Arix and the Wanderer After She Told Them to Call Her the Wanderer; Book 1, Ch 2:
Arix: So, nothing else? Just Wanderer?
Wanderer: Giving you my name is for tenth-level friends.
-A month later, after the fight with Orestes at level five and forcing her to give everyone her name-
Enilasor: So much for that...
Arix, Orestes, and the Wanderer; Book 2, Chapter 5:
Wanderer looks at the portrait cutout of Dory and his family: Yeeeaaaah, this doesn't match his Tinder profile picture...
Arix, laughing: Tf?
Orestes: Yeah, I don't think it does...
Arix, Orestes, and the Wanderer; Book 2, Chapter 5
Arix: Alright Orestes, I know your first instinct is to run at that Book--
Orestes, drawing his sword with a flourish: Yep.
Arix: But, hear me out here.
Orestes: Uhhh, you've got about two seconds before I charge in and take his head.
Arix: Okay, don't charge in, because charging in is not how you get godlike luck like me. Let's think for a few seconds, okay?
Orestes: Mmhmm
Wanderer: But also, don't forget Orestes that you still have that shield of faith on you.
Arix: You do have that, and you have a potion of Giant Strength...
Arix: No, nope. We drink the potion, okay? And then, see that lectern?
Orestes: Uh, yeah, I think I see the damn lectern.
Arix: Well, no, I'm wondering if you're tunnel visioning on the Book and not seeing the lectern.
Orestes: Yeah, I see the lectern. And I see the Book on top of it.
Arix: If I knock that Book over, what would Dory do?
Orestes: Dory will probably freak out.
Arix: And that's your chance to kill him in his panic.
Orestes: Could also be an opportunity for him to kill me.
Arix: He'd be looking at me though, no?
Dory: Youuu knooowww I can heeear yoouuu? So, ouurr dinner guessstsss have deccccided to joiiin me.
Arix, Dory, and the Wanderer, Mid-Boss Fight; Book 2, Chapter 5:
Wanderer, after Dory threw a fireball at her: I thought you and I had something special, Dory. That's just rude.
Dory: Youuu are aaaa threeeat!
Arix: And you're ugly as fuck.
The Traveler disguised as a merchant, Artemis, and the Wanderer; Book 3, Chapter 1:
Artemis: Did you know I had a mother?
The Traveler: Ha! My dear, everyone has a mother...well...most do...
Wanderer, knowing she and Artemis both have lost their mothers: Rude...
Stablemaster of Amphail; Book 3, Chapter 2: My mother, who I've had to lay to rest twice now...
Riley (Arix), out of character; Book 3, Chapter 2:
Riley: Ha, at some point I noted, "no Jesus, treachery". That is a legitimate note on my notes. No Jesus, treachery.
Jacob, laughing (DM): What does that mean?
Riley: There will be no Jesus.
Nox (Tihn): What? Why?
Riley: Haha, my notes pages are so good.
Jacob: Fuckin' strange.
Megan (Wanderer): It sounds like a message players would leave in a Dark Souls game.
Riley: It's so ominous. Why did I write that?
Jacob: We're gonna find out I guess...We'll all find out together...
Riley: I hope we will.
Jacob: I hope we don't.
Enilasor, about Jin seeing divine magic radiating from Orestes's pocket (the Moon card from the DoMT); Book 3, Chapter 3:
Enilasor: Orestes, Is that a gift from the gods in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
After the water from a stream Morgana pulls more holy water from is described as "alive"; Book 4, Chapter 1:
Enilasor waves at the water and says a quiet "hello" before walking away from it.
The Strange Voice in Her Head: Polite and snarky, I like it.
Enilasor, ignoring the comment: You see anything we don't?
SV: Oh yeah, and it's gonna be hilarious.
Enilasor: Thanks asshole...
-After the fight against the blighted tree roots-
Enilasor: I hope that was as fucking hilarious as you'd hoped.
SV: I didn't actually think you people would do it [Morgana disturbing the roots with the rock]. You're crazier than I am.
Enilasor: She started it, not us!
Orestes to Arix and Enilasor, who are talking to the Quartermaster; Book 4, Chapter 2:
Orestes: Hey, you know he's gone, right? -both look at the "cage" and the Quartermaster is still there- You looked didn't you?! HA!
Arix: Orestes, shut the fuck up!
Tihn and Enilasor; Book 4, Chapter 3:
Enilasor: Has everyone calmed their tits?
Tihn, very quietly: Um, I don't...have tits...
Morgana and Orestes; Book 5, Chapter 2:
Morgana: Once upon a time, there were three bears. A papa bear, a mommy bear, and a child bear. One day, a human came into their house to eat their food, and so, they killed them. The end.
Orestes, drunk off his ass: Oh...good...humans are...humans are corrupt. I hate humans...and I'm part one!
Arix; Book 5, Chapter 2: -whole scene in the grove at the meeting where he scared the shit out of the council, will be added later-
Orestes; Book 5, Chapter 3: I'm pretty sure removing the head of a vampire kills it. Let's test that theory.
Orestes and the Enilasor; Book 5, Chapter 3:
Enilasor, when Orestes barely scratches the vampire in front of him: What's that Orestes? I thought you could do better!
Orestes: Do you want me to pray to the gods before I kill him?
Enilasor, after Orestes misses the vampire still standing in front of him: Wow, imagine missing because someone roasted you!
Orestes: Imagine dying to the guy who missed because someone roasted him!
Enilasor: You didn't finish the job!
Artemis and the party, on using the fireball pearls on the vampires; Book 5, Chapter 3:
Artemis: So...I've still got that Necklace of Fireball...
Whole Party: NO! DON'T DO THAT WE'RE RIGHT HERE NEXT TO THEM!
Enilasor using puns as she finishes off the vampires; Book 5, Chapter 3:
Enilasor, after killing the first thrall: You just got...dusted!
A few seconds later, before she kills the vampire warrior with a blow to his face with her starlight spear: Lights out! :D
Morgana; Book 5, Chapter 3: First one to find my dad's body gets ten gold! :D
Arix, Orestes, Enilasor; Book 6, Chapter 2, upon finding more dwarven runes:
Enilasor, gesturing at the runes: Alright Mister Rosetta Stone...
Orestes: What did you just say?
Enilasor: I called you a Rosetta Stone.
Arix to Orestes: You wouldn't know about that yet.
Orestes: No, I'm trying to figure out how she knows what that is.
Arix: She's just cut different.
Enilasor after Tihn has Orestes throw them at Thestina and she gets hurt; Book 6, Chapter 3:
Enilasor: Wow, imagine getting hurt because someone threw a fucking frog at you...
Riverra and Enilasor, End of the fight; Book 6, Chapter 3:
Riverra: LOOK AT ME
Enilasor: I'm an elf, bitch.
Arix and Hythonia, Mid-Fight and where Riverra gets it from; Book 6, Chapter 4:
Hythonia: LOOK AT ME
Arix: I'm blindfolded, homie. ;-)
OOC, Jacob and Megan; Book 8, Chapter 1:
Jacob: Speaking of, Orestes is still in the barrel.
Megan, knowing what Enilasor is going to do today: Not for long. :0)
Arix and Enilasor on dragging the drunkard out of his barrel; Book 8, Chapter 1:
Arix: I didn't think it was possible for you smell any more like alcohol, but holy fucking shit.
Enilasor: -casts create water above Orestes to give him a cold "bath"-
Orestes: -shrieks-
Enilasor: -laughing her ass off-
Orestes: Ah! I'm fine! I'm fine. I'm sober. I promise.
Arix, Ellis, Enilasor on becoming god killers; Book 8, Chapter 1
Arix: Do you know what a Black Book is, Ellis?
Enilasor: So, we're off to kill a bunch of gods...
Arix: Yeah, we kill gods in our free time.
Enilasor: We don't have free time so...
Ellis, far too excited: This seems like something I can definitely get behind. :0)
Enilasor: Yep, fun.
Arix and Enilasor on where they should and shouldn't live, bonus commentary from Orestes and Ellis; Book 8, Chapter 1:
Arix, about Saortha: Yeah, sounds like a nice place to settle down and a very boring place for me to be.
Enilasor: You could come live with me, Arix. Come to Knashthra with me.
Arix: Where are we going?
Enilasor: You can come home with me, back to the Feywild. It'll be fine.
Arix: Isn't...isn't...isn't going to the Feywild bad for mortals?
Orestes: Yes. Yes, it is...
Arix: I feel like it'd be very bad for my health.
Enilasor: I mean...I'll be there. I'll keep you alive. Don't worry. I got you.
Arix, after hearing that there's a way to keep non-elves/fey safe there but...: Oh great. Yeah, maybe...maybe, I'm sorry but I'm probably not taking you up on that on that offer.
Enilasor: You don't wanna come and see the Tree Homes?
Arix: Yeah, see the Tree Homes and then never leave? No, thank you.
Enilasor: Aw...fine. Gonna make me cry Arix.
Ellis, too honest and interested for his own good: Sounds like a good place to stay. :)
Mo/Morgana, R/Arix, D/Artie, J, and Meg/Enil; Book 8, Chapter 2 (I struggled with some because multiple people were talking at one point, this could be slightly inaccurate and missing parts, but the bit as a whole was funny):
Mo: So, I wanna make lightning strike this guy so bad. If his Dex is higher, if I did a high...a good enough roll to do it, can I?
J: Okay, you can try it.
Mo: A...twenty-four?
J: Uhhh, go ahead and roll damage, 'cause that hits.
Mo: Okay, good. Um, well, he has to make a dexterity saving throw.
J: Uhhhhh, oh. Probably not good for you. So that was gonna be the damage then?
Mo: No, that was just to see if I could cast it.
J: He succeeds. He has a +12 to dexterity. Does a 21 save?
Mo: Oh, okay, mmhmm. So then--
J: This is one of those where he takes half as much damage?
Mo: Yeah, so 3d10s.
Meg: Oh, boy. Please don't pick a fight with two level 20s, y'all.
R: They picked a fight with us!
Mo: They done messed me up.
R: 'Don't pick a fight with them?' What the fuck are you on about?
Meg: -high pitched whine-
D: We're ready to fight these fools! We ain't playin'!
Mo: There we go!
Meg: Oh my gosh, nnnnghhh!
R: This isn't like, a choice that we have.
-time skip-
Mo: 17+9
J: So, suddenly, through the canopy in the trees, a bolt of lightning just immediately shoots down at--so, who are you aiming at? Which one?
Mo: At the mean one!
J: Oh, so not the guy about to fucking murder Enilasor?
-time skip-
Mo: So it should be between the guy with the hammers and the guy that needed it.
J: Well, the guy with the hammers is just a little bit too far away.
Mo: Oh, damn. Well, yeah, anyways.
J: So, he looks up and just, lighting comes down and just strikes him. And you said he takes how much damage?
Mo: 24? No, 26.
J/Samos: He just, "AH!"
Meg/Enil: -more high pitched whining-
Mo: I don't care if it was just like, that.
R/Arix: Can we please not do this? Can we just talk?
J: You can just see the look on his face go from kind of reserved and kind of a cocky calm to pissed off.
Meg/Enil, about to be crushed by the one Morgana isn't shooting: Thanks Morgana!
Mo/Morgana: I don't care! Fuck that guy!
Meg/Enil: Fuck me, then!
Tihn and Enilasor, during a conversation at breakfast about how poorly worded conversation, trade, or thank you could end with, at worst, lifelong service to a fey; Book 9, Chapter 2:
Tihn: So, wait, does that mean you can do that to people too?
Enilasor, wanting to mess with them: -pleasantly smiles and says nothing-
Orestes and Enilasor after Orestes' sword was tossed into the Fountain of Nothingness; Book 10, Chapter 4:
Orestes: I hope there's nothing else in this temple because I'm fucking useless to you now.
Enilasor: Don't worry, you can still be a meat shield.
Ellis after failing to pry the gems off of the wall on the mountain; Book 10, Chapter 5:
Ellis: I'd like everyone to know that I've taken 14 damage and it's from tea and a rock.
Enilasor, after the party spent several minutes trying to solve a door puzzle that didn't exist; Book 10, Chapter 5:
Enilasor: Hey, uh, guys? Why don't we try knocking? Selemchant is already expecting us to show up so...
Arix: That's...a good point...
J: Taking control of the party a moment to say that when Enilasor says that, everyone immediately turns and looks at her like, 'oh right. Why didn't we think of that?'
Enilasor: Because you guys are a bunch of backwoods menaces with no manners. You have no manners.
Enilasor, OOC: so I'll go knock on the door I guess.
J: It feels like you're knocking on rock.
Enilasor: Welp, I tried.
Tihn: You know, he might already know we're here.
Selemchant, in their heads: Yes, I do actually. -sigh- To get in...
Enilasor and Tihn, again; Book 10, Chapter 6:
Enilasor: Can everyone please, for the love of fuck, calm your tits?
Tihn: I still don't have tits...
Ellis, about Tihn; Book 10, Chapter 6:
Ellis: Okay, we'll get the frog drugs, we'll find a bar, and then we can have a good fight.
-Time Skip-
Ellis: Okay, giving the frog acid was a bad idea.
Orestes and Arix on the Temperature and Kobolds; Book 12, Chapter 3 (?):
Context: Orestes gave Enilasor a kiss on the forehead a few rooms over, and, flustered, she froze the room after he left.
Orestes: Does it feel any colder?
Arix, mid-meltdown over his knives: Probably. I can't really tell. I don't really do temperature.
Orestes: Hey uh―what-what the fuck are you talking about? You're a lizard!
Arix: Yeah, I have an internal fucking fire, Orestes.
-blows a bit of smoke out of his nose-
Orestes, distressed: That's not how lizards work...
Arix: No. It's how fucking Kobolds work.
Orestes: Oh...fair enough.
-a few minutes later and Enilasor is hugging Arix from behind to distract him-
Arix: You are fucking freezing.
Enilasor: Yeah but you're not thinking about the fact that you can't steal or sharpen your stuff now.
Arix: This is true...especially when I'm this fucking cold.
Orestes: Especially since he's cold-blooded.
Enilasor: Yep. Maybe it'll make you a little drowsy.
Orestes: I mean you're literally killing him.
Enilasor: He'll be fine.
Arix: Will you please let go or I'm gonna fucking die.
Enilasor: I mean, I'll bring you back. At least this way you'll get some sleep.
Arix: I'd rather not die. You know, I made it past the eleven-day mark, not trying to die now.
Half of the table OOC in Spurt's voice: Eleven days!
The Traveler to the Seeker and the Wanderer, Book 12, Chapter 16:
Wefrevef: If they didn't want the cows to be milked then they shouldn't have put them within milking distance of me!