Grünauer, Kansas City 

"Do not treat others the way you would not like them to treat you.”

- Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life 

Sometimes knowing what not to drink is more important than knowing what to drink. Let us call this the Flackhattan Silver Rule.

It is a question for the ages: Are you better off drinking a Flackhattan badly made with premium ingredients or a one well made with economical ingredients?

Well after having one at Grünauer in Kanas City I can begin to answer this query. 

Grünauer is the classic version of a German restaurant that is located in every major city. Except of course that in this case it is actually an Austrian restaurant - though as my Father once informed me "it takes an Austrian to lead of bunch of Germans." Either way they do all the classics: schnitzel, sauerbraten, gulasch, red cabbage, and of course, Zwiebelrostbraten¹. Though during this 8°  day all I was interested in was some warmth, a hausbrot pretzel with German mustard. . . and oh yeah, a Flackhatttan.

Now normally I would implicitly trust the Germans, I mean Austrians to make me a Flackhattan. If I was asking for a Mai Tai, I might be a little concerned, but when it comes to a classic cocktail, I would like to think Aryans could execute with German, I mean Austrian precision. . . and I would be wrong. 

They promote a cocktail topically named "Biedermeier" which is "Bourbon, sweet vermouth, Angostura aromantic & orange bitters, orange wedge, and dark cherry juice, shaken and served over ice". I like the idea of including cherry juice in my Flackhattan as I often include this ingredient myself as home (especially when I'm low on vermouth), so I ordered it.

When it showed up a few minutes later placed on a beautiful wood topped bar, I was immediately filled with apprehension . . . as it was delivered in a rocks glass full of cracked ice. 

When I tasted it, it tasted "weak" and all I could think of was when Crash Davis came to the plate in the movie Bull Durham and said "C'mon, Meat. Bring me that weak-ass shit." I asked Ms. Flackhattan for her epicurean review and she less colorfully agreed. I then asked the betated barman the ingredients in an effort to better understand its weakness and he replied . . . 

"Four Roses Yellow Label and Dolin."

Now I'm familiar with Dolin's red vermouth, it's good stuff. And I'm familiar with Four Roses, it's . . . ok stuff. I wasn't sure what "Yellow Label" meant, but after a desultory internet review it appears to mean a middle shelf offering from the Four Roses Distillery LLC (maybe it was a "yellow" caution light that said "slow down" or don't use in cocktails). Ordinarily this would not have been catastrophic, but this ambrosia was 80 proof, which is just below the bottom of the Flackhattan proof scale. And after it's "shaken and served over (cracked ice) ice" it all went, as Crash Davis would say, "to shit." 

Ohh, and did I mention that my Biedermeier didn't even include the aforementionedly promised orange wedge? 

Now, I'm all for the the orange wedge as a part of the Old Fashioned, but I'm unsure if it should be a part of the Flackhattan . . . though if you promise it, you need to ethically need to deliver it, otherwise a drinker may start to wonder if he's drinking Four Roses Yellow Label or Rebel Yell². Well in the end I don't think it really mattered, though it did come with two unadvertised cherries.       

Bottom Line #1: You can shake a Manhattan and then serve it up - for those who enjoy that ersatz gasoline cocktail called a  Martini, this may make bourbon palatable. I've had one or two myself and they are not undrinkable. 

Bottom  Line #2: Do not then pour this shaken composition into a rocks glass filled with cracked ice, as it will dilute its contents to the point of non-potability.

Bottom Line #3: The word Biedermeier derives from the fictional mediocre poet Gottlieb Biedermaier [sic], who was featured in the Munich magazine Fliegende Blätter (Flying Leaves). It is used mostly to denote the unchallenging artistic styles that flourished in the fields of literature, music, the visual arts and interior design (1815-1848). So why would you want to name a drink after it? 

"Moral and physical health are synonymous. The slums are responsible for nine-tenths, alcohol for one-tenth of all human depravity."

- Adolf Hitler, 1923

 Jan 20, 2024

Footnotes

¹ Zwiebelrostbraten (Onion roast) is a fried roast beef with roasted onions, which is what the name refers to. It is a traditional dish of Swabian and Austrian cuisine and is, among other things, part of the classic menu in Viennese restaurants. In the Swabian region, roast beef is often served with spaetzle and is considered a Sunday meal. Regionally it is also known as Viennese onion roast, Allgäu onion roast or Swabian onion roast .

² Rebel, formerly Rebel Yell until 2020, is a brand of 80 proof Kentucky straight bourbon that you may not want to include in your Flackhattan.