Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian (/pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists[1] such as Groucho Marx.

Etymology

"Paraprosdokian" comes from the Greek "παρά", meaning "against", and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation".[2][3] The noun "prosdokia" occurs with the preposition "para" in Greek rhetorical writers of the 1st century BCE and the 1st and 2nd centuries CE, with the meaning "contrary to expectation" or "unexpectedly."[4][5][6][7] These four sources are cited under "prosdokia" in Liddell-Scott-Jones, Greek Lexicon.[8]

You do not need a parachute to skydive.

...

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.

...

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

...

But it's still on my list.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,

...

Try missing a couple payments

War does not determine who is right -

...

only who is left.

There are three kinds of people in the world –

...

those who can count, and those who can’t.

Jack Handey

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.

...

And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

Phyllis Dyer

My husband can't stand to see trash and garbage lying around the house –

...

he can't stand the competition

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot,

...

but I always found them.

Mitch Hedberg

I haven't slept for 10 days.

...

Because that would be too long.

Will Rogers

I don’t belong to an organised political party.

...

I’m a Democrat

A fool and his money are...

...

soon elected

Groucho Marx

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening,

...

but this wasn't it.

She got her good looks from her father.

...

He's a plastic surgeon.

Time flies like an arrow;

...

fruit flies like a banana.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

...

Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter.

...

Someday I intend on reading it.

I have nothing but respect for you -

...

- and not much of that.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...

...

-well, I have others.

W.C. Fields https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/82951.W_C_Fields

I am free of all prejudice.

...

I hate everyone equally.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

...

Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”

It ain't what they call you

...

it's what you answer to.

I cook with wine,

...

sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never hold a grudge.

...

As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.

Everybody's got to believe in something.

...

I believe I'll have another beer.

I don't drink water.

...

Fish fuck in it.

Start every day off with a smile

...

and get it over with.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has

...

which keeps it from betting on people.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink.

...

And I never had the decency to thank her.

I like children.

...

if they're properly cooked.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house.

...

There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women.

...

The other half I squandered.

The best cure for insomnia is

...

to get a lot of sleep.

You can fool some of the people some of the time

...

and that's enough to make a decent living.

If I had to live my life over

...

I'd live over a saloon

Beds are dangerous.

...

More people die in bed than anywhere else.

MORE HERE: https://www.yourdictionary.com/articles/paraprosdokian-funny-sentences