracted to. Why does this happen?
How can you fall in love even though your conscious mind resists it?
Experiences like these hint at the hidden world driving our feelings of romantic attraction. That hidden world is all about emotional reactions. Emotional reactions we don’t consciously control.
The truth is, falling in love is not something we choose to do. It’s more like getting thirsty. You don’t choose to get thirsty. You just notice it. And the stronger your thirst becomes, the harder it gets to ignore.
To skip straight to the answer, check out this video
that reveals how you can trigger his thirst for something he needs and craves. Plus, I’ll show you how to ensure you are the ONLY person he depends on to satisfy this powerful longing.
Here’s why the man in your life can’t tell you what he craves most from his relationship with you…
… He’s embarrassed to admit the truth. And that’s because admitting to this desire actually moves him farther away from the goal. Here’s why…
Okay, picture a woman who feels frustrated that her man never does anything romantic. She finally breaks down and explains her desire to feel romanced and pursued by him.
But he acts like she’s being unreasonable, demanding she name one thing that’s missing from the relationship. So she gives him an example. “It would be nice to get flowers once in a while. Just simple things like that.”
The next day, he brings her flowers. But the magic of this gesture is missing. Because it doesn’t feel special to receive flowers when you had to ask for them.
It’s kind of like that with men, only with a completely different sort of relationship need. You see, men have an insatiable thirst for your admiration.
But he can’t ask for it. He can’t say, “Julie, I really like you, but here’s what’s missing in our relationship. You don’t admire me enough. You seem to have greater admiration for other men in your life, and that makes it hard for me to picture a future with you.”
He can’t say that because men believe you have to earn admiration. Asking for it is like trying to become popular by announcing you are a cool person. It doesn’t work like that.
He will only feel like your hero when you speak the non-verbal language of admiration. He has to read it between the lines of what you actually say and do.
Now, you might be thinking, “That’s not so crazy. I can understand why a man craves admiration.” But if you’re thinking that, there’s something important I need to tell you.
Nothing kills a man’s attraction faster than a relationship where he doesn’t feel needed. He wants to see himself as a provider. Someone who is admired because of his ability to provide.
You see, if he doesn’t feel needed, he feels like less of a man; emasculated. And that turns off his romantic drive.
And the worst part? You can’t just give him admiration. It only works if he believes he has earned your trust, admiration, and respect.
But here’s the good news. It’s both fun and easy to let him earn your admiration once you know how to set him up for success.
Just find ways to let him be your hero. Now, I should mention there is actually an art to doing that in a way that makes him crazy about you.
But I’ve seen women wrap a man around her pinky using this simple concept. As a relationship coach, I have seen what works and what doesn’t. But what it all comes down to is this…
Accomplish that, and you’ll be astonished by what happens next. He’ll become so loving, so attentive, so much more interested in a committed, long-term relationship, that you will never want things to go back to the way they were.
The hero instinct is a subconscious drive to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why I’ve created an online video presentation so you can claim this secret as your own.
Who is James Bauer?
James Bauer is a dating and relationship coach and also the author of the bestselling courses His Secret Obsession and What Men Secretly Want.
His courses have inspired thousands of women across the world to finally have the loving, fulfilling relationships they deserve.
James believes that being irresistible is about a special set of qualities that emanate from feelings of happiness, true confidence, and a kind of inner beauty that pulls at a man's heartstrings.
Being irresistible is the embodiment of what makes a woman truly attractive in every sense of the word. It's about creating an irresistible draw with who you really are.
Will His Secret Obsession work for me, my situation is different?
No matter what situation you’re in, you will find word-for-word scripts, actionable steps and incredible insights that will transform your love life and give you the confidence and happiness you’ve always wanted.
Here are some of the relationship stages and situations where it has been very effective.
1. Attraction Stage
I’m trying to win the affections of a guy who doesn’t see me that way yet. How can I get him to see me as more than a friend? Why do guys show interest and then just drift away? I know he likes me. Why won’t he just admit it?
2. Dating but Falling Apart Stage
Things started great and now he’s drifting away. Why won’t he commit? I want him to choose me and stop seeing other women. He’s ignoring my texts
3. Re-Spark Stage
We’re together but need to Re-Spark the relationship My man ignores me Why won’t he return my calls? He has grown cold or distant
4. Ex-Back Stage
It’s Over, But I want him back. I’m trying to start over with my ex. I want things to be like when we first met.
How does the His Secret Obsession Guarantee Work?
Beirresistible.com stands behind their products and training. They offer a 60-day 100% guarantee on everything they sell. Feel free to test any course or product with the assurance that if it's not a great fit you can get your money back.
How long does it take for His Secret Obsession to start working?
Many of the techniques and steps in this course can have an effect on your man right away, while others are meant to snowball over time to create long-lasting love and romance.
Every situation is different so there Is no guarantee on a timeline for success, but these methods are extremely effective when you follow the course and take action.
Where can I get His Secret Obsession?
You can get full access to His Secret Obsession by clicking some of the links.
All our transactions are processed through secure third-party vendors which use bank-level encryption to protect your data and privacy.
Your His Secret Obsession course is AMAZING – one afternoon of solid listening, I’ve put it into practice and the effects are phenomenal! You truly have saved our relationship and, while it is only a week later, we are already going from strength to strength. And we both see a wonderful future ahead of us. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Best investment ever!!!
Claudia H.
Thank you James!
I found reading His Secret Obsession very inspiring in helping me to understand my husband and has help me to overcome many anger issues I have had with him for what he did to me and our marriage 26 years ago.
I have found peace with your readings too and I find all your blogs very helpful and useful.
I will be forever grateful to you for sharing your works with not only me but for all the other wives, girlfriends and women who read your works.
I thank you for saving my marriage!
Diane
Your research and advice was invaluable.
My boyfriend has changed from being distant and too busy to see me – and now the opposite is true.
I kept being patient for ages. Then I read the section about not bottling it all up, fuming inside. Instead I told him by text how I felt – in a nice way, full of compliments.
He immediately asked to see me, he couldn’t wait!
We had a lovely time, and I listened well, talked a bit, following your guidance on the power and beauty of silence.
I could write a lot more, but for now, I just want to say thank you, thank you x 100!
Eva
Hi James,
I just wanted to let you know, I used your tip about getting his curiosity going (I told him I learned something about Dumbledore that he would never believe!) and it worked so well! He texted me right back and I asked if he could guess, and we ended up with this great ongoing text with him very curious about what the answer is, and me telling him how what great guesses he was making!
Thank you!
Ann
James,
This may be one of the most meaningful guidance I’ve come across. It is a very worthy exercise. Thank you!
P.S. I still enjoy following you very much!
Suzie
Disclaimer
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