Too White to be Black, too Tan to be White
More than just “what are you?”
Growing up, I had never really thought about race. In fact, I had never even considered myself “biracial” until about 8th grade.
“Aren’t you supposed to be good at basketball?” A white boy questions me, as my third shot goes sailing down just before the rim. Another airball. I stammer for a second, trying to find the words to respond.
“Guess not,” I say as the ball slowly rolls back to my feet.
My name is Curtis Myers. I was born in Arlington, Texas to a white mom - from Iron River, Michigan - and a black dad - from Norfolk, Virginia.
Since my parents were military*, we moved around a lot, so I never got to really plant my roots down until we landed in Lawton, Oklahoma.
While I generally want to identify as black, I actually don’t get to interact with my dad’s side of the family that much. I am culturally white as I’ve grown up mostly with my white side of the family.
More often than not, people will mistakenly believe that I am Hispanic. In response to this, I normally brush it off, and joke that “the only thing that ties me with hispanic ethnicity was my spanish babysitter.”*
“Are you actually half black, or are you just really tan?”*
“I guess I would fully identify as "mixed" even though I would like to feel more of a connection to both sides.”
- Shanaya*
“I identify as a Hispanic (Mexican) woman because that’s what I feel more close to.”
- Kaleina
Biracial people often identify themselves in four different ways. In their piece, “The New Color Complex Appearances and Biracial identity,”* Rockquemore* suggests that “there are four types of racial identity options for biracial people.” Biracial people could identify as: Singular Identity - choosing to either be white or black, Border Identity - choosing to be just biracial, Protean Identity - choosing to be sometimes white, sometimes black, and sometimes biracial, and Transcendent Identity* - choosing to identify with no race at all. This was incredibly intriguing to me because, all my life I had been pretty much been shown by society, that biracial people will only identify as either black or biracial.
I act because it's the only time I don't have to really think about who I am. I get to pretend to be someone else and I know exactly who I am in those moments.
“I started to act differently with each race to fit into what I thought was right and eventually became accepted.”
- Dajah (19)
“People make jokes when you’re biracial about how you’re “so black” or “so white” and that would sometimes make me feel like there were certain things I needed to change to make them see me differently.”
- Kyra
My best representation of the Biracial identity struggle came through the show “Key and Peele,”* a comedy skit show hosted by Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele. While most of their content revolves around the “Black experience” I was drawn to one episode in particular, titled “Dating a Biracial Guy.”
In this episode we see Jeff, played by Keegan, on a date with his white girlfriend at a high class restaurant. As the episode opens, Jeff’s girlfriend complains about the amount of time they’ve waited to have their orders taken. Agreeing, Jeff gets the attention of a passing waiter explaining that they are ready to order; however, the waiter explains that this isn’t how things work at the restaurant to which Jeff quickly apologizes.
Shocked, Jeff’s girlfriend asks, “what was that? [...] where was Black Jeff?” Confused, Jeff asks what she means to which she replies that “when you date a biracial guy, you're supposed to get the best of both worlds.”
“How was I supposed to figure out who to be and at what time when I didn't have any idea who I really was to begin with?”
- Shanaya (21)
Throughout the episode, Jeff attempts to please his girlfriend by switching to respond as either “Black Jeff” - who is easily angered and confident, or “White Jeff” - who is very apologetic, soft spoken, and well-tempered. It becomes quickly apparent, however, that Jeff is unable to just switch his personalities nor is he able to determine which situations require a “Black Jeff.”*
I now wear a gold chain to encourage others to believe in my “blackness.”
Media plays a huge role in at least how I identify myself. Going back to the fact that I didn’t even consider myself biracial until the 8th grade. I would say that around this time in 8th grade I discovered Aubrey Drake Graham* - better known as Drake*. Before Drake, I had no concept of being “biracial.” Now however, I suddenly had someone who looked almost exactly like me who made music that I loved. Even Drake has struggled with being biracial. In an interview with The Village Voice in 2011, Drake explains that "I'm so light that people are like 'you're white.' That's what I get more than anything, people saying 'you're white, you're not black.'"
Through my research and various interview, I realized this constant idea and usage of the reversed one-drop rule. The one drop-rule came with the passage of the Jim Crow laws in the early 20th century. Basically, if you had even one drop of black blood in you, you were considered black. Today; however, this idea has been somewhat reversed. (Work in Progress)
“[While in the process of] figuring out a new hair product[,] my best friend who is black [...] sneered that I didn't understand it because [the product] "wasn't for" me.”
- Smith
I am writing this after a two week writer’s block. The first few paragraphs came quick. They made sense to write. However, now, with my deadline looming over me tomorrow - I find I’m still stuck trying to figure out how exactly I should go about continuing my paper.
By now, I’ve received quite a few interview responses. Originally, I thought that incorporating their responses would be the easiest part. I was wrong. Since I started my research odyssey, I’ve been struggling to find the point as to why I’m researching, interviewing and writing about the biracial “experience.” (Work in Progress)
“It was always harder [..] to have friends of a specific race [...] they just don’t understand how hard it is to not look like either of your parents.”
- Lawson
Through my various interviews, I was shocked to find that much of the negativity in my participants lives came directly from their own families. Smith and her mother explain how racist the white side of their family is. To the point that the only reason they even remotely show care for smith after years of resentment, was due to her lighter complexion. McClellan also struggled with racism in her own family. She states that her “grandmother on [her] mothers side (white) was furious with [her] mother when she found out [her mother] was pregnant by a black man[...].” Even Wright, while not outright hated by her hispanic family, feels ostracized and is often “[...] told that [she doesn’t] know what it’s like [to be hispanic] or that [she] will never understand.”
“I think the best thing about being biracial is getting the best of both worlds. [...] [My husband and I] have a BEAUTIFUL mixed family, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.”
- Lawson
“I love experiencing things from both sides of my family and getting g to experience multiple cultures.”
- Wright
“I get to grow in both cultures; food, clothes, music, dances, etc. I get to experience the beauty of both sides and make my own mashup for my everyday life.”
- Smith
While most of my paper has been focused on covering the negative aspects of being biracial, I’d like to take this time to acknowledge some of the positive aspects of being biracial. Being biracial is so much more than just being more than one race. Being biracial means that we can experience (Work in Progress)
Throughout my paper*, I’ve used quotes of the responses given by my interviewees. However, I feel that just quoting these individuals does not give them the respect they deserve. So, let me tell you a little bit about what I learned from them… (Work in Progress)
“I’m different from everyone else and no one can change that.”
- McClellan (19)